Katy Perry and Russell Brand posed for a very public snuggle sesh on the steps of Russell’s flat today in London. The two, who have only been dating for a few months, seem to be heating up rather quickly. Last night at the EMA’s (the European version of the VMA’s) where Katy was serving as host, she surprised her man by dedicating one of her 12 costume changes to him. Katy wore a red and light blue corset and short-shorts combo (you know, those things she’s always wearing) to represent Russell’s favorite football team West Ham. She even had his nickname “Rusty” stitched on to her butt and the team’s emblem situated on top of her nipples. Uh, save it for the bedroom?

Katy Perry is a gorgeous girl with a fabulously funky fashion sense, I’ll admit it. I can’t stand her music, her personality grates me more than any other famous person, but I will give her that one thing: the girl can dress herself and look cute in photos. That’s why I seriously don’t get these pictures that were just released to promote her stint hosting the 2009 MTV Europe Music Awards. It’s not like these awards take place on Halloween, excusing the tranny school girl look Katy is rocking in these pictures. They are coming up on November 5th. But even if the outfit was excusable, what’s up with Perry’s face? Was she being asked to smile while someone was beating puppies with a chain behind the photographer? I’ve never seen such a forced and uncomfortable smile on anyone who wasn’t being asked to pose with their curvy, underage, bikini-clad daughter. And every.single.photo is at least as awkward as the one above. Check ‘em out yourself…

Katy Perry hosted her 25th birthday bash at Sunset Beach last night and amongst the guests were her boyf Russell Brand, Taylor Swift and JoJo… oh, and many Oompa Loompas. Katy’s theme was a white party with Willy Wonka overtones and the guests left with their pristine frocks covered in multi-colored paint. Who knows what went on in there, but it looks fun.

Image from TMZ.com

Katy Perry and Russell Brand are dating, which is just stupid. It seems far too contrived to even be real, and despite the fact that I more or less hate her, I do think that Katy Perry is a good girl deep down that won’t possibly stick around with someone as wild as Brand. But whatever. That’s their problem.

This is my problem: The two of them went to go visit Jim Morrison’s grave yesterday. On a “date”. How quaint, right? Russell Brand is teaching Katy about all sorts of things that people are normally cultured on by the time they are her age, like classic rock and Oscar Wilde, and now they’re off to “have a moment” in front of Jim Morrison’s grave. And that makes me ill. The sheer trying too hard-ness is just plain old too much.

It may not be the healthiest approach, but I think it’s human nature to just totally ignore a situation when we wish it wasn’t happening.  Some people do it when they find a mysterious lump or start suffering some unusual physical symptom.  I did it just last night at my kid’s school open house when I just did not want to deal with the mother who never shuts up.  I could see her in my peripheral vision, trying hard to catch my attention, and I just kept starting at the water bubbler. (That’s a drinking fountain for all of you who don’t live in Wisconsin or Massachusetts.)

There’s something else I’ve been trying to avoid, and that’s the rumors of Katy Perry dating Russell Brand.  This couple terrifies me.  She with her dice and banana dresses and he with his three conquests a day.  He made a few Katy Perry/hotel room jokes at the VMAs, but again, I was in denial.

Unfortunately, they were photographed together at a Fendi party in France last night, which kind of confirms the news I’ve been dreading.  If there’s any bright side, we can call them “Rusty” for their couple nickname.  Or “Berry”.  Or “Rusty Berry”.

You know what? Underneath all the peacocks and pizza and dice, Katy Perry has an amazing body.

Here, Katy hangs around backstage in an ill-fitting frilly pink bikini after a beach concert in Miami.

A word of advice though: if your band is riding up like that in the back, it’s a sure sign it’s too big. Get a smaller band size (one that sits level from front to back). Your knockers can thank me later.

That was the worst headline ever and you all should totally be giving the finger to your monitors.  Right.  Now.  I deserve it.  But, it’s Friday and it’s a slow news day, Katy Perry has crazy eyes and I’m only human.

Pictures of Katy Perry this morning — Witness my restraint.  I’m not saying that she took a gamble by wearing that atrocious dress and I’m not saying that it looks like crap(s) — performing outside the Today Show studios and admiring some plastic bananas.  Katy Perry.  Fuzzy dice dress.  Bananas.  You can draw your own conclusions.