This is a bizarre and unexpected story. Cindy Crawford and her husband Rande Gerber filed court documents saying that Edis Kayalar, a friend of their former nanny, was threatening to sell the photo of the couple’s freakishly adorable 7-year-old daughter, Kaia. The photo depicts her “bound to a chair and gagged” as part of the nanny’s “cops and robbers game.” She is wearing shorts and a T-shirt in the photo.

I read the entire legal filing (it’s on TMZ), and this is a really screwed up story. Basically, the nanny had showed this Kayalar person the photo she took, and I guess her plan was to stick it on Cindy and Rande’s door as some sort of retaliation for being fired. But she decided not to, and then Kayalar stole the photo and made a bunch of phone calls to Cindy and Rande, threatening to sell it to the tabloids. They immediately contacted the authorities, and at one point Rande even gave the guy $1000 for the photograph. But then he wound up getting deported to Germany, and started demanding a bunch more money. The FBI got involved, and eventually it wound up in court.

TMZ claims that someone tried to sell them the same photo six weeks ago, and they passed, so I wonder how many other news organizations passed on this photo. Tabloids will do some dirty things, but publishing upsetting pictures of an innocent 7-year-old girl seems to be beneath everybody. Good for them!

I guess what really scares me here is how hard it is even for really, really rich people to find a trustworthy nanny. I mean, what the hell kind of nanny plays a game in which she gags your little kid and takes photos? And then responds to being let go by showing the photos to creepy people? Sooo scary and messed up. You can’t trust nannies! That’s why I’m just going to send my kids to boarding school.

Cindy Crawford’s kids are soooooo beautiful.

Like, Presley and Kaia are the prettiest kids in the whole world. You can’t genetically engineer prettier kids than this.

I mean, Presley is nine years old, and I already know I’m gonna wanna have sex with him in about ten years. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not attracted to a nine-year-old, but, like, honestly, how often can you look at a nine-year-old boy and be like “I’m gonna wanna hit that when it’s older”? But this kid? Is gonna be so hot. I mean, he already has that “Yeah, I’m insanely hot, and we both know it” look in his eyes.

And Kaia? I didn’t even know it was possible for a 7-year-old to have the bone structure of a supermodel, but this girl does. Ridiculous. Totally unfair. I’m intimidated by the looks of a second-grader. It’s a cruel, cruel world.