I don’t understand why AskMen.com always tells us the most desirable person of a given year at the beginning of the year. Is this the person that we desired the most in 2009 and that we’re not recognizing until 2010 or are they telling us who we’re supposed to concentrate on desiring in 2010? I don’t need to pull a muscle in my brain trying to sort this out, AskMen.com. SPELL. IT. OUT.

Anyway! You guys! Literally, you guys! You all voted on the top 99 hotties on AskMen.com and they’ve just released their surprising annual list. OK, let me rephrase that. I am not shocked by the list, it’s actually who I would have picked, too. Rather, I am surprised that everyone didn’t just vote for Megan Fox. Meggo didn’t even make the top 10, she fell on the list at 11. Number 1 is actually the young lady pictured above, Emmanuelle Chriqui. You probably know her as Eric on Entourage’s fiance Sloan. I’d like to congratulate the men of the world for ranking a seemingly sweet and charming woman as desirable. You’ve come so far.

Also in the top ten? Numbers two and three are Marisa Miller and Kate Beckinsale. Following them are Alessandra Ambrosio, Jessica Alba, Beyonce, Penélope Cruz, Cheryl Cole, Eva Mendes and Miranda Kerr. Not a bad list and not really anyone I would qualify as “scarily skanky” in sight. Maybe in these hard economic times men mostly “desire” smart and dependable women that can act as a pillar of strength for them, or maybe it’s just a coincidence that none of them give me “ho vibes”.

Who would you rank as the most desirable woman?

Wait until PETA gets ahold of this!  Kate Beckinsale spent hours — it takes time to look as good as she does — in the Byron Tracy salon in L.A. last week while her dog was outside, locked in the car.  The poor harnessed pooch didn’t have any water and all the windows were rolled up according to the photographers who snapped these pics.  Can a dog die this way?  I know that it’s not the best idea for toddlers.  And, does it seem like Kate really cares?  If I had highlights like those, I’m not sure I would either.  Priority:  Hair.  Secondary:  Dog.  (Before you start sending me “You and Michael Vick are Made for Each Other” hate mail, that’s sarcasm.)

This incident comes a little over a month after the actress was seen picking up the same dog by his leash.  Of course, her hair looked great then too!

It’s almost the weekend and everyone is losing their minds.  Is it my imagination or has this been the longest Friday ever?  I know that all days are supposed to be the same 24 hours, but I question that.  I know I’m not alone in my disgust of the length of this day.  Would some tits and ass make you feel better?

Kate Beckinsale has been named Esquire’s “Sexiest Woman Alive”.  Instead of just a glossy photo spread, Kate has graced the universe with a two-minute video of her prancing around in a bra, stripper shoes and not much else.

Nobody gives a damn about Kate Beckinsale. We never see pictures of her, we never hear about her, and I bet you didn’t even know she had a daughter.

Then she goes and makes some off-hand remark about how she might eat vagina were the alternative option sushi, and suddenly the photo agencies can’t take enough pictures of her.

Here’s Kate with her husband, director Len Wiseman, and daughter Lily at what appears to be Cross Creek Village in Malibu.

Kate Beckinsale was being interviewed by Moviefone for her new film, Snow Angels, and they mentioned that she’d recently told a reporter that she’d rather eat vagina than sushi. They asked her to elaborate on that point. Here’s what Kate had to say:

I have to say, sushi freaks me out more than almost anything. At least a vagina would be warm. [laughs] My publicist has literally turned a funny color and is going to go have a lie-down. He’s throwing up now, as well. I find a lot of things kind of funny and I often say what’s on my mind, and then get nine texts from all my friends going, “What’s the matter with you?” But I haven’t ever made a big attempt to have any particular image. And I don’t really worry about it.

At least a vagina would be warm??? Ew. Have you ever been eating a piece of sushi and thinking to yourself, “You know, this would be better if they’d microwave it first”? No. No one wants warm sushi. On the other hand, dudes always want to play with ice cubes on vaginas. I think Kate has it all backwards.

Leaving a tanning salon in Brentwood.

Seriously, I can get behind any chick who wears Uggs in the summer. Who says you can’t??

Rock on, Kate.

Photo credit: Buzz Foto

Ladies and gents, it’s fun with Hollywood quotes time! Where the people are just as stupid as everyone else, but their words are published all over the universe.

AP NEW YORK – Kate Beckinsale says what’s considered the ideal look in Hollywood is completely different than anywhere else in the world. “I don’t think you can aspire to it, nor can I,” she tells Glamour magazine in its May issue, on newsstands Tuesday.

Just a rumor, but I heard the chick interviewing her was like a deuce. Maybe a deuce and a half. That’s why she told the poor heifer she shouldn’t sweat it. Also, and follow closely on this logic, if you aspired to look a certain way, and then they made you look that way… well then you’d be fine right?

“Everybody is retouched, stretched, lengthened, slimmed and trimmed. I could look at a picture of myself from the past and think, `Why don’t I look like that now?’ It’s because I never have!”

Okay, but having your pictures retouched actually helped you. All those people out in “normal-people” land saw you and thought “Wowsers. She’s hot.” Then they went and saw Planet of the Apes and thought “Wow, she’s hot even as an ape!” In other news those people are freaks. Why do you find apes hot, freak? Huh?

“This is what’s sick about living in L.A. My 8-year-old daughter (Lily) will point to a woman and say, `Look! That woman’s had too much Botox.”

Dude, her eight year old sounds like a hoot. Count me in for babysitting the little pistol.

“When I was pregnant … I gained 65 pounds. Every single part of my body was thicker, even my scalp! But that’s the advantage of being young, it went right back.”

Nice. Nice. So ladies, a quick lesson for ya, if you gain a ton of weight you damn well better take it off if you’re under 35. That’s something to aspire to.

Oh Hollywood actresses, you confuse me when you use your words!