Cameron Diaz was flirting her face off with some dude last night at Katie Holmes’ 31st birthday party in Seville and the paparazzi caught some really low-quality photos of it. TomKat (can we still say stuff like that?) were in town with Connor, Isabella and Suri while Tom was filming Knight & Day with Cameron. The Holmes-Cruise fam left last night to head back to the states after the party, but Cameron decided to hang back and chill in Spain for a little bit. I don’t know guys, from the looks of these pictures, she’s cruising for a little bit of a European fling. Maybe she’s feeling like that chick in that movie Under The Tuscan Sun? I never saw that movie, but I remember the trailer and I got the jist. What if Cameron Diaz and that dude fall in lust and have a crazy four and a half month affair that’s completely driven by their sexual desires and ends when they realize that they don’t really have much in common, it’s was just one of those weird physical chemistry things? That’d be pretty deep. I’d allow that.

Sunday night, as Katie Holmes attended the Dizzy Feet Foundation charity event, she finally answered the question that all of America has been asking:  Why does three-year-old Suri wear high heels?  Katie explained that Suri loves her mother’s high heels, so Holmes researched and found ballroom dancing shoes for toddlers.

I guess this is supposed to put everyone’s concerns at rest.  If they are ballroom dancing shoes, I reckon that means that they aren’t damaging to little, developing feet?  They cost about a hundred bucks a pair so that must mean that they are more acceptable.

Personally, it’s still a preschooler in high heels which just doesn’t look to me, but that’s not my call.  As long as Tom and Katie have money socked away for a therapist who can explain to Suri why being allowed to wear whatever she wants despite climate or age appropriateness isn’t necessarily the best parenting strategy, who am I to judge?

Katie Holmes was out in LA last night by herself at the Dizzy Feet Foundation’s Inaugural Celebration Of Dance, which is an awfully rare occurrence. Even rarer, she didn’t look completely miserable the whole time. No lies, I’ve been worried about Katie since she got Scientologized and like the rest of the world, can’t help but notice that she’s been looking like a zombie for the last two years. As rare as it to see her out alone, it’s even rarer to see her out alone, smiling and maybe even acting like the sillyheart we all knew and loved back in her Dawson’s days. Maybe some time away from Tom wouldn’t be all that bad for Kat.

Toddler and fashion plate Suri Cruise was skipping around NYC yesterday in a pair of heels like Carrie Goddamn Bradshaw, which is only more evidence that this little girl is secretly a 20-something woman. The clothes, the heels, the way she works a camera. I’m telling you, Suri Cruise has more game than most of the women I know. That heel may only be an inch, but I don’t think I rocked anything like that until I was at least fourteen, and even then I wobbled my way up on stage to accept my diploma at my eighth grade graduation. She even looks like she’s got her Naomi Campbell walk down in that photo above.

Readers, I present to you a challenge: find me a photo in which Suri Cruise looks closer to a toddler than a fierce fashionista and I will give you a gold star and a thumbs up.

I know you’ve all been concerned, so I wanted to keep you updated on Boston’s weather.  It’s warmed up over the past few days, we even have a rose in full bloom out in the yard.  With the rising temperatures, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have decided to start putting little Suri in tights and long sleeves.  Expect wool sweater coats and cashmere leggings next June!

The Cruise clan headed out for a coffee in Boston last weekend and ended up with a gaggle of people following them around the streets. The internet is up in arms, not about a large group of pedestrians stalking a family (blame it on Xenu-phobia) but about the fact that in a few pictures, Suri is seen sipping from a Starbuck’s cup.

I’m not gonna go all ballistic Dr. Spock on this one. Maybe it’s a cup full of Starbucks’ delicious apple cider. Or maybe they just let her have a little sip to see how it tastes -that’s okay, right?

Or does this kid need a full-blown parenting intervention, stat? I hear Michael Lohan is looking for something to do.

I was in the gym today, “working out,” and training next to me was a male fitness model, all big and toned and wearing, no joke, lululemon women’s hot pants. These, specifically, I think.

He was complaining to his lifting buddy: “I can’t seem to gain weight. I’ve lost ten pounds and I can’t put it back on again.”

I thought I could be of use here. “You could do what I do,” I told him. “Just eat a whole lot.”

He laughed. “Oh, sweetheart, I do,” he said. “I’m eating 3500 calories a day!”

I fake-laughed because the poor sap doesn’t understand the human body at all. “You’re obviously doing it wrong,” I explained. “What I do is eat 3500 calories of refined sugar in the evening before bed. That seems to do the trick.”

Then I told the whole gym about how I ate ice cream with peanut butter in it last night, and they hung on my every word while they ate carrots and bell peppers. Then they all went off to do fitness photo shoots and I went home to eat cookies and write a gossip blog. This is why I am single and they are all having hot sex with each other.

What is the point here?

Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise did a few laps around a track in Boston yesterday. The baby doll is winning. Also, if you go through all the photos, you can find a special prize: The one where Suri’s picking her nose on the track. That’s what I call the Evil Beet Workout!