Hey, you guys, you know what’s amazing?

The Butterfinger pies they have at Burger King now. I’m not even getting paid to say this, I swear. They’re just really, really freaking good. I find myself driving to Burger King, like, every day to get one. Like I went to get a spray tan today and ended up at Burger King instead. The car just goes there now. I tried one on a fluke, and it was the best decision I’ve ever made. It’s like a little slice of heaven in a cardboard box. They’re better than sex, I swear, and they seem to return my calls with about the same reliability.

Anyway.

The Mirror has some dumb “quote” from Rihanna about Josh Hartnett.

“I’ve fallen for him big time. He is so hot and he is really sweet to me. When we hang out it feels right - even though it’s still pretty new.”

Look, I totally agree that these two have fucked, but she didn’t say this. Firstly, because nobody says that. Honestly. Say those words aloud, and think to yourself “Would I ever say that? Would anyone I know ever say that?” and you’ll realize the answer is no. Secondly, because Josh has gone to great lengths to deny a romance, and, if she really had feelings for him, she wouldn’t fuck him over by going all public with it. She didn’t say this. But it’s a slow news day, so it’s getting reported here.

I’m going to eat my Butterfinger pie now and hope the day gets better.

I guess Rihanna’s supposed thing with Shia LeBooeuiiyf fizzled and died.

She was spotted making out with Josh Hartnett at Pink Elephant in NYC.

They “didn’t come together, but left together,” says a spy.

The hyper-attractive couple were spotted at the Delancey in NYC. Josh was feeding fruit to Penelope as they were making out. Ugh. Get a room, people.

The pair was also spotted at Alias Restaurant (please tell me Jen Garner’s the head chef) on Sunday.

Sharon Stone and Christian Slater are dating. This is a recipe for … well … lots of really good cocaine. [CelebSlam]

Tara Reid can still get modeling jobs. [Rappy's]

Josh and Scarlett have come to terms with the fact that they are the sexiest people under 30 on the face of this planet, and they simply have no choice but to date each other. [The Blemish]

Joan Rivers, now officially senile, thinks this country considers Jessica Simpson an intellectual. [Agent Bedhead]

Yes, of course Halle Berry’s releasing an album. What did you expect her to do at this stage of her career? Act? [Pop on the Pop]

Evangeline Lilly’s Hawaii home burns down. This is where I write a joke that demonstrates some background knowledge of Evangeline Lilly or that show she’s on. I have no such knowledge. [Bricks and Stones]

Check out the first track from Whitney Houston’s comeback album. [Bossip]

Things that happened today without any involvement on the part of Britney Spears’ vagina:

American Idol fourth-placer Chris Daughtrey’s album debuts at #2 on the U.S. charts. [Perez Hilton]

Check out Beyonce’s new video for “Listen,” from the Dreamgirls soundtrack. [popbytes]

Kevin Federline has a thing for women who like the whole world to see their naughty bits. Isn’t that right, Kendra Jade? [Pop on the Pop]

Josh Hartnett’s mystery girl revealed: she’s Amber Sainsbury, who did some show called Hex for 11 episodes in 2004 and is currently co-starring with Hartnett in 30 Days of Night. Also: she’s not as pretty as Josh, which is how I reckon he prefers it. [BWE]

Nick Lachey bought a minor-league baseball team this week. What did you do? [ICYDK]

Matt Lauer named his newborn son Thijs. Pronounced “Tice.” I am supposed to say something mean here (preferably referencing the unfortunately named Paltrow offspring) but I have a fabulous friend at school named Tejs (pronounced similarly), so out of respect for the fact that he did my finance homework all quarter, I just have this to say: Way to name a kid, Lauer! [Cele|Bitchy]

Scarlett Johansson is currently in England filming The Other Boleyn Girl, but perhaps her thoughts should be focused on The Other Hartnett Girl. Scarlett’s boyfriend, Josh Hartnett, was recently spotted in Sydney having a seemingly romantic weekend with a woman who is definitely not Scarlett. When Josh and his girl were spotted at an airport, the actor told photogs to “get fucked.”

Rumors of trouble in the ScoJo/Hartnett paradise have been circulating for awhile. Scarlett is said to be unhappy with the fact that Josh is always away filming, and I think Josh is having some trouble coping with the fact that every man on the planet jacks off to his girlfriend. Remember, before Scarlett, Josh dated his high-school sweetheart, Ellen Fenster, until early 2004, way after he was already famous. So is it really a big surprise that he’s back to messing around with a no-name?