Jessica Simpson and John Mayer spend New Year’s Eve sucking face. [Mollygood]

Kate Moss and Pete Doherty may or may not have gotten married in Thailand on New Year’s Day. We can state with confidence, however, that they were both high. [The Superficial]

Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz have reportedly split for good. I bet he’s realized lately what a huge mistake it was to leave Britney and hopes to win her back. [Pop on the Pop]

Wilmer Valderrama and Mandy Moore may be back together. [Bricks and Stones]

Heather Mills continues her quest to become the single most hated person in all of England. [Glitterati]

Photogs catch Nicole Richie sucking face with Joel Madden on New Year’s Eve. [The Blemish]

Jessica Simpson and John Mayer spend New Year’s Eve sucking face. [Mollygood]

Kate Moss and Pete Doherty may or may not have gotten married in Thailand on New Year’s Day. We can state with confidence, however, that they were both high. [The Superficial]

Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz have reportedly split for good. I bet he’s realized lately what a huge mistake it was to leave Britney and hopes to win her back. [Pop on the Pop]

Wilmer Valderrama and Mandy Moore may be back together. [Bricks and Stones]

Heather Mills continues her quest to become the single most hated person in all of England. [Glitterati]

Photogs catch Nicole Richie sucking face with Joel Madden on New Year’s Eve. [The Blemish]

New Years was rung in with a bang by celebrities from coast to coast. Here are some highlights of how celebrities got wasted, hooked up, and ended up giving us some great stories to kick off 2007!

Britney Spears almost dies at Pure in Vegas…no wait she was just really really “tired”…more on this later. [PerezHilton]

Nicole Richie and Joel Madden made out at Ghostbar in Vegas. You think Hillary Duff and Lindsay Lohan had a Feud…wait till she checks this out. [Dlisted]

Lindsay Lohan just looked beat in Miami. For not drinking she looks wasted here. [Mollygood]

Pete Doherty and Kate Moss tie the knot in Phuket, Thailand. Even though he is a drug addict and she just got her career back after a cocaine arrest…it seemed like a good idea at the time. [Daily Mail]

Hope you have recovered from your hangovers…

For the record, Abbie Cornish claims she and Ryan Phillippe are “friends and that’s it.” [Just Jared]

In a last-ditch effort to make something good come of Elizabethtown, Orlando Bloom and Kirsten Dunst are now officially dating. [A Socialite's Life]

Nicole Richie fires celeb stylist Rachel Zoe, possibly because she’s the only person on the planet who makes Richie look obese in comparison. [Perez Hilton]

Kate Moss’s fiance, Pete Doherty, is arrested for possession of crack cocaine. [Cele|Bitchy]

Carmen Electra is old now, too. And bless the girls at Dirty Laundry, who always link to the full-size photos of celebs, so you can check out every little zit and wrinkle on her aging little face. [Dirty Laundry]

Oh hells no! Britney removes K-Fed from her top 12 on MySpace. That’s what you get for writing mean things about her on shower walls, Kevin. [Faded Youth]

Kate Moss and Pete Doherty are turned away from the London world premiere of Casino Royale, after someone very wise determined that perhaps Queen Elizabeth should not share a red carpet with a world-renowned cokehead. [Agent Bedhead]

Madonna confirms that she plans to adopt a baby girl from Malawi, in order to “redress the balance” in her family. Madonna says things like “redress” because she’s British. Oh wait. [Dirty Laundry]

Donald Trump is going to be a grandpa. Sadly, it’s not because Lance Armstrong knocked up Ivanka. [The Bosh]

Madame Tussaud’s unveils the new Ashlee Simpson wax likeness. What’s that? Oh, I’m told that’s actually Ashlee Simpson. [Celebrity Smack]

Okay, so, in college, some friends and I determined that Sexual Misadventures with Kimmy Gibbler would be, hands-down, the best band name ever. My reasons for mentioning this now are twofold. First, it’s still true, and someone should get on that. Second, Bob Saget actually makes reference to sex with Kimmy Gibbler in this clip of his stand-up, where he sings “Danny Tanner Is Not Gay” to the tune of the Backstreet Boys’ “I Want it That Way.” [BWE]

Are you ready to masturbate to sneakers? Reebok sure hopes so. They’ve hired Scarlett to co-create a line of footwear and apparel and star in the ad campaign. [IDLYITW]

Finally! It’s time for the Reese Witherspoon love interest rumors! Up first: Jake Gyllenhaal. [Hollywood Grind]

Tobey Maguire and girlfriend, Irrelevant McNotfamous, welcome a baby girl. [Hollyscoop]

Joley Richardson quits Nip/Tuck. She’s hoping to be cast in a show with more plausible plotlines, possibly something involving giant, mutant, hermaphoditic aphids who eat Koreans and occasionally find themselves in awkward love triangles including the wife of their college roommate. [HGW]

Beyonce and Eva Longoria will be getting all lesbo on the big screen. Where will you be, Paul Reuebens? [Bossip]

Someone asked me the other day how Kate Moss is still so employable, even after the whole cocaine scandal. This is a link to a black-and-white video of Kate Moss, wearing lingerie and saying quiet, mysterious things. More of you will click on this link than any other in this group, probably by a factor of three. And that, my friends, is how Kate Moss is still so employable, even after the whole cocaine scandal. [Agent Bedhead]

In a shocking twist to the Kevin Federline saga, he demands Grey Goose in his dressing room. Check out the rest of the hospitality rider. [CelebSlam]

If Brad Pitt smokes, it must be cool. [Teddy and Moo]

Actor Jack Palance dies. [Hollyweird Gazette]

While you all are hard at work solving my movie puzzle, you might want to take a short break to relax, have a cup of coffee, and check out Kate Moss topless and dancing. It’s mesmerizing, really.