Well, it didn’t take Samantha Burke long to whore out some photos of her daughter Sophia, the product of a short-lived tryst with Jude Law.  In a way, isn’t it lovely that Burke agreed to appear on the cover of Hello! magazine to the tune of more than a quarter of a million dollars?  Jude hasn’t met his daughter yet, so this is a good way for him to get a gander at the child.  When asked about plans for Law to meet Sophia, Burke replied “There are no plans for it to happen at the moment, but I know he’s busy.”

Jude Law got some chick pregnant; she’s due this fall.  Her name hasn’t come out yet and they aren’t in a relationship, so it was probably a typical Jude Law conquest accomplished by a liberal application of Stoli and English charm (though, obviously lacking a liberal application of spermicide).

I started going through the photo agencies’ Jude Law pictures of the past year, looking for this mysterious female that is now impregnated with Law’s kid.  (Obviously, I think I’m Nancy Drew.)  I did find some pictures of him with a woman, and they just had that “look”.  You know the look, the one that says “We’ve swapped body fluids.”  They looked really intimate with their arms wrapped around each other and lots of eye-gazing.  I was pretty much convinced that I’d found her, until I realized that the chick he looked so enamored with was … his sister.

And scene.

The hottie actor turned himself into police on Tuesday after beating the crap out of a photog he spotted outside his London home. Law was apparently concerned that the paparazzi wanted to photograph his children, and allegedly called him a pedophile.

Following the arrest, his lawyer released the following statement:

“I can confirm that Jude Law voluntarily attended Marylebone Police Station yesterday following an alleged incident outside his house earlier in the day. Mr. Law provided the police with a statement regarding his denials of allegations by a ‘paparazzi’ photographer against him and made his own allegations concerning the photographer. Jude has the utmost respect for the police and whilst this is an ongoing matter no further comment will be made.”

The real question is who isn’t he f**king? Jude has been linked to Lindsay Lohan (gross), Natalie Portman (way too good for him) and now Courtney Love’s yoga instructor. According to Courtney’s website Courtney said that she caught Jude and her yoga instructor in the act.

“[I] just found out my yoga teacher is f-ing Jude Law. She’s got a hot bod.”

You just found your yoga instructor having sex? That is a little odd. Was she early for her session and caught them doing downward dirty dogs. Jude seems kind of kinky. Honestly if I was a hot famous man I’d go the model route but to each his own. I remember back in the “Talented Mr. Ripley” days I would have totally hit Jude Law but he is heading into “rode hard and put away wet” territory.

Actually thinking about it, he and Lindsay would be a match made in horndog heaven.

Halle Berry claims she’s never had plastic surgery. [Bossip]

Gold is the new rehab. [INO]

Solange Knowles tells her husband … eh … Lisa beat me to it. [A Socialite's Life]

Fantastic. As soon as we find a fashion designer who’s not gay, he turns out to be a rapist. [Warship]

Um, who is Julie Bowen and why is she talking about her body hair? [Celebslam]

I hate to admit it, but Donald Trump’s little boy Barron is probably the cutest child on the planet. [Monica Monroe]

Get this: Janice Dickinson is probably a lot older than the appearance of her face would imply. [Yeeeah!]

Eh. Jessica Simpson is not adopting a child anytime soon, I assure you. But since everyone is reporting this, here’s a link. [Mollygood]

Jennifer Hudson uses her MySpace blog to try to convince us that not everything you read in the gossip columns is true. Yeah, right. Like I’m supposed to believe that from a girl who tried to bail last-minute on the Soul Train awards! [SOW]

The Beckhams settle on an L.A. home: Meg Ryan’s. [Rumorficial]

Cameron Diaz will have to battle Lindsay Lohan if she wants to get to Jude Law. [BYLTH]

Ryan Seacrest: His Straightest Moments. [Gawker]

Reese Witherspoon jogs the blues away. [Drunken Stepfather]

Oh, Lindsay, Lindsay. Where would we be without you? I know things are rough for you, what with you father being released from prison in, like, two hours, but do you really have to take your inner fear out on all the other women of Hollywood?

Lindsay’s prepping to head for London to film a new movie, The Best Time of Our Lives (co-starring Keira Knightley), and decided to get all her NYC (”sober”) partying out of her system beforehand. On her to-do list: DJ AM, recently split from Mandy Moore, and Jude Law, the on-again-off-again boyfriend of Sienna Miller. Lindsay partied with the two of them until the wee hours of the morning this weekend. Her mom Dina was at her side throughout, probably because she knows her daughter can score the best blow in town.

Uh-oh. Looks like Nicole Richie’s going to jail for this latest DUI. And just when Joel Madden was getting laid for the first time in three years… [TMZ]

Britney’s new boyfriend can’t get into Hyde. Also, if you’d like to dress up as a douchebag next Halloween, you can pretty much just use the outfit he wore to The Ivy this week. Everyone will totally be like “Oh, I get it. You’re a douchebag.” [Celebitchy]

Katharine McPhee in OK magazine. I don’t know why I love her so much, but I do. [Pop on the Pop]

Jude Law plans to take his children to a South African orphanage for Christmas, to demonstrate that it is better to have a daddy who leaves your mother for a 22-year-old who he then cheats on with the nanny than it is to have no daddy at all. [Junkiness]

It is possible that Paris Hilton does cocaine. And by “possible” I of course mean “more of a sure thing than Tara Reid on St. Patrick’s Day.” [Celebrity Smack]

Finally! Someone moves away from character assassination and just plain attempts to assassinate Janice Dickinson. My money’s on a former Top Model contestant. [Hollyscoop]