I have fond memories of Justin Guarini. Not of Justin Guarini on American Idol — I couldn’t stand him from the start — but of Justin Guarini on my blog. On my little Evil Beet blog on the Blogger platform, the one I started because I loved to write and I loved gossip and I needed an outlet, the one that I started without any sense that, years later, it would be my full-time job. That blog’s still alive, if you want to check it out. In fact, it still gets some traffic from search engines. Back in August 2006, I wrote this post about Justin Guarini, essentially intimating that he was no longer particularly relevant. The blog, at that point, was about two months old. Guarini’s fans, who call themselves the J-Guars, descended en masse to comment on the story and to share with me their hatred toward me and point out all the many ways in which I was ill-informed, ignorant and/or had taste in music so bad as to be potentially fatal. It was the first time something I’d written caused any sort of interest on the internet, and it was the first of the hate comments. There have been many seconds and thirds ad infinitum on both those counts by now. But I always think of Justin as being somehow seminal in the growth of this site.

Justin, you helped me begin a journey that would mold the course of my life for years and years, in positive and exciting ways. And so I’m delighted to hear that you’re getting married this weekend to Reina Capodici, whom you met in high school. I’m delighted to hear that you’ve elected to use a female minister from the Universal Church to preside over the vows. I sincerely hope that this seminal event in your life will grow years and years and happiness and support. I also hope you can steal some publicity away from that damn Kardashian sister who is pregnant getting married this weekend.

Two questions:

1) WTF was Blake Lewis doing at the Grammys?
2) What happened to his face?

I don’t know what happened to the former hottie, but he looks just awful here. I don’t know if he’s been overdoing it on the beer or the Cheetos or what, but this is not a good look for him at all.

Also there, and looking very handsome by comparison, was Justin Guarini. I also don’t know what he was doing at the Grammys, but at least he doesn’t look like he ate Randy Jackson beforehand.

Here is Justin Guarini getting free stuff and acting like he still is famous at Melanie Segal’s MTV Movie Awards Platinum Luxury Lounge in LA. I don’t know who let him in. I know “From Justin to Kelly” was actually a movie but seriously, Justin Guarini…what was Sanjaya busy?

I hate both the MPAA and the FCC. Essentially I hate censorship in all its forms and I advocate a society where I’m allowed to choose what I’d like to guzzle.

That said, I am a little confused by this news: Justin Timberlake will be hosting the Kid’s Choice Awards. I know what you’re thinking, “Hey, what the hell are the Kid’s Choice Awards?” Fair point.

But I bet they involve children, unless it’s some kind of weird pedophile buffet thing. In which case I bet getting sponsorship/televised would be a bitch. So JT and the kids getting together because he’s a kid-like role model style guy. I now present you some selected lyrics to “Sexy Back.”

Dirty babe
You see these shackles
Baby I’m your slave
I’ll let you whip me if I misbehave

Oh crap, I appear to have misspoken. Later on in the song it says:

Go ahead child
Go ahead, be gone with it
And get your sexy on
Go ahead, be gone with it

Now I understand, the kids are meant to be sexy and also objects of sex. Dios Mios man. Was Guarini not available?

Take it to the bridge!

Justin Guarini has cut his hair. And, for the first time in the history of the world, the mere sight of him doesn’t make me want to vomit all over myself. Apparently he’s filming a movie and doing annoying interviews and stuff, all of which still brings on the up-chucks. However, the hair? Is okay with me now. He doesn’t look half bad. So, JGuars, you’ve won this one. This brings the current score in the Justin Guarini Sucks War to JGuars, 1, Evil Beet staff, 57. At least it won’t be a shut-out.

From my new favorite source, a brief yet elegant review of this two-and-a-half-hour Brad Pitt opus.

“babel sux. dont see it. the end.”

Also, my beloved JGuars have sent me another Justin video. I adore you guys, but keep your Beet writers straight. Evil T wrote the bit about Justin having a nice voice, not I. (Yeah, I’m watching you.) I truly admire your determination, though, and your Ghandiesque approach to growing the Justin fanbase. Keep at it, guys! I’ll keep running them.

Here is a quote from my comment section.

“You can enjoy beautiful concert videos of Justin performing at the concert (and accompanying himself on the guitar) on the You Tube site, or you can check out his Myspace Site as well for more current and accurate information.”

So you know what I did? I went to You Tube and I checked out some concert footage from his New Jersey concert. I forgot that, yes, he does have quite a nice voice. That is great that he is quite talented. I don’t question his talent but what I do question is his star power. A search of You Tube yields the following results for Justin Guarini performance videos.

Justin at Max’s Bar Mitzvah
Justin at Six Flags New England.
Justin at The Trump Marina.
Justin has his “famed” New Jersey concert

Also his fans are called Jguars. Interesting choice y’all.
Can a celebrity do something interesting please? If any of you have any news on K-Fed’s bad behavior while he was married to Britney please let us know. There are stories out there I know it!