The peg-and-rolls are back!

And are those penny loafers?

I believe they are!

Katie Holmes and her new haircut flew back from New York so that they could be two feet taller than Tom Cruise at the LA premiere of Tropic Thunder.

Also there: Alicia Silverstone (remember her?), John Krasinski and Jodie Foster, along with cast members Matthew McConaughey, Ben Stiller and Christine Taylor (who’s Ben’s wife, but also has a cameo in the film).

Now she’s just fucking with us.

She sits at home in her cage at night like “How can I take ugly jeans to the next level?”

It’s the only hobby she has left, you guys. Tom won’t even let her watch reruns of Dawson’s Creek anymore. So maybe we should go easy on her.

Nah.

Honestly, I find it more shocking that she’s not wearing jeans eight sizes too big.

Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise did a little photo shoot for the paparazzi in Manhattan the other day.

This little girl, I must admit, is becoming quite adorable. When she was younger, she didn’t quite know what to make of the paparazzi, but I think she’s starting to understand what they are and how to pose for them. It’s about time. Shiloh knew how to do that when she was six months old.

She is not as cute as Shiloh, IMHO, who is destined to be The Most Beautiful Human in the History of the Species, but she’s still pretty darned cute, especially in that little dress and gold slippers.

If only Katie could wear something that cute!

Is it just me, or is Katie slowly becoming, like, the long-lost Olsen triplet? Fraternal triplet, of course. But still.

My mom left town this afternoon, after a visit that may have lasted a couple of days too long. I love my mother, and, when I was little, she always had her make-up on and her hair blown out all pretty and a lovely outfit on. But then life happened, and she now considers herself to be more of a spiritual creature than someone who dwells in a world of material concerns. So we’re walking around the mall today, and I keep offering to buy her nice clothes or new sunglasses or teeth whitening or something and she’s just like, “No, no, you save your money, sweetheart,” and I realized that it just bothers me so, so much that she has completely abandoned all the “values” she impressed on me as a child. So I’m weighed down with all these material concerns — Does my hair look alright? Is this the right shade of lipstick? I can’t wear those white shoes, it’s after Labor Day — that she has so gloriously transcended, after neatly passing them on to me. And I realize that I’m fucking bitter about this. And I just kind of snapped at her in the mall, like, “Jesus, Mom, why do you insist on dressing like a homeless woman?” And she, of course, is like “I am plenty rich in spirit,” etc, etc. And then I realized that I’m a huge, snobby asshole who really needs to get over myself. And then I bought hair extensions. So whatever. My spiritual growth is clearly incomplete. But I’m working on it.

I don’t know what my point was. Just, like, this picture seemed to perfectly capture the image of me and my mom walking in the mall today. Except my mom’s shoes weren’t that cute and I’m not an alien.

Katie Holmes is STILL clomping around New York in those atrocious, over-sized man jeans … but today they’re not even cuffed!

Gasp!

Just when I thought that nothing could possibly look worse than the cuffed man-pants … I see the un-cuffed man-pants! Definitely, definitely worse.

I mean, Katie knows we’re watching at this point. The paparazzi know her rehearsal schedule for her upcoming Broadway show, obvs, and they’re always waiting for her when she gets out. She knows she’ll be photographed. So WTF kind of statement is she trying to make here? Ugly ugly ugly.

You will all wear peg-and-roll jeans this season.

You must.

Katie will see to it.

Do you think it’s possible that there’s a secret coded message here? Maybe somewhere in the creases of the roll is encoded directions for freeing her from the prison Tom locks her up in at night? That’s the only way this makes sense to me. I’ve never seen Katie so passionate about a fashion trend before. This is a cry for help, you guys.