I received a telegram from the Beet this morning, something to the effect of “Blah, blah, my jetsetter lifestyle has tuckered me out, would you like to be beaten to a pulp by my loyal readers?”
My answer is always yes. A joyous and hateful yes. Why? Because I like the Beet. She’s my girl. And her dog, Leo, is my boy. I’m not sure about those cats yet though.
Anyway, today we’ll be getting into fun videos, a bit of gossip, and my personal opinions on who I’d fatten up if they allowed me to date/defile them. Our first contestant? Keira Knightley!
“I always bare my breasts,” she said at the press conference to promote The Edge of Love Wednesday at the Edinburgh International Film Festival. “It’s not like it’s only in this film!”
Ah, I see. For those not in the “know” this is a brazen attempt to promote a movie that around eight people will see. Mostly because it’s the 12th period piece in a row out of Miss Knightley but also partially because it looks like that film Atonement all over again. Now then, on a more tragic note, my own personal breasts are way fuller and bouncier these days. I’m around a C cup.
Referring to a scene in the wartime romance The Edge of Love with her onscreen husband Cillian Murphy, Knightley said: “It was very simple. It was a sex scene and I never like them when they’ve got bras on.” So when the director asked her to remove her bra, “I said, ‘All right then.’”
Indeed. We’ve all been there. Also, have you seen Cillian Murphy? He’s extremely creepy looking.
Ok then, that’s all for now. Just getting warmed up. Beet said she’d murder anyone that was mean to me but I told her it was no problem. I grew up in a broken home and I’ve already won a Pulitzer Prize for journalism. What could the internets commenters do to me?
