It’s red carpet time! Or, I guess in this case, it’s green carpet time. Young Hollywood turned out in droves for Sunday night’s Teen Choice Awards. I don’t know who won what award because I’m not a teen, and it’s not my choice. I chose to watch football. But I do enjoy seeing who wore what to the awards show.

The green carpet was shot outside, in natural light– something for which Beet always cuts celebs a little extra slack. But not me. Because its the same light that all of us have to live every day of our lives in. So when a celeb shows up on the red carpet in natural light that reveals their haggard eye bags and pancake makeup, I feel highly vindicated. Case in point: Amanda Bynes (above). I’m not sure what kinds of bottles she’s been hitting, or how often, but I’m convinced that bottles are definitely being hit.

I’m also convinced that inside Rumer Willis’ gullet is a pelican desperately struggling to swallow a fish.

Britney Spears, on the other hand, looked fabulous. I’ve never been a big fan of her fashion choices, but her dress tonight was sexy with a touch of  class.

Miley Cyrus showed up in an outfit that may have been made up of pieces from her Wal-mart line. I have nothing against Wal-mart, and definitely nothing against Miley, but I’m not so sure that was the best fashion choice for an awards show. Nothing says tacky like a darkly colored bra showing through a wife beater.

Other atendees included Robert Pattinson, looking drugged and disheveled as ever, Kristen Bell in my least favorite celeb fashion trend of the last few years (a jumpsuit), the Jonas Brothers, Fergie, Emma Roberts, Jordin Sparks, Kristen Stewart, Alexis Bledel, Ashley Tisdale, Selena Gomez, and Kat Von D.

So who had your favorite look of the evening? Worst?

I find these condescending — “Show your kids that you’ve still got it” — screechy little non-talents absolutely offensive in trying to attempt any Neil Diamond song.  That’s how I feel.  I’m not changing my mind.  Ever.

This video is NSFHC aka not suitable for human consumption.

Poor Lady Gaga’s chest exploded whilst performing at the 20th Annual MuchMusic Video Awards in Toronto, Canada.

Also there was Audrina Patridge in a cheap and ill-fitting dress, my fiance Bradley Cooper and the pure Jonas Brothers.  Oh, and I’m totally willing to support Kelly Clarkson in this whole body-acceptance thing she’s got going on, but there must be compromise.  No.  More.  Scarf.  Tops.

Rumer Willis appeared with her chin and Tila Tequila was positively stumped over the one-button operation of the Flip Mino HD camera.

Finally, in an admirable effort of frugality, Kim Kardashian fashioned her dress out of one of the extra costumes used by Fergie’s backup dancers.

The Jonas Brothers are very sad. They’ve been abandoned in their time of need.

Jonas Brothers: The 3D Experience is playing on approximately 1,200 3D and IMAX theaters where the tickets are $15-18 a pop and they still barely managed to rake in 4.8 million on opening day by industry estimates. Where execs once were hoping for a 30 million premiere weekend, they’re willing to settle for a measly 17 – 20mil.

The bros must be feeling especially low when they consider that Miley’s concert movie had a 8.7 million dollar opening day while playing on half as many screens. Bummer.

Even our tipster said Wonder was “a complete tool for agreeing to this.”

What do you guys think?

Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus are slated to sing Swift’s Fifteen at this weekend’s Grammys.  Taylor told Ryan Secrest, “We were trying to figure out different things that would be cool. We all kind of agreed, ‘Wouldn’t it be cool if Miley was up there too and we’re singing together?’ And we’re excited about it.”

Miley admitted that when she was young, you know, fifteen, she thought she knew everything.  Now that she is experiencing all the wisdom that comes with sixteen, she has just taken to offending entire cultures. Way to grow, Miley!

The Jonas Brothers are also performing Sunday night.  This could be a perfect storm for drama. I love it!

Sasha and Malia Obama had quite the night last night — after watching their father get sworn in, they watched a bunch of Disney flicks in the White House movie theater, and then went on a scavenger hunt that ended with …. drum roll, please …. the Jonas Brothers.

The visit came after Malia, Sasha, and some of their friends from their new school Sidwell Friends saw two new Disney movies — High School Musical 3 and Bolt — and participated in a scavenger hunt in which they ran around their new home, learning about this history of the White House. White House ushers had organized a similar scavenger hunt for a young Chelsea Clinton when she first moved into the White House in 1993.

At the end of Malia and Sasha’s scavenger late-night hunt, they opened a door to discover their favorite musical performers: Kevin, Joe, and Nick Jonas — the pop boy band sensation who first exploded on the Disney Channel and also appeared earlier this week at the Kids’ Inaugural Concert.

So there you have it, folks.

The forty-fourth U.S. Presidency, sponsored by Disney.

The Jonas Brothers have hired additional security to hold on to their boxer shorts.  I hear this shit and seriously don’t believe it, but reportedly, someone has been stealing the Jonas’ underwear out of their suitcases and leaving notes behind that read “Your Undies Are Safe With Us…The Undies Snatchers!” 

Are these people fucking kidding me?  Now, provided that they show up on Ebay, I have to ask:  Who the hell would want Joe Jonas’ Underoos?

America’s sweetheart turns 16 years old today.  Doesn’t it seem like she’s been turning 16 forever?  Like closing Disney so 7,000 people could celebrate her big day wasn’t enough.  They better not roll out a cake for her tonight when she performs at the American Music Awards.

Here is Miley arriving at the AMAs looking totally age appropriate. 

I’m sure Beet will have plenty of coverage on the AMAs tomorrow but here are a few of my random thoughts on the first arrivals:

Christina Aguilera, seriously, what has happened to you?  It’s like your face totally changed when you got pregnant and it never returned to its original state.  I realize part of it is just a normal maturing but something looks…off. 

As off as seeing Pink as she appears tonight.  She gets a lot of criticism so I give her credit for wearing such a feminine.  I think she’s damned if she does or doesn’t; I just never imagined I’d feel so uncomfortable actually witnessing her in an evening gown and nose ring.

I had to look up who the hell Shailene Woodley was.  I guess she stars on some show called The Secret Life of an American Teenager.  You’ll know her better as the chick wearing flower pots on her feet.

Toccara has been looking good.  And by good I mean like a drag queen.

I’m unnaturally distracted by Dancing With The Starsjudge Carrie Ann Inaba.  Is she missing a set of eyelashes on one eye? 

And finally, Ashley Tisdale.  You’re cute, you’re wealthy.  You haven’t been romantically linked to any Jonas brother.  Cheer up…life is good! 

More stuff that’s just too good to be true: Variety reports that The Jonas Brothers have signed on to make their big-screen debut in the film adaptation of the Walter the Farting Dog books. While it’s not official, it’s looking like the Farrelly brothers will direct.

The title character in the “Walter” books is a fat dog with severe flatulence. The brothers play musicians whose parents are asked to care for the dog by an aunt just before she passes away.

“By the time they’ve driven the dog home, everybody’s head is out the window of the family station wagon but Frankie, and only because he has a serious sinus problem and doesn’t notice the stench coming from Walter,” said Peter Farrelly.

While his brothers play music, Frankie and the gaseous hound get involved in a plot that involves liberating a koi fish and thwarting jewel thieves.

DUDE.

My dog needs to star in this movie. Or at least provide the smells. He is the farting-est puppy on the planet. Honestly he weighs seven pounds, but sometimes I have to evacuate entire rooms for hours after he infects them. The first time I ever heard of this book is when I was Googling for “Why does my dog fart so much?” Not a joke. It’s true.