John McCain heartily greets Levi Johnston (pictured with Bristol Palin) as he arrives in Minneapolis for the RNC.

What a dashing young lad!

I got this email from a reader the other day:

So Tucker Bounds is on TV talking about something, and all I can see are giant bunny ears coming out of his head. It’s a brilliant image, and I thank you for it!

She was, of course, referencing this post.

Mr. Bounds — John McCain’s campaign spokesman — is all over the television right now, as would be expected. And I don’t really care what he’s talking about in this clip, but I do think it’s funny that his tie, which I’m sure looked red in the mirror, looks pink on television. It’s Easter come early!

I just think the guy has the funniest Republican rich-kid name ever. And, look, I grew up with a lot of Republican rich kids, so I would know. I’d list some of their names here for comparison, but my website has this teensy tiny problem of having a really good Google page rank, so I’d be in a lot of trouble if they happened to Google their own names. Which most of them probably do hourly. So just trust me when I say that Tucker Bounds really has the creme de la creme of Republican rich-kid names.

Tucker Bounds for VP!

Seriously it’s like Senator McCain had one too many shots of tequila (perhaps with Bristol Palin?) and was like, “Hey, ya know what would be funny? If I made my running mate that hot governor chick from Alaska. Ya know, the one with the glasses? And the tits? Like, ‘You people want a woman in the White House? Okay, fine, but at least let’s make her a hot one.’ L. O. L. Fuck it, let’s do it. I mean, how funny would that shit be? Make it happen. NOW! And someone pour me another drink.”

And then, somewhere around noon the next day, he woke up with a raging headache, looked at the morning paper, and was like “Fuck. Shit. What happened last night?”

Up until 1996, when she ran for mayor, Sarah Palin was a member of the Alaskan Independence Party — a party which has considered Alaskan secession from the United States.

Um …

This is not good, Senator McCain.

Families may be off-limits, dear, but when the VP candidate herself belonged to a political party that wanted nothing to do with the, uh, United States of America?

Not. So. Off-limits.

Meanwhile, I certainly hope Barack Obama is using this hard-earned break from the spotlight to have sex with lots of hookers and get caught up on his cocaine usage. He could probably get away with it right now.

The McCain camp lashed out at Madonna on Sunday, after reports indicated that her Sticky & Sweet Tour compares him to Adolf Hitler.

Madonna’s apparent swipe at McCain came during a performance of the song “Get Stupid”, when the Republican contender’s image was flashed up alongside images of destruction and global warming as well as Hitler and Mugabe.

Towards the end of the song, pictures of Beatles star John Lennon, former US vice-president Al Gore, Indian Mahatma Gandhi and McCain’s Democrat rival Barack Obama appeared.

“The comparisons are outrageous, unacceptable and crudely divisive all at the same time,” said Tucker Bounds, who is both the campaign spokesperson for John McCain, and, judging by his name, hopefully also a bunny rabbit. “It clearly shows that when it comes to supporting Barack Obama, his fellow worldwide celebrities refuse to consider any smear or attack off limits.”

Hey, did you guys catch that? His “fellow worldwide celebrities?” Get it? Because John McCain’s entire campaign platform is that Barack Obama is just a guitar and a pair of fishnets away from touring the UK as an opening act for Selena Gomez. Smooth, guys. Subtle and smooth.

Oh YAY!!!!

This is TOTALLY the best part of politics.

The BITCHY ADS!!!

Love it, love it, love it.

Here an Obama ad noting that John McCain is SO OLD and SO RICH that he doesn’t even remember how many houses he owns! (The answer is seven.)

This shit is totally better than a Paris v. Nicole fight, because ads like this are really expensive and funded by some of the most powerful people in our country.

How will McCain retaliate?

BRING IT ON!

[Disclaimer: Before you get mad at me for "taking sides" in any form of voting that will not take place on a reality TV show, please read this.]

We’ve mentioned previously that the Hilton camp can’t be particularly thrilled that they donated money to the McCain campaign, only to see Barack Obama unfavorably compared to Paris in his most recent campaign ad.

Now comes confirmation from a flurry of political blogs.

I hear whispers from the inner campaign staff that the phone was burning off the hook today with calls from Paris Hilton’s grandfather, William Barron Hilton (co-chair of the Hilton Hotel empire), furious that the McCain ad drew an unflattering comparison between Obama and his own granddaughter.

It seems that the elder Hilton has donated $18,400 to the McCain campaign, and $35,000 to the National Republican Senatorial Committee in the last couple of years. (Paris’s father, Rick Hilton, has given an additional $6,900 to the McCain campaign. Suffice it to say, he’s none too pleased either.)

Apparently, the elder Hiltons had breathed a sigh of relief that Paris was starting to get her act together since hitting rock bottom with her stay in jail last year, when all of a sudden the McCain ad compares her unfavorably to Britney Spears and Barack Obama.

I suspect that heads will roll at the McCain headquarters - if not within the staff, then I wouldn’t be surprised if Steve Schmidt starts looking for a new consulting firm for the next round of ads. This is a reminder to my brethren at the Campaign: don’t bite the hand that feeds us.

Paris Hilton isn’t just a tabloid tart to be tossed around willy-nilly. She’s the living brand name of one of America’s most successful global corporations. It’s no wonder her grandfather’s upset: every time Paris is in the news, fewer people stay at their hotels. Try explaining that to The Blackstone Group - the hedge fund firm that bought into Hilton Hotels last year. Blackstone chairman Peter G. Peterson gave $30,800 to the McCain campaign this year. Guess who also called the campaign today?

Do you hear that, America? Paris Hilton may stand for being tossed around willy-nilly, as long as she’s drunk, naked and being filmed by a millionaire playboy, but under any other circumstances it is totally inappropriate.

Britney Spears, however?

You can do whatever you want to her. I mean, what are you gonna do, force Jamie Spears’ catering business into the ground? Oh, right, he already had to quit that to become a full-time parent to his 26-year-old daughter.

At least that’s what John McCain wants you to think, in this new campaign commercial comparing Barack Obama to Britney Spears and Paris Hilton.

Subtle, guys. Real subtle.

“I’m honored to have Heidi’s support and I want to assure her that I never miss an episode of ‘The Hills,’ especially since the new season started.”

John McCain, in response to this.

Okay, you know what?

Mad, mad props to McCain for this.

Well-played, Mr. Senator. Well-played, indeed.