Dressing like it’s 1992 will not, in fact, actually make it 1992 again.

It’s 2008, and you married Tom Cruise, and nothing you do can ever change that.

I’m so sorry, sweetheart.

Here’s Katie leaving rehearsals for her Broadway debut in the revival of All My Sons, which is having some trouble selling tickets.

Here’s my theory: Katie spent the night at her secret lover’s penthouse (Eliot Spitzer? Maybe.) and didn’t have clean clothes to wear the next day, so she slipped on a pair of his jeans and decided to act like she’s bringing back an old trend. Smooth, Katie. Very, very smooth. But not smooth enough for me!

[Image via Splash]

Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise hit up the Laguna Seca Moto GP in Monterey on Sunday, and Katie managed to hide her purple left hand in every single photo.

She has truly gone crazy-style Scientology.

It’s been a long time since Katie Holmes was doing live theater at her high school in Toledo, Ohio.

But the 29-year-old will hit the Broadway stage — her first stage performance since Toledo — on September 18, in a revival of Arthur Miller’s All My Sons.

No doubt Tom Cruise is ecstatic that he’ll have an excuse to spend so much time around Broadway boys, now.

On Friday, Victoria Beckham took son Cruz on a little shopping trip along Rodeo.

And she brought along — gasp! — Eva Longoria?

And Eva is holding Cruz’s hand?

Ack, the betrayal!!!!

What happened to Victoria’s longtime shopping buddy, Katie Holmes? Were Posh and Becks finally scared off by the Cruise’s attempts to convert them to Scientology? Were they bitter at having been replaced by the more racially diverse Pinkett-Smiths? Has Tom Cruise finally put his foot down, forbidding Katie from leaving the house outside his presence? Ever since they got back to the States after Tom was filming in Germany, Katie has basically never been photographed without Tom. There are a handful of exceptions, but they almost all involve Katie promoting Mad Money.

What happened to this shopping friendship??

What on earth could possibly explain Posh going shopping with anyone other than Katie?

As rumors swirl that Katie Holmes is pregnant again, Tom Cruise took his 65-year-old wife to dinner at Cut Steakhouse in Beverly Hills, where Will Smith and wife Jada joined them.

Seriously, Katie looks sooooo old these days.

I mean, from a height perspective, it would just work better, doncha think?

Tom, Katie, Will and Jada all attended the very first annual Black Women in Hollywood luncheon on Thursday.

And while I’m all about recognizing the work of black women in Hollywood, I also think the surest way to make such an event not about black women in Hollywood is to have Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise there. I mean, I guess it means people like me are writing about it, but, in all honesty, I saw these pics of Tom & Katie and thought to myself, “Hm, I want to use these pictures. Now I just have to figure out a way to involve black people, too, or I’ll take shit for writing about a Black Women in Hollywood luncheon while running a photo of Tom Cruise.” But you know what? That’s what everyone is going to do.

Thoughts?

Stand down, Mary-Kate Olsen! You lose, sweetheart. For all I know, you’re currently inside Katie Holmes’ bag.

Seriously, people always give me shit for carrying around a huge-ass bag, but this thing takes the cake. What does she have in that thing? L. Ron Hubbard’s remains?

We’re being treated to all sorts of fun shots of Katie Holmes lately, as she’s on the publicity circuit for Mad Money, the female bank-heist flick that will, predictably, bomb in theaters. This shot was taken as she was on her way to do Good Morning America.

Check out Katie Holmes on Regis & Kelly.

Part II of the interview is after the jump.

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