I think Kate Gosselin’s next book needs to be called Separate Couches. Because that’s the thing that stands out most in this teaser for their season premiere. No matter how badly Kate and Jon hated each other before, they always did their interviews sitting together on a couch, even though their body language indicated that they wanted to be far, far away from one another.

For the season premiere, they’re totes being interviewed separately. They won’t even sit on a couch next to each other! Ouch!

“The world isn’t about ratings and TV. It’s about happiness and love and companionship and God,” Jon tells the camera. “And, you know, I think we all get caught up in everything. Too much of anything is bad. Because I love my kids, I love my family and that’s what it is … Kate and I obviously have been going through a lot of stuff and discussing what’s best for our kids. What we said in the beginning — it’s a crazy life, but it’s our life — that’s so true.”

I hope VH1 is already talking to Jon about doing Jon Minus Nine. I’m thinking some manner of Rock of Love-style dating show. Except instead of knowing all the lyrics to “Every Rose Has Its Thorn,” the girls will have to name and spell all his children. I, for one, will be tuning in, if not competing.

Us Weekly continues on its endless stream of Gosselingate stories with new “revelations” that Kate Gosselin is a difficult employer.  No kidding.

Baby nurse Angela Krall took care of the sextuplets for over a year during their infancy.  And because everyone except the Gosselin’s dry cleaner (and come to think of it, he probably has sent Jon Gosselin’s pants out for DNA testing) is granting interviews, Krall had lots to say about Kate and what a controlling shrew she is.

According to the caretaker, prior to being employed by the Gosselins Kate had fired forty nurses and assistant nurses in a three-month span of time.  She also applied for extended Medicaid benefits to pay Krall’s salary since Jon was unemployed and they hadn’t landed their TLC deal yet.  “Kate Gosselin said she feels society has a responsibility to help with the children, since modern medicine promotes the use of fertility drugs, which can lead to multiple births.”

The nurse also states that Kate had condescending signs posted in every room and flipped out when employees “cross-contaminated” by washing their hands in the kitchen instead of the bathroom.

The ex-employee also shares what happened that led to Kate being estranged from her father.  When Kate was pregnant her dad, pastor Kenton Kreider, gave her cribs that were donated from parishioners.  Gosselin rejected them because she wanted six matching cribs and this caused a rift.

Kate is a controlling, neat-freak who can’t hold onto help and has spent twenty-one of the last thirty days on a book tour while Jon has been at home with a twentysomething eight kids.  How much longer until People snags the “Split!” cover?

At least they can be civil for the kids. They haven’t been seen together in two weeks, but Jon and Kate Gosselin were in the same place on Sunday, to celebrate the fifth birthdays of Alexis, Hannah, Aaden, Collin, Leah and Joel. As Us Weekly bitchily notes, “The celebration was a week late: Kate spent the afternoon of the sextuplets’ actual birthday — Mother’s Day — at a tanning salon instead of with her kids.” (How does one spend an entire day at a tanning salon? Shut up, Us Weekly.)

J&K barely spoke a word to each other, although Jon chatted with Steve Neild, Kate’s bodyguard who she’s rumored to be sleeping with. The camera crew was, of course, on hand.

I can’t believe the sextuplets are already five years old! They’ve been famous since they were born! I sure hope Kate’s saving some of this TLC money for their therapy sessions later in life, and not spending it all on tanning.

Remember how last year Aunt Jodi’s sister started that blog, Truth Breeds Hatred, that basically bashed Kate Gosselin into little tiny pieces before it was uber-hip to do so? Well, a few months ago, I was helping a reporter do some stalking, and I added that blog to my RSS feed. I never removed it, and I never noticed that I never removed it because she hadn’t written anything in months and months. But it just popped up in my RSS feed again — Aunt Jodi’s sister is back on the warpath, talking trash about Kate.

Some lovely tidbits from the last few days:

I just wanted to thank all of those who have already voiced their support for Kevin and Jodi. They would not have spoken out unless they felt that it was absolutely necessary in order so save the Gosselin children from a horrific situation. I’m sickened to hear that Figure 8 is continuing to film and TLC and everyone else involved will profit off of the destruction of a family. Kate will stop at nothing to get what she wants. She has a team of people protecting her and helping her spin her lies to keep this nightmare going. She is focused on her new “career” and she won’t let anyone stand in her way, including her husband and children.

I’m hoping that the upcoming stories will help connect the dots and shed some light on why I came forward last year to voice my concerns for the situation. Although the revelations are sad, and in some ways unbelievable, the children are living a life that is much worse than will be printed in any publication.

And then this:

Just when I think that Kate has stooped to the lowest level possible, she outdoes herself. Has she completely lost touch with reality?

So much for “handling it privately”, as she stated late last week. I am disgusted that she is continuing to spread her lies, and discussing very private matters to the media. She completely throws her husband under the bus in order to pursue her own agenda. It is becoming more obvious that she will stop at nothing to get what she wants. She is setting herself up for sympathy and letting everyone know that the show must go on.

It’s true that Kate’s focus hasn’t changed. Doing the show was never about “just making ends meet” or “just paying for college”. Kate did her research and set her plan into motion before the sextuplets were even born. She is using the show–although it’s far from reality–as a means to other opportunities–her new “career”. Kate will never be satisfied. It will never be enough for her. They have reportedly made millions so far and she will keep going without any thought of what this is doing to her family.

Dayum!

When the things your own family blogs about you are worse than anything the tabloids print, you have a very serious problem.

Wow, this is a very personal interview. You’ll recall that in the early seasons of Jon & Kate Plus 8, Aunt Jodi and Uncle Kevin were a big part of the family’s life. Then they suddenly disappeared, and rumors swirled — confirmed by Jodi’s sister — that the production company had tried to pay Jodi for all her time on the show, and Kate freaked out and kicked the couple out of their lives.

Now Kevin and Jodi are speaking out! They’re confirming that Jon & Kate really do fight constantly, that they believe the rumors than Kate is cheating too, and they’re siding with Jon — even though Kevin is Kate’s blood relative! WOW!!!

They say that Jon & Kate fought so much that the production crew would struggle to find 15 minutes of usable footage after eight hours of filming, and that some of the crew actually had moral issues with the fact that they were promoting this horrible couple as the perfect family. WOW! WOW! WOW!!!!

The marriage of Jon and Kate Gosselin is “over”, Kate’s brother Kevin Krieder and his wife Jodi say in an explosive new video interview, only on RadarOnline.com.

On the stunning video, Kevin Krieder, 32, says “Six months ago Kate came to Jon and said, ‘Hey, it’s over.’”

As RadarOnline.com recently reported, Jon has been having an extramarital affair with a third grade school teacher, Deanna Hummell. Kate is rumored to be cheating with her bodyguard Steve Neild.

Both Jon and Kate have denied having affairs. Kate’s bodyguard and Deanna Hummell have also denied the affairs.

Kevin’s wife Jodi says everyone ignored the problems in the marriage to keep the show’s ratings high. She says: “The show is not reality, and has not been for a long time. This is a train wreck.”

Kevin adds: “Their family is in shambles.”

Jodi and Kevin gave their only print interview to Star magazine, and in a cover story this week, they say the marriage is now governed by a secret contract. They reveal details of that contract in Star’s interview.

Kevin says both Jon and Kate need to give up the fame and fortune in order to save their marriage while Jodi says a divorce would affect the children terribly.

In the Star magazine interview, she explains how she believes Kate is exploiting the kids and how badly it’s affecting them.

Kreider says his sister Kate wants to be a talk show host, and she really is starting to believe her own press.”

You can watch the actual video of the interview here. This is the most on-the-record scoop anyone’s gotten about this upcoming divorce.

When is Kate going to finally fess up to the truth?

Star is getting in on all the Gosselin drama, making the couple their cover story this week.  Instead of random postulating, Kate’s brother and sister-in-law, Kevin and Jodi Kreider share their perspective.  And it ain’t good.

According to Kevin, and now we know where that not-so-outlandish People story came from, Jon shared with him his suspicions that Kate “Stop Breathing So Loudly” Gosselin was having an affair with their bodyguard Steve Neild.  I don’t really see the problem since Kate’s brother also maintains that the Gosselins have a contract written up that permits Jon to have girlfriends on the side as long as he continues to stay on the show.

Keider also confirms that when TLC suggested they be paid for their time on Jon & Kate Plus 8, Kate flipped out and ended their relationship.  She is now estranged from all her siblings and her parents.

But the most shocking accusation brought to light?  Kate’s controlling.  Stay tuned for next week’s article titled “Bombshell!  Kate Gosselin Likes To Clean!”

I would like to start off by saying that Kate Gosselin’s new epithet is most definitely Kate “Stop Breathing So Loudly” Gosselin. (Thanks Wendie! I couldn’t stop laughing at that one.) Secondly, the LA Times has an interesting story today about how the Jon & Kate producers are scrambling to incorporate Jon’s cheating ways into the storyline for the show — which has its season premiere scheduled in two weeks.

I didn’t realize this, but the LA Times says that Us Weekly — which broke the Jon cheating scandal — has seen its sales skyrocket as a result of their J&K coverage. My guess is that a lot of people who don’t normally read gossip mags are avid followers of J&K. (In fact, this website is proof of that — we have a whole nest of commenters who only comment on J&K stories.)

The last J&K season finale drew 4.6 million viewers, a HUGE number for a cable show. Lord only knows how many people will tune in now to watch the fallout. Honestly I don’t know how Kate is going to be able to sit on that couch next to Jon and do an interview without stabbing him repeatedly in the eye. The producer is gonna be all like, “So, Kate, tell us about Aaden’s appointment at the ear doctor” and she’s gonna be all like “JON! STOP BREATHING SO LOUD! YOUR HAIR PLUGS LOOK AWFUL! YOUR FACE IS TOO RED! WHY ARE YOU SO FAT?”

Sigh.

I am SO excited.