If the fact that the last two installments in the Pirates of the Caribbean series sucking wasn’t enough to push Johnny Depp away from the franchise, the exit of Disney head Dick Cook is. Rumor has it that Depp is so perturbed by Cook’s departure that he no longer wants to play Capt. Jack Sparrow and despite the negative response from fans on the idea of moving on without him, Disney is now looking around for a replacement.

While the studio is willing to offer Depp any amount of money to stay on, the actor isn’t exactly known for being flexible when it comes to his morals, so other possibilities for the part of the pirate that Depp made famous must be considered. Suggestions being thrown around on MTV.com include James Franco (swoon), Ryan Gossling and Rob Pattinson, however I’m not so sure that any of these actors have the chops to fill Depp’s shoes. Personally, I think it would be foolish to attempt a replacement at this point, but I’m no studio exec.

Who do you deem worthy of taking over Depp’s role, if anyone?

“My dream role would be to play music legend Carol Channing in a biopic of her life.  I love her, I really do. She’s amazing.”

Johnny Depp in a Mirror U.K. interview, discussing his dream role.  I’d also like to take this opportunity to make a quick and silent prayer that this never happens.

The movie isn’t scheduled for release until March of 2010, but the first stills released of Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland look absolutely amazing.  I’m convinced that Burton must be slightly insane in that way that geniuses usually are.

Johnny Depp plays The Mad Hatter, Helena Bonham Carter is Queen of Hearts and the Snow Queen role is played by Anne Hathaway.  No picture has been released of Alice yet, but Australian actress Mia Wasikowska (best known for her role on HBO’s In Treatment) stars in the film.

If you click on this link to USA Today, it will take you to a really cool interactive site where you can scroll around a couple of the movie scenes.

I criticized Vanity Fair, my former favorite magazine, for being so light these days.  The articles have become atrociously boring, but I’m willing to forgive and forget all of it because Johnny Depp is on the cover of July’s issue.  The people over at VF have redeemed themselves!

Though they don’t have the entire article on their website and that’s probably a good strategy if Conde Nast wants to sell magazines — they did send out this press release:

NEW YORK, N.Y.–Johnny Depp shows Vanity Fair contributing editor Douglas Brinkley around his 45-acre private Bahamian island, Little Hall’s Pond Cay, and tells Brinkley that the island “is my decompression. It’s my way of trying to return to normalcy…. Escapism is survival to me.”

When Brinkley asks Depp if there is any Hollywood icon he still hopes to spend time with, he says, “I already met her. Elizabeth Taylor.” Depp once attended dinner with Taylor and found her to be “the best old-school dame I’ve ever met. A regular, wonderful person. Billy Bob Thornton and Steve Martin were also there. Boy, did I take to her. For dinner she ordered liver and onions and just smothered them with salt. I admired that. She’s an astonishingly great broad.”

Little Hall’s Pond has six different beaches–named after Depp’s partner, Vanessa Paradis, and their children, Lily Rose and Jack, as well as his mentors Hunter S. Thompson and Marlon Brando–each with a personality and cove of its own, and one patch of water deemed “Heath’s Place” after the late actor Heath Ledger. There are several small residences, all solar-powered, and transportation consists of a fleet of green golf carts.

“I don’t think I’d ever seen any place so pure and beautiful,” Depp tells Brinkley of the island. “You can feel your pulse rate drop about 20 beats. It’s instant freedom. And that rare beast–simplicity–can be had. And a little morsel of anonymity…. Whenever I was getting frustrated about being ‘novelty boy’ and making movies, I told myself, Calm down. I can come down here and disappear. I spent the Christmas season here with Vanessa and the kids. You can feed hot dogs to the nurse sharks in the Exumas–but it’s best to not swim when doing it.”

Depp spent much of the last year in Chicago filming Public Enemies, and tells Brinkley that it has become his favorite American city. “Everybody [in Chicago] treated me normal. They’d say, ‘Hey, Johnny,’ then left me alone…. I visited the Art Institute and the Chicago Music Exchange. I loved looking out the car window at all those incredible neighborhoods and architecture.”

Depp laments the political correctness of modern Hollywood, telling Brinkley he pines for the old iconoclasts: “Where is our generation of Dean Martins and Frank Sinatras? And the Georgie Jessels and Walter Brennans? I want Tiny Tim and Bix Beiderbecke back.”

Of Tom Cruise’s performance as studio head Les Grossman in last summer’s Tropic Thunder, Depp says, “That’s the best I’ve ever seen Cruise.” When asked if Cruise’s portrayal reminds Depp of any Hollywood executives, he says, “All of them.”

Whenever Depp gets bored or can’t sleep, he paints. “When I can focus on something like guitar or painting, I do,” he says. “I started painting people I admire, like Kerouac, Bob Dylan, Nelson Algren, Marlon Brando, Patti Smith, my girl, my kids. I painted Hunter a couple of times. Keith Richards. What I love to do is paint people’s faces, y’know, their eyes. Because you want to find that emotion, see what’s going on behind their eyes.”

Depp talks about his two late mentors, Marlon Brando and Hunter S. Thompson, each of whom imparted his share of wisdom. He recalls a conversation he had with Brando in 1994, when he was poised to purchase Little Hall’s Pond, but instead of expressing outright enthusiasm, Brando–who once lived on the French Polynesian atoll of Tetiaroa–asked a series of pragmatic questions: “What’s the elevation? How protected are you?” Brando, according to Depp, was being sensible, focused, and paternal. “With hurricanes and all, he just didn’t want me to make a mistake.”

Depp says what he misses about Thompson “isn’t the Too Much Fun Club stuff. It was his steady advice. His radar detector was spot-on. He knew instantly if he didn’t like somebody.” Depp says the beach he named after Hunter on his island is “the most savage and exposed of all the beaches. Gonzo Beach is pure Hunter.”

Talking to Brinkley about his future on the island, Depp says: “Nobody is going to ever ruin the Land and Sea Park. It’s like a rare gem, a diamond. I look forward to my kids growing up on the island, spending months out of the year here … learning about sea life and how to protect sea life … and their kids growing up here, and so on…. Theoretically, this place can add years to your life.” Then he quotes the old adage: “Money doesn’t buy you happiness. But it buys you a big enough yacht to sail right up to it.”

Yeah, whatever Johnny.  You use your island for stress management — I can’t relate.  However, I do think I could find a way to connect with you on a non-verbal plane.  Howsabout you stop talking, put on your eye patch and show me your sword?

A word of warning to all Evil Beet Readers:  You can get an electrical shock when licking your computer monitor.  I think I read that somewhere.  Oh, shut up.  I got a shock…okay?

Johnny Depp was spotted, looking very “Valentino” (and I mean that in a derisive way) while filming on location in San Juan, Puerto Rico for his upcoming film, The Rum Diary.

Aside from the gold-rimmed glasses and “my teeth are so white cuz I got a leather face” look, I want to talk about the picture in the gallery where it looks like he’s being asked by the mother of a bed-ridden girl to “lay hands” on her. I’ve heard of fans worshipping their favorite celebrities, but never literally.

In other Depp news, the actor recently recorded a voice appearance for an episode of SpongeBob SquarePants. He plays a laid-back surfer character named Jack Kahuna Laguna in an episode scheduled to air on April 17th.

In yet other Depp news, to this day I cannot write the name “Johnny Depp” without thinking of that glittery neon hair gel I was so keen on using in the 4th grade. The bangs of 10-year-old me were a crunchy, gel-soaked, poofy work of art.

Johnny Depp voices Jack Kahuna Laguna in SpongeBob SquarePants:  SpongeBob vs. The Big One.  I’ll take Johnny Depp’s big one anyday.  Even if it entails watching SpongeBob.  And that’s saying something.  Happy Friday!

Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom arrive at Narita for the Tokyo premiere of Pirates 3, because if the U.S. has to be inflicted with this thing, Tokyo does too, dammit. Keira Knightley, once again, is nowhere to be seen. Maybe she’s flying in later. I mean, she is in this movie, isn’t she? It’s kind of bullshit that Johnny and Orlando have to schlep their asses around the globe promoting this thing and she’s, like, way too busy not eating to attend.

Sigh. The first one was so good. The second one was so, so bad. Must they really continue to desecrate the memory of the first one by churning out these crappy sequels? I guess the box office says yes. And so it is with a heavy heart that I bring you the photos from the premiere of Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End premiere at — where else? — Disneyland.

The celeb-to-camera ratio was about 1:1. Johnny Depp was there, of course. As was Orlando Bloom. Keith Richards looked fairly sane for someone who stated that he’s snorted his father’s ashes and reportedly showed up on set too drunk to film.

Kobe was there with his family. (Hey, do you think when his wife gets horny she’s ever like, “Baby, give me some Kobe beef”? Man I hope so.) Teri Hatcher showed up with her rugrat, who I think weighs more than her mother at this point. Ian Ziering made an appearance, because, you know, why the fuck not? Janice Dickinson, wearing white shorts that should never be worn after Labor Day. Or, you know, before. Chad Michael Murray with Kenzie Dalton. Cuba Gooding, Jr. Wilmer Valderrama and a small child to whom he should probably not have access. And it wouldn’t be a premiere without Chris Harrison, host of The Fucking Bachelor. Seriously, this was not a premiere, it was a goddamn cattle call.

And, really, with Chris Harrison there, why would Keira Knightley even bother to show up? Sometimes you just know you’re not going to have the spotlight. So, you know, she didn’t show up.

Jennifer Hudson needs additional media training. [Defamer]

Mario Lopez and Dancing with the Stars partner Katrina Smirnoff are doing the horizontal tango, if you know what I mean. [MollyGood]

Reese Witherspoon(’s breasts) look amazing at the Kennedy Center Honors. [Yeeeah!]

Jen and Vince’s reps join forces to put the final nail in the Vaughniston coffin: “Jennifer and Vince mutually agreed to end their relationship.” The reps admit the two broke up in October, after Jen visited Vince in London. So, you know, right around when the blogosphere said they did. [Dirty Laundry]

Paul Walker has no need for talent. Good thing, too. [Celebrity Smack]

Scarlett Johansson: “Please masturbate to me. I want you to. I need you to. Do it three, four, five times a day. Before bed, in the morning, at the office, at your children’s day care, between rounds of golf, in front of your girlfriend, at your mother’s house, in the boss’s office, in the cafeteria, onto the mashed potatoes, anywhere, everywhere, I don’t care, just as long as you’re masturbating to me.” [Agent Bedhead]

Lance Bass says that he and Reichen are still trying to work things out. He made the statement via MySpace, which is totally Hollywood’s hottest PR agency right now. [ICYDK]

Photos from Johnny Depp’s first wedding in 1983. [popbytes]

Okay, after Sir George (and really, let’s just Knight him already) here is the rest of the list from People:

2. Patrick Dempsey
3. Ashton Kutcher
4. Taye Diggs
5. Johnny Depp
6. Josh Duhamel
7. Enrique Murciano
8. Leonardo DiCaprio
9. John Krasinski
10. Jake Gyllenhaal

Both good and horrible choices here. Also EvilT, EvilB, why no chiming in on this? Must I be the only grader of manflesh?

Anyway, Ashton Kutcher at #3 is preposterous. My cat exudes more sex appeal and I don’t even own a cat. I love Johnny Depp and his disaffected hair so I salute that one; I only wish us thick hair guys could compete with our giant bushels of Afro.

Leonardo DiCaprio? Really? Well, if you like your men waiflike and flaxen like back in the days of rampant tuberculosis I guess I could see that.

The #9 choice, John Krasinski, is actually really solid. When I saw the name I didn’t know who the hell it was but it turns out he’s the guy from The Office (but not Steve Carell). I think I would date him, and he’s about to become a giant movie star as evidenced by his smaller roles in two very “buzzy” films, For Your Consideration and Dreamgirls.

Enrique Murciano is the guy from Without a Trace. It seems to be a TV show of some kind. I wouldn’t know him if he physically assaulted me and left a card that said “I’m Enrique Murciano.”

Josh Duhamel is very close to not being worth even talking about. He was decent enough in the show Las Vegas but this is more a case of People Magazine star building than calling it like it is. Plus if you knew everyone on the list you wouldn’t bother purchasing it which would make Mr. People Magazine Jr. very sad.

My final complaint is Patrick Dempsey. I haven’t met a woman yet who doesn’t swoon for him but I can’t for the life of me see it. He disappeared for like a decade! Was he being sexy when he was passing out resumes? Let’s call his sexy quotient what it is, a flash in the pan cheap kind of sexy that makes all of us feel a little dirtier. Wait, I just read that back and maybe that’s what sexy truly is.

Crap. I hate you Patrick Dempsey. Call me.

They’re filming the Black Pearl scenes right now off the coast of Palos Verdes (across from Joe’s Crab Shack for those of you who want to go a-stalkin’). A few of my more nautical cohorts went sailing out there this afternoon and sent me some photos of the crew setting up. They didn’t stick around for the actors to show, but they did get a shot of Depp’s yacht, which is where I imagine he meets up with Tim Burton for a little pitching and catching. If anyone’s got pics of filming with the actors, send ‘em to evilbeet@gmail.com, and I’ll give credit where credit is due.