Us Weekly has published pictures of Jon Gosselin, taken back in March, with that platonic, test-driving “friend”, babe Deanna Hummel. 

I think we’ve basically determined that Beet was totally on the money when she reported that Jon and Kate had been living apart for months, because you don’t go snowboarding in Park City, Utah with some random female pal when you have a wife at home.  In summary, Jon Gosselin is a big liar.

A witness who was there, tells it like this:  “…they were curled up in one of the booth seats and very cuddly.  Nobody was put off or surprised by it at all.  [Jon] just looked different. He was so smashed, his eyes were barely open.  I didn’t recognize him at first.  He didn’t look like himself. I said, ‘Get together, let’s take a picture!’ But he said, ‘I can’t. No, really, I can’t. It’s contractual — I can’t have any photos.’ He kept going on about it. She was like, ‘It’s because he’s in that show.’”

I don’t know about you, but I think I’m ready for the first episode of Jon & Kate Divorce & I Really Don’t Care.

While Kate Gosselin was at a North Carolina resort with her nanny and eight kids, the brother of the chick Jon (allegedly!) slept with, figured out a new way to make some cash.

Jason Hummel, the guy who was all too willing to tell the media the tale of how he overheard his sister having sex with Jon Gosselin, wants to sell the bed, also known as “scene of the crime,” on Ebay.  After the media frenzy, Jason’s sister Deanna moved out, leaving her queen-sized bed behind.  He’s curious to see “how much some crazy fan will pay,” which really means he’s “curious to see how much he can sell out his sister for.”

The economy is tough right now and I’m starting to think we are getting –getting? – saturated on the Gosselins.  I’ll wager that bed won’t fetch more than $15,000.

The State of Pennsylvania is investigating the Gosselins after receiving a complaint that the couple are violating the state’s child labor laws.

“I can confirm that our bureau of labor law compliance is conducting an investigation as they do whenever they receive a charge,” said Christopher Manlove, a spokesman for the Pennsylvania Department of Labor and Industry.

Manlove would not say who filed the complaint, when it was filed or what the exact allegations are. “Because the case is ongoing I can’t discuss the content of the investigation,” he said.

In response to the investigation, TLC released a statement Friday saying, “TLC fully complies with all applicable laws and regulations.  Jon and Kate + 8 is no exception.  For an extended period of time, we have been engaged in cooperative discussions and supplied all requested information to the Pennsylvania Department of Labor.  We will continue to engage the appropriate officials and meet any standards or regulations that are applicable to TLC productions.”

The department is required to investigate every complaint that is filed, regardless of its apparent legitimacy.

I wonder who filed the complaint? Earlier in the week Aunti Jodi and Uncle Kevin told the Early Show that they thought the children were being “exploited” and “viewed as a commodity”.

Hmmm….

June 8th’s print edition — those still exist? — of In Touch magazine tells the story of the Jon & Kate Plus 8producers helping Jon Gosselin find an apartment close to the $1.2M manse that is camera-friendly.  Personally, I’d like to know what apartment exists anywhere that is eight-kids-friendly.  Currently, Jon has been staying in Huntington, PA near his parents which is about three hours away from his wife and kids.  The Gosselins are reportedly worth $10M.  Jon can’t afford a small house?

Anyway, hearing that the show producers are helping find some suitable housing for Jon confirms one thing:  the fat lady hasn’t sung yet.  This circus show will go on.

Listen, I’ve already got three kids, I’d hardly notice another eight.  I want all the “marketable” Gosselins to come live with me.  I promise, the only cameras they would have to tolerate is my Canon Rebel.  And, I can kind of cook.

The Gosselins’ business is everyone’s business. Kate’s brother Kevin and his wife, Jodi — who appeared on earlier seasons of the show before Kate kicked them off — showed up at CBS this morning to talk about how horrible the reality show is for the little Gosselin kiddos, and how Jon & Kate don’t care a lick for the safety of their children. (The clip of them starts at 1:25.) They feel they need to “speak out” to “protect” the kids.

Whatever. I smell bitter people looking to recapture the spotlight. These kids are just fine. Does it suck that their parents are getting divorced? Yes. Is it maybe kind of annoying to have the cameras around all the time? Yes. But are the kids fine? Are they fed and clothed and educated and hugged and safe? Yes, yes, yes. Are they waaaaay better off than a whole lot of kids in this country who have no adults who care about them rather than two loving parents, a staff of nannies and an entire film crew looking out for them at all times? Yes. The kids are fine. Shut up, Kevin and Jodi.

We all know how much Aunt Jodi’s sister hates Jon & Kate (& Kate & Kate & Kate). So every now and then I take a look at one of the predictable rants on her blog, Truth Breeds Hatred. Today’s post kind of cracked me up:

Kevin and Jodi will be giving a live interview tomorrow morning on The Early Show (CBS). The segment should be airing around 7:30am EST.

I also want to acknowledge all of the emails I am receiving. I can’t respond to all of them, but I want everyone to know that I am reading them and sharing them with Jodi. I have received the most heartfelt stories and poems. I am truly touched that so many have taken the time to write, and I want you all to know that the support we are receiving is definitely a bright spot during this difficult time.

Many people have asked what they can do. My best advice right now is to stop watching! … I am disgusted that they would show such a tender moment between Jon and his daughter just to pull at the viewer’s heartstrings. That conversation should have been a private moment between a father and daughter. Each person who watched last night stole something from the children that they’ll never get back.

None of this matters but the poems.

Attention, people: WHO ARE YOU out there sending poems to Jodi’s sister? Did you write them yourself? If you did, then that’s simply the most delightful news I’ve heard all day. People are independently composing poetry about Jon & Kate. WHAT DOES IT EVEN LOOK LIKE? I was going to try to write a sample J&K poem for you guys, but then I realized that I totally wasn’t high or 13 enough. I don’t even remember how to fake being an angsty 13-year-old. Should it rhyme? Do I need to draw an anarchy symbol on my wrist before I begin? I think I will suggest that you folks write some poetry in the comments.

I also have another idea. I think Aunt Jodi’s sister should post on her blog all the poems that she received from readers. Then the state of California will vote on whether or not to incorporate said poems into their state Constitution. If they vote against it, then Mady and Cara Gosselin can’t get married, ever, to anyone. DO YOU SEE HOW THIS IS A WIN-WIN SITUATION?

Unbelievable! I knew the ratings would be high, but I had no idea just how high. The season five premiere of Jon & Kate Plus Eight, which I’ve mentally titled Jon & Kate: Separate Couches, brought in 9.8 MILLION viewers. In comparison, the Lost season finale — which aired on a network — only brought in 9.2 million viewers. In the 18 to 34 demo, the premiere had 3.1 million viewers — No. 2 to just the American Idol finale. These are astounding numbers for cable programming. Totally high, just like Jon was in most of his interviews. Ba-dum-bum-ching!

TLC is learning that drama sells better than contentment! I could have told them that! (But Mandy Moore couldn’t have.)