Justin Timberlake is visiting Jessica Biel while she is on location in Vancouver to film the A-Team movie.  Naturally, all the media outlets are reporting that Timberlake and Biel are still together or back together.  I just don’t see it that way.

They went to lunch at The Naan with a friend.  Upon leaving, Justin spent most of his time talking on his cell whilst Jessica pouted.  When he finally hung up, she clipped on to him like one of those little koala bears we used to put on our pencils.

I don’t know why Jess thinks she’s Justin’s girlfriend; according to his family, he’s single and always has been.  His grandmother puts it like this:  ”Jessica was keen to marry, but Justin isn’t ready.  He’s busy writing new material and he works hard to be successful — he’s really focused on that. As far as we’re concerned, he’s always been single. The girlfriends come and go, but we believe nothing has ever been serious.  Justin does his own thing and he isn’t ready to marry just yet.”

I never saw this coming!  According to Us Weekly, Justin and Jessica are done!

They’ve been looking so completely miserable together as of late, so this shouldn’t be shocking.  The way a “pal” tells it to Us, Justin broke up with the very talented actress a month ago.  On the phone.  Though the friend says they are broken up, he also claims that Jessica is in serious denial despite her ex’s decision to bring single back.

There have been some stories cropping up lately that tell the tale of Justin fooling around with other chicks.  Also, during one of Lindsay Lohan’s times of having her Twitter account “hacked”, the “hacker” accused JT of making out with a woman in a club.

This is what I want to know:  1)  How long until Timberlake does a SNL skit about this split?  and 2)  How long until Timberlake starts his newest “relationship destined to fail” with Rihanna?

Wooooooooow. Did Hollywood fire all its half-decent trailer directors because of the recession? Bad idea. I mean, there are shitty trailers, and then there are shitty trailers. This one falls in the latter category. Not one of these jokes is funny, and not one of these shots make Justin Timberlake look like a competent actor. Why does he keep trying? Justin, you’re really good and making music and dancing. You’re not good at acting. Give it up.

By the way, the poor girl who got sucked into this cinematic sinkhole is Kate Mara, who was in Brokeback Mountain and was also totally awesome in Transiberia. This script choice was a notable misstep on her part. Note to talented up-and-coming actresses: If a “singer-turned-actor” is involved, you shouldn’t be. Taryn Manning, I’m looking at you.

… I dunno how to finish that. The couple that jogs together … flogs together? Clogs together? Hedgehogs together? (I’m sure that means some sex thing to somebody. “Hey baby. I’m a little drunk. I think I’d be down to let you hedgehog me tonight. But you can’t tell anyone I let you!”)

Anyway, whatever it is, Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake are doing it. The couple defied break-up rumors for the billionth time by taking their perfect little bodies for a jog together in NYC. It’s so cute and healthy I could just vomit. (Doesn’t that sound easier than exercising?)

Jessica Biel and alleged kidnapper Clark Rockefeller Christian Karl Gerhartsreiter Justin Timberlake at an L.A. Lakers game last night.  Pictures in the gallery of Timberlake mounting his ho for benefit of the Jumbo Tron and the naysayers, of course.

Check out a preview of The Phone, a new show Justin’s producing for MTV. Umm, I may have to add this to my slim roster of shows.

Didn’t I predict that Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel were going to be breaking up?  I’m pretty sure I did.  So what in the hell is Justin doing making positive statements in the media about his little hooker with a heart?  In this month’s print issue of Hello magazine,(and speaking of “Hello”, uh, hello?  Is that even a real magazine?)  the former boybander was happy to swoon about his girlfriend of two years:

Recent paparazzi shots of Jessica trying on rings at a Los Angeles jeweler have only served to fuel the gossip that a wedding is [in] the cards – despite denials from Justin.

“I’ve been very lucky to find a woman as dynamic and as loving as Jessica,” says Justin. “Work has always been a huge focus in my life but now I realize how beautiful it can be to have someone to share it with. I’m so happy to have a great woman in my life.”

Q: Has it been difficult to keep you relationship as private as you might like?
“We do pretty much everything we want to do. Sometimes we get spotted by the paparazzi but usually we can find a quiet place to eat and no one will bother us. It can be distracting but you learn to keep walking and pay no attention.”

Q: Why is this relationship so special?
“We get along so well. The first thing we noticed when we started going out is how easily we made each other laugh. Sometimes when you meet someone it feels right from the beginning. She has a very engaging personality and we have a natural way of being together. I’m a lucky guy.”

Listen, Justin.  I don’t give a rat’s ass about you and Jess and your special way, okay?  All I know is that I do not appreciate you trying to fuck with my prediction success rate and I want this fuckery to cease immediately.

Le sigh.  Is it time for me to hang up my hoop earrings and crystal ball?  Hells, no.