Regis Philbin and Kelly Ripa’s Halloween episode had the pair dressing up from everyone to Beyonce and her dancers in the “Single Ladies” video to Bachelorette contestants, but of course you know my favorite was when they took on The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Regis saying “tick as teves”? I nearly had a stroke from laughing. By the way, if any one is dressing up as Caroline Manzo this year: You are my hero. Please feel free to email me photos of you and your bubbies.

I’ll admit right now that I am an embarrassment to my profession.  I have been completely unaware of this god, better known to the public as Bradley Cooper.  And only a dude this hot could get away with a name like “Bradley.”

He’s been on Nip/Tuck and was in Wedding Crashers and a bunch of other stuff, but to be honest, I’m not as interested in his resume as I am in his naked and vulnerable body.  Totally hot, right?

Cooper taped an appearance on Live! With Regis & Kelly today, probably to talk about some new project — who cares? — but really seems best known for dating Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Aniston.  Oh, and he had a four-month-long marriage in there somewhere too.

Also in the gallery, Kelly Ripa actually does eat which just makes me hate yet love her more, Denise Richards looks good despite the fact that she just confessed to having not one, not two, but three boob jobs and Gene Simmons desperately needs a makeover to snap out of Wayne Newton mode.

Oh my God!  Look at these pictures of eternally adorable Kelly Ripa taken yesterday on Miami Beach.  Her bellybutton sticks out further than her boobs!  I’m in awe of her totally hot, possibly too skinny bod!

More pics in the gallery of Kelly in the surf and of Regis and Ripa interviewing, ironically enough, Nicole Richie.

Kelly Ripa hits the streets of NYC with her kiddos, Michael and Joaquin Consuelos.

Kelly Ripa has it all!

Kelly Ripa has it all.

The hot husband who’s stuck by her forever, adorable kiddos, a lucrative job she loves, a great sense of humor, perfect arms and fabulous clothes.

I so want to be Kelly Ripa. I’ve idolized her forever. Her life just always seems so perfect to me. Sometimes I pretend that she’s secretly my big sister and she will mentor me so that my life can be just like hers.

At the Jorge Posada Foundation Heroes of Hope Gala in NYC.

Okay, so total hottie Chris Meloni (Evil T once grinded on his lap — long story, and I promise his wife’s okay with it) took his two kiddos to an event where he and his wife, Sherman, were honored, the Children Affected by Aids Foundation’s Dream Halloween. How cute are they???

James Gandolfini showed up with his wife, Marcy, and son Michael, who’s wearing about the cutest costume I’ve ever seen.

Plus we’ve got new shots of Kelly Ripa and her son Michael leaving a birthday party in NYC.

Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos are the most adorable couple ever. I’ve basically convinced myself that Kelly Ripa is my big sister and that my mother is going to approach me eventually and let me know about the child she put up for adoption when she was 16 who now happens to be Kelly Ripa. I idolize her. Like, you know how old people are about Kathie Lee? I’m like that with Kelly Ripa.

Anyway, she’s adorable and hilarious and gorgeous and famous and a mother and a wife and her life is perfect and she and her husband did some art gallery opening thing this weekend and one day I will have a perfect life just like her.

That’s a weird math equation. Clay wouldn’t do either Ripa or Rosie, Rosie would probably put the hammer down on Ripa, but I’m guessing Ripa would pass on Mr. “McUseMyHandsBecauseICan’tThink” (that may be the longest McFakeLastName joke ever, EvilB let’s put an intern on researching that).

Anyway, the news from The View is that everything is fine and could we please move on to talking about Babwa Wa-Wa’s wisp again?

Walters said:

“This is what I want to say. Rosie O’Donnell is one of the kindest, most sensitive people I know. And so is our friend Kelly Ripa. And Rosie and Kelly talked yesterday after the show. Rosie and Clay Aiken have talked. And all is well with the world, and all is well with them. So let’s move on.”

Hmm. Rosie may indeed be kind, in fact I fondly I remember that one day she brought me lunch without my even asking, but I’d take a bit of umbrage at that “sensitive” label. Unless sensitive means butting your nose into other people’s affairs and then totally screwing someone over whom you’re professing to defend. Then, by all means, she’s as sensitive as all get-out.

Many are saying that Rosie — intentionally or unintentionally — “lanced” Clay Aiken (meaning she outed him — the term comes from Lance Bass being outed by comments his boyfriend made). I mean, I think we’re all aware that Aiken’s gay, but he seems dead set on staying in the closet, and if anyone crossed the line o’ respect in all this, I think it was Rosie.

• I bet Dane Cook and Jessica Simpson have really deep pillow talk. “I know many consider Thus Spoke Zarathustra to be Nietzsche’s most important work, Jess, but I’ve personally always felt it to be Ecce Homo, with it’s ultimate emphasis on transvaluation.” “I concur, Dane. So very heartily.”
• Sigourney Weaver injures her knee on a trampoline while filming a movie. “You have to learn what not to do with your knees,” says the actress, ostensibly to Lindsay Lohan.