Ahhh, I remember last year’s Memorial Day fondly. I had just gotten addicted to Jon & Kate Plus Eight, and I was beyond delighted to find that there was a Memorial Day weekend marathon. I had just moved to Seattle, so I didn’t have a lot of friends here, and I didn’t have anything better to do that weekend but watch every single episode. I remember thinking to myself, “Man, that poor Kate. She has no idea how doomed her marriage is.” As an outsider, it was painfully obvious: This relationship wasn’t going to last, and the harder Kate clung to it, the sadder it was to watch.

The following week the show aired its episode about J&K’s Memorial Day — they’d taken the kids to church, then to a picnic, and then out for ice cream. Kate gave her typical spiel about wanting to create traditions and memories for her children, how they hoped to make this an annual Memorial Day tradition for her kids. Oh, that Kate, always planning. You know what they say, right? If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. What a difference a year makes.

This Memorial Day, J&K+8 airs its much-hyped Season 5 premiere. TLC didn’t send out screeners for the hour-long premiere, because it would have taken all of five minutes for them to leak online. Plus, it’s not like they need any additional help from the media in generating hype for this premiere. I’ll bet the marathon this weekend has seen record numbers already, and the premiere tonight will likely set some new record for cable TV viewership. Everyone will be tuning in to rubberneck as Jon & Kate’s marriage dissolves, leaving eight small children in its wake. Hopefully TLC delivers with a super-juicy episode!!!

If Jon, Kate, and TLC want to keep this money train rolling, they’re going to have to find a way to cull a few more seasons out of the debacle they call family life. Reports are surfacing that the two may be seeking marriage counseling in a desperate attempt to salvage their relationship, and that TLC might film the counseling sessions and use the footage in a new season of Jon and Kate Plus 8.

“The big question is whether they’ll allow cameras into their therapy sessions. TLC would want to film at least portions of the sessions, but obviously Jon and Kate would have to agree.”
Both Jon and Kate have denied having affairs, and family members have been urging them to seek professional help.

“But Kate didn’t want any kind of marriage counseling,” her brother Kevin Kreider told The ENQUIRER.

A source close to the couple added: “Jon was all for counseling, but Kate thought their marriage might be too far gone. She would do it for the sake of the children, if nothing else.”

But camera-loving Kate is also determined to wring two more seasons out of Jon & Kate, sources say.

“Kate wants a future in showbiz, and airing their counseling sessions will shoot the show’s ratings through the roof,” added the insider.

Now, let me mitigate these reports by pointing out that they’re coming from The Enquirer. But it seems plausible to me, especially given that all the other sensational rumors surrounding the Gosselins seem to have turned out to be true. This one is mundane and believable by comparison, although I question how you could have a legitimate counseling session while you’re trying to project an image of perfect family life with cameras recording your every word.

Don’t forget to take some time out from the John and Kate Plus 8 marathon TLC has been airing all weekend to char some meat and veggies over a combustible heat source and spend some quality time with you own family. The season premiere airs tomorrow night at 9/8 central and I am inexplicably looking forward to it.

I think Kate Gosselin’s next book needs to be called Separate Couches. Because that’s the thing that stands out most in this teaser for their season premiere. No matter how badly Kate and Jon hated each other before, they always did their interviews sitting together on a couch, even though their body language indicated that they wanted to be far, far away from one another.

For the season premiere, they’re totes being interviewed separately. They won’t even sit on a couch next to each other! Ouch!

“The world isn’t about ratings and TV. It’s about happiness and love and companionship and God,” Jon tells the camera. “And, you know, I think we all get caught up in everything. Too much of anything is bad. Because I love my kids, I love my family and that’s what it is … Kate and I obviously have been going through a lot of stuff and discussing what’s best for our kids. What we said in the beginning — it’s a crazy life, but it’s our life — that’s so true.”

I hope VH1 is already talking to Jon about doing Jon Minus Nine. I’m thinking some manner of Rock of Love-style dating show. Except instead of knowing all the lyrics to “Every Rose Has Its Thorn,” the girls will have to name and spell all his children. I, for one, will be tuning in, if not competing.

At least they can be civil for the kids. They haven’t been seen together in two weeks, but Jon and Kate Gosselin were in the same place on Sunday, to celebrate the fifth birthdays of Alexis, Hannah, Aaden, Collin, Leah and Joel. As Us Weekly bitchily notes, “The celebration was a week late: Kate spent the afternoon of the sextuplets’ actual birthday — Mother’s Day — at a tanning salon instead of with her kids.” (How does one spend an entire day at a tanning salon? Shut up, Us Weekly.)

J&K barely spoke a word to each other, although Jon chatted with Steve Neild, Kate’s bodyguard who she’s rumored to be sleeping with. The camera crew was, of course, on hand.

I can’t believe the sextuplets are already five years old! They’ve been famous since they were born! I sure hope Kate’s saving some of this TLC money for their therapy sessions later in life, and not spending it all on tanning.

Wow, this is a very personal interview. You’ll recall that in the early seasons of Jon & Kate Plus 8, Aunt Jodi and Uncle Kevin were a big part of the family’s life. Then they suddenly disappeared, and rumors swirled — confirmed by Jodi’s sister — that the production company had tried to pay Jodi for all her time on the show, and Kate freaked out and kicked the couple out of their lives.

Now Kevin and Jodi are speaking out! They’re confirming that Jon & Kate really do fight constantly, that they believe the rumors than Kate is cheating too, and they’re siding with Jon — even though Kevin is Kate’s blood relative! WOW!!!

They say that Jon & Kate fought so much that the production crew would struggle to find 15 minutes of usable footage after eight hours of filming, and that some of the crew actually had moral issues with the fact that they were promoting this horrible couple as the perfect family. WOW! WOW! WOW!!!!

The marriage of Jon and Kate Gosselin is “over”, Kate’s brother Kevin Krieder and his wife Jodi say in an explosive new video interview, only on RadarOnline.com.

On the stunning video, Kevin Krieder, 32, says “Six months ago Kate came to Jon and said, ‘Hey, it’s over.’”

As RadarOnline.com recently reported, Jon has been having an extramarital affair with a third grade school teacher, Deanna Hummell. Kate is rumored to be cheating with her bodyguard Steve Neild.

Both Jon and Kate have denied having affairs. Kate’s bodyguard and Deanna Hummell have also denied the affairs.

Kevin’s wife Jodi says everyone ignored the problems in the marriage to keep the show’s ratings high. She says: “The show is not reality, and has not been for a long time. This is a train wreck.”

Kevin adds: “Their family is in shambles.”

Jodi and Kevin gave their only print interview to Star magazine, and in a cover story this week, they say the marriage is now governed by a secret contract. They reveal details of that contract in Star’s interview.

Kevin says both Jon and Kate need to give up the fame and fortune in order to save their marriage while Jodi says a divorce would affect the children terribly.

In the Star magazine interview, she explains how she believes Kate is exploiting the kids and how badly it’s affecting them.

Kreider says his sister Kate wants to be a talk show host, and she really is starting to believe her own press.”

You can watch the actual video of the interview here. This is the most on-the-record scoop anyone’s gotten about this upcoming divorce.

When is Kate going to finally fess up to the truth?

Star is getting in on all the Gosselin drama, making the couple their cover story this week.  Instead of random postulating, Kate’s brother and sister-in-law, Kevin and Jodi Kreider share their perspective.  And it ain’t good.

According to Kevin, and now we know where that not-so-outlandish People story came from, Jon shared with him his suspicions that Kate “Stop Breathing So Loudly” Gosselin was having an affair with their bodyguard Steve Neild.  I don’t really see the problem since Kate’s brother also maintains that the Gosselins have a contract written up that permits Jon to have girlfriends on the side as long as he continues to stay on the show.

Keider also confirms that when TLC suggested they be paid for their time on Jon & Kate Plus 8, Kate flipped out and ended their relationship.  She is now estranged from all her siblings and her parents.

But the most shocking accusation brought to light?  Kate’s controlling.  Stay tuned for next week’s article titled “Bombshell!  Kate Gosselin Likes To Clean!”

I would like to start off by saying that Kate Gosselin’s new epithet is most definitely Kate “Stop Breathing So Loudly” Gosselin. (Thanks Wendie! I couldn’t stop laughing at that one.) Secondly, the LA Times has an interesting story today about how the Jon & Kate producers are scrambling to incorporate Jon’s cheating ways into the storyline for the show — which has its season premiere scheduled in two weeks.

I didn’t realize this, but the LA Times says that Us Weekly — which broke the Jon cheating scandal — has seen its sales skyrocket as a result of their J&K coverage. My guess is that a lot of people who don’t normally read gossip mags are avid followers of J&K. (In fact, this website is proof of that — we have a whole nest of commenters who only comment on J&K stories.)

The last J&K season finale drew 4.6 million viewers, a HUGE number for a cable show. Lord only knows how many people will tune in now to watch the fallout. Honestly I don’t know how Kate is going to be able to sit on that couch next to Jon and do an interview without stabbing him repeatedly in the eye. The producer is gonna be all like, “So, Kate, tell us about Aaden’s appointment at the ear doctor” and she’s gonna be all like “JON! STOP BREATHING SO LOUD! YOUR HAIR PLUGS LOOK AWFUL! YOUR FACE IS TOO RED! WHY ARE YOU SO FAT?”

Sigh.

I am SO excited.