Jordin Sparks took in a Lakers game last night with her boyfriend, “singer” Steph Jones. I took twenty seconds out of my day to listen to some of his stuff on his MySpace page, and, IMHO, it’s totally unexceptional and amateurish. There’s a reason I hadn’t heard about him before now.

Jordin famously took Russell Brand to task at the VMAs last year for poking fun at the Jonas Brothers when they talked about promise rings. “It’s not bad to wear a promise ring,” she said on stage, “because not everybody — guy or girl — wants to be a slut.” I found that statement exceptionally annoying, and I resent the implication that the decision to have pre-marital sex makes one a “slut.” (I don’t like the term “slut” in general, but that’s neither here nor there.) Anyway. I’m wondering if Jordin’s letting this dude pork her, or if she sits at home polishing her promise ring while he jacks off in the bathroom.

I spent Sunday sledding on a freeway exit and searching for a cell phone in two feet of snow with a metal detector, but Jordin Sparks? Arrived in Perth, Australia, where the sun shines as brightly as her virginity.

Personally, I’d rather be covered in snow and, on occasion, semen.

I’m still a little bitter with her for announcing at the VMAs that anyone who doesn’t wear a promise ring is a slut, but, still. Jordin Sparks actually was looking quite good at this Avon charity event in NYC. It’s amazing what a team of stylists can do, isn’t it?

The American Idol winner shows some love for the African nation on Fuse’s The Sauce.

Who wants to bet this chick can’t find Ghana on a map?

I know I couldn’t. Well, maybe on Google Maps. Are there any other kind of maps these days?

Jordin Sparks celebrated the release of her debut album by riding in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade.

Awww, she’s so cute.

It’s like she asking — politely — to be corrupted. Step up to the plate, Hollywood!

Nope, the 17-year-old American Idol winner has vowed to remain a virgin until marriage.

“Temptation is always there,” the American Idol champ told Usmagazine.com at KIIS-FM’s Homecoming Concert in Anaheim, California, October 27. “It’s hard everyday, but I made a promise to myself.”

Since she was 13, the singer has worn a platinum “promise ring” — bearing the inscription “True Love Waits” — that her parents gave her, and she plans to keep it on.

“I wasn’t ever forced into [wearing the ring],” she said. “It’s all about making the right choice and not putting yourself in that situation.”

You know, when I was 17, I thought I was going to stay a virgin until marriage, too, but sometimes you just meet someone and you fall in love and you’re both college graduates and very mature and …

Oh, who the fuck am I kidding? By the time I was 17 my virginity was a distant memory. “True Love Waits … For Him to Get Back from the 7-11 with the Condoms.” That’s my motto.

Good luck with this, JSparks.

If you hadn’t noticed, it’s a really slow news day.

So I’ve been jamming out to the catchy new Jordin Sparks single, Tattoo, and absolutely loving it, so I decided to check YouTube to see if she’d done a video for it.

She hasn’t, but everyone else on the planet has. Some are better than others. So I’ve created this fine selection of different renditions of “Tattoo” for you all to enjoy.

Also, I can’t figure out how to make all the little videos appear in a horizontal line. If anyone out there is a Wordpress/YouTube guru and wants to send over a tip, I’m just an email away at evilbeet@gmail.com.

Got it! Thanks Moshu!