Jon is on his apology tour and now Kate was all apologetic on last night’s TLC special, Kate:  Her Story.  Since they can’t film the kids anymore, we are treated to 42 minutes of Kate Gosselin’s thoughts and insight every single Monday night.

Kate admits to being too hard on Jon, but immediately negates her admission by stating that she had to handle everything.  You know what I think?  I think she took control over everything in their lives because it gave her the power to boss Jon around and then blame him when everything went to hell.  They both just wear me out so much, y’all.  (I’d also like to take this opportunity to apologize for my recent overuse of “y’all.”  I’m not from the south and I’m not Britney Spears.  I have no good excuse.)

This is a whole lotta mea culpas goin’ on.  Could there be a reunion of these two?  Jon & Kate Decorate:  For The Holidays, That is.

Last year, it was Sarah Palin. I saw so many Palins on Halloween I thought was at the governor’s igloo in Alaska. This year– and I hope I don’t incur the wrath of Sasha by saying this– the most overdone costume is definitely Jon & Kate Gosselin. Our own esteemed Beet went to work yesterday dressed up as one third of a Jon, Kate, and Hailey Glassman trio. Check out the pics she posted to her Twitter.

As further proof this costume has jumped the shark, the couple we love to hate dressed as a pair of Gosselins and went out trick-or-treating. (Instead of candy they got 10 more minutes of fame.)

While I was out last night, I saw no fewer than 4 Kate Gosselins and 2 corresponding “Jons.” I can see why it’s a popular costume. That haircut is so terrible that it’s become downright iconic and in the same way that women use Halloween as an excuse to release their inner sluts, it’s also the one day a year you can indulge in truly hideous fashion and hair and not be held accountable for it.

It’s also a really easy couples costume to pull off. All you need is an Ed Hardy t-shirt, a blonde wig you’ve run over with a lawnmower then styled with super glue, and 8 battered, used baby dolls from the Goodwill store that you’re willing to exploit for your own personal gain.

So how many Gosselins have you seen today? Or is there another costume you’re seeing a lot of?

Even though her soon to be ex-husband has long since moved on to a 22-year old woman, Kate Gosselin has to be a little more guarded when it comes to dating. As the remaining responsible parent, Kate can’t help but think what a disaster dating other men would be for both herself and her kiddies. Yesterday on Ellen, Kate said the following about the topic of finding herself a new man, “I’m not thinking about it, but the thought has crossed my mind at some point [that] it’s going to be scrutinized. Let’s not talk about it.”

Kate’s attitude makes sense, as at this point she’s still constantly flanked by paparazzi and has the emotional well-being of her children to look after. Still, Kate is thirty-four years old and deserves to find someone she can actually spend her life with. However, these days, she’s still working on making the transition from a semi-happy two parent family to just mom the kids. Even approaching the topic of taking off her ring was something that required a lot of care. “At some point, I talked to the kids it came up very naturally and I said I’m not going to be wearing this ring very much longer. They said, ‘Oh, why?’ I said, ‘Because I’m not going to be married to Daddy anymore,’ which, of course, hearing that I don’t think was fun for them.”

Really? That wasn’t fun? I would think they’d react like you were building them their own McDonald’s Playplace in the yard! Yeesh! Guess that’s why I don’t have kids…

Like gas prices, I think we just need to accept that, where the Gosselin family is concerned, we can never go back.  There will never be a day where we pay under $2.00 for a gallon of fuel and there will never be a world in which we won’t be hearing about these people.  Ever.  So, I’m just going to report the newest because if I don’t, I get flooded with “How could you not write about …?” emails.  And they’re tiring.

Remember the babysitter, Stephanie Santoro, that was giving interviews that she had an affair with Jon?  I know there are so many of them — I get confused too! — but I wrote about it here.  Well, now she’s claiming that Jon told her he was hacking into Kate’s emails, phone records and banking.

Kate, in a statement, says she’s “disturbed” by Stephanie Santoro’s allegations. “Ms. Gosselin is carefully considering all of her legal options regarding this matter, and she will pursue them if and when the time is right,” said the statement released by Schnader Harrison Segal & Lewis, her Philadelphia law firm.

Jon, meanwhile, says Santoro is lying. “I spoke with him today concerning this statement made by Stephanie and he unequivocally told me that he’s never illegally invaded Kate’s electronic privacy in any way,” says his attorney, Mark Heller. “He also finds it a little disappointing that Kate would give credence to an uncorroborated statement made by an individual who clearly has a motivation to tell stories about Jon that might result in financial [compensation].”

You know this is going to end up back in court, right?  Everything regarding these two ends up in court.  It’s what they do.

After years of watching the little Gosselin babies grow into resilient little children, the Jon & Kate Plus 8 disaster is over.

After Jon’s insistence that the children not be filmed any longer, TLC really wasn’t left with any choice but to cancel the show.  The last episode will air in November.  What does this mean?  No more constant “I do it for my kids, it’s all about my kids” crap from Kate, and Jon can officially breathe as loud as he wants to without fear of admonishment.

I guess Jon anticipates a healthy paycheck on the horizon to feed all those mouths that used to feed themselves.  We should all anticipate more stories about Jon catchin’ some brewskies with Michael Lohan while they ogle 17 year-olds.

Jon and Kate were back in court yesterday trying to work out their financial woes with a court-appointed arbitrator.  Remember how Kate accused Jon of taking out a bunch of money and Jon accused Kate of taking a bunch of money and they both denied it?  Well the truth is out and the liar is — this is where you’d expect to hear a drum roll but I’m limited by this medium — Jon!

The court has ordered Jon — oh, did you hear that he’s half Jewish now that he’s dating Hailey Glassman? — to return $180,000 back to the Gosselin family coffers by October 26th.  Kate will also have to provide an accounting for $55,000 that she spent on family-related expenses.  Hell, 25K was probably spent on the kid’s therapy co-pays.  Oy.

Throughout this entire Gosselin divorce/feud between J + K about whether or not their kids should keep being filmed for their reality TV show, the couple has been maintaining that their kids haven’t really been effected by the whole “being pushed in to the spotlight/watching their parents fight publicly” thing. However, sources close to the family are saying that that’s not so true, and that the kids have been “acting out” for a hot minute now. The source, who spoke to Us Weekly said “They are confused and distraught and are acting out all the time in an effort to get attention from their parents.” Well, no duh.

And while everyone (including myself) has been quick to throw stones at the hunky monkey himself, J.Goss, the source is claiming that Kate is more to blame for the problems at home than she claims. “She barely talks to them. The nannies are doing 95 percent of the work. Kate has a short attention span, and everything upsets her.” It’s hard to know if this source is someone in Jon’s camp planting dirty quotes about his ex, but as someone who’s even briefly watched their show, I can tell ya that it doesn’t come as a surprise to me that ol’ Kate isn’t exactly nurturing.

But of course Jon is responsible for a lot of crappy behavior. He’s been overheard asking paparazzi what time his kids get home from school, snaps at the kids when they interrupt his phone calls and is apparently planning on throwing a “Fuck you, Kate” party once the divorce is finalized. Real mature.

One thing that Jon should double check before the party is the spelling of his ex-wife’s name. That seems to be an area of struggle for him, as he spelled his own daughter’s name wrong on her birthday cake yesterday. Yup. He told the bakery her name was spelled “Maddy”, not “Mady”. Yikes!

And that will conclude the Gosselin coverage for today. I’m going to hike up to the woods now with a gun wrapped in socks.