And I’d like to meet the person that loves it.  Kate Moss in LA.

So I’m telling my mom the other day about my grand scheme for child-rearing. I’m going to have a baby, keep the baby until it’s eight or nine or so — whenever they develop their own personalities and start asserting themselves — and then I’m going to send this child to boarding school and not deal with it until it’s an adult and prepared to make some sense. Because if my own child is anything like I was when I was a teenager, I want nothing to do with him or her. It’ll just make my own mother too smug to watch me struggle against a teenager just like myself.

“See,” I explained to my mother, “then the kid can’t resent me, because I won’t have been involved in any of the major decision-making processes in his or her life. There won’t be anything he or she can hold against me.” My mother glared at me, as mothers do. “Well, Mom,” I said, “I’ll call him on his birthday every year. It’s not like I’m going to be totally absent.”

Anyway.

I thought of this when I read that Kate Moss switched places with her daughter’s nanny as a birthday present for the nanny.

The nanny – on hols with Kate in Ibiza, looking after her daughter Lila Grace – woke to a fancy showbiz brekkie of smoked salmon and champagne.

She was then wined and dined, taken out on a yacht and lavished with gifts.

So, once a year, Kate Moss spends time with her child while the nanny sleeps and gets drunk. The rest of the year, it’s the other way around. This approach to motherhood, I feel, would work well for me.

Poor Kate Moss needs lots of friends to help her go potty.

Or so it would seem.

Kate left an Agent Provocateur event in NYC because she was told there was a strict one-person-at-a-time rule for the bathroom. Kate wanted to bring three of her friends in with her.

“But I’m hosting the event!” she complained. The bathroom attendant didn’t budge. At that point, Kate said “Forget it” and walked away.

You know how some people are pee-shy? Like, they can’t pee when someone’s watching them? I think Kate Moss is the opposite of pee-shy. She simply cannot urinate unless there are a minimum of three people there to watch her.

Or, you know, she wanted to do cocaine with her friends in the bathroom.

But that’s kind of a stretch.

Everyone who’s anyone in London showed up on Tuesday night for the launch of the Christmas line of Kate Moss’s Topshop line.

It’s like the more heroin this girl injects, the more people want to buy things from her. No wonder she doesn’t want to quit.

Celebs who showed up include Simon Cowell, Jade Jagger, Elle Macpherson, Lily Allen, Naomi Campbell, and Sophie Dahl.

I didn’t really think that I would be writing about Pete Doherty twice in one day but the Daily Mail is reporting today that Kate Moss and Pete Doherty are offically engaged.

Performing a solo gig at the Hackney Empire in east London, he introduced the track “KP Nuts”, and said: “I am dedicating this song…” before the crowds interrupted him to shout out “Kate, Kate”. The singer then replied: “Yes, to my beautiful fiancee.”

This happened at the same Hackney Empire show that we showed pictures of this morning. It passed without incident to the chagrin of some fans who were hoping for drug induced drama. Instead it was all about Kate and Pete’s love.

You know when you see a friend who is making a huge mistake…ya, it is that like that.

She’s totally going to get a walk on her Today Show cuss-fest. Because The Sun has video of Kate Moss loverboy/rehab regular Pete Doherty actually injecting cocaine into his body. Warning: I’m totally not kidding. If watching a pathetic British rock star pierce his skin with a needle jam-packed with junk is going to bother you in any way, don’t click on this video.

Howard Stern gets David Arquette to dish on the Brad/Jen split. [INO]

Kate Moss may be a hopeless cocaine addict, but she’s an addict who can sell some clothes. Burberry knows this. [Celeb Warship]

Trust me, if the Kim Kardashian sex tape exists, no one wants it to hit the Internet more than Kim Kardashian. [Bossip]

Father of the Year Kevin Federline announces that the forfeit of his relationship with Sean and Jayden is worth $25M per kid. [The Blemish]

A pregnant Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott hit the press junkets. [Teddy and Moo]

Justin Timberlake takes his face out of Scarlett’s breasts for long enough to issue a formal break-up statement with Cameron Diaz. [Faded Youth]

Spicy Pants from Celebrity Smack is going to be on the radio! Be sure to tune in and listen. [Celebrity Smack]

MK from popbytes has 30 Seconds to Blog for an AOL webcast and he does a fantastic job. [popbytes]