The couple were spotted partying it up in NYC again on Thursday night, where a source says they were “nonstop, dirty-dancing machines.” Ewww. For some reason, the thought of John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston “dirty dancing” makes me cringe. Neither of them really seems like the type.

Anyway, apparently JenAn further fueled rumors that she’s preggers by refusing to drink alcohol at the club. Meh, I don’t think she’s knocked up. I think she and John are just having fun with the media.

Whatever.

Sources say that John Mayer has been tapped to host a variety show for CBS, slated to air as early as 2009.

What is with variety shows right now?

Who the hell wants to watch a variety show?

But it seems like all the networks are preparing them for the upcoming year. I don’t quite get it.

Anyway, as much as I hate John Mayer the cocky and obnoxious person, he is a really funny dude. I see what the execs were thinking with this, but I can’t believe John Mayer said yes. Isn’t that kind of like totally selling out? As much as this guy used to whine about how he doesn’t want to be in the public eye for anything but his music … apparently he’s changed his mind.

Thanks Pamela!

Could John Mayer’s facial hair look any more pubic?

Ewwwwwww I think not.

Ew I’m so grossed out by him at this event. I would not let that face anywhere near my vagina. His face-pubes probably have crabs. And I am usually not one to make the you’re-so-slutty-you-must-have-STDs jokes, but ewwwwwwwwwww. He’s so diseased-looking here. Like he’s gonna walk off the red carpet and out to the corner to find a $3 crack whore to suck him off.

Actually, he won’t have to leave the building; Ryan Starr was at the event, too.

There’s a simple reason for that: I have no love life.

But, honestly, I spend more of my day trying to puzzle out Jen’s romantic entanglements than I spend trying to figure out why I am Man Repellent. Seriously I should try to patent me and sell me to the military. They could just put me on the front lines and men would run in the opposite direction. I’m a more valuable military asset than Twitter!

What was I talking about?

Oh, yeah. Jen. After being spotted with Gerard Butler, she was once again with John Mayer at the Sunset Tower hotel.

The two left together and got into an SUV.

What is it with Jennifer and the Sunset Tower hotel these days?

They must sell some really good weed there or something.

The on-again off-again couple were spotted getting cozy in WeHo on Tuesday, sources report.

They arrived around 10 p.m. and sat indoors with three pals.

Aniston — who ordered her usual grilled chicken salad — shared a bottle of wine with the table.

Says the witness of the couple: “They looked like they had the best time. They were holding hands at one point and seemed very much back on.

“She seemed extremely happy to be back with him,” the insider tells Us. “They were close and laughing the whole time with their friends.”

I don’t know what sounds more unbearable, living on a constant diet of grilled chicken sandwiches or dating John Mayer. I’m truly stumped.

That’s what the National Enquirer wants you to think.

They just flew into Los Angeles together, landing at 4:05 Pacific Time on Monday, October, 13, The ENQUIRER has confirmed.

The pair split in August after a 3 ½-month romance, but they met up in Manhattan recently and looked like lovers when they came back to California together.

“They were very lovey-dovey,” said an insider. “They kissed several times and hugged each other tightly.

“John gave her a long, lingering kiss.”

A long, lingering kiss?

He was just probably trying to suck the pot smoke out of her lungs. There’s enough in there to get a decent buzz, I’ve heard.

After all the rumors about how he’d cheated on Jennifer Aniston left and right, I guess John Mayer wanted to set the record straight. He chatted with reporters after a workout this weekend, saying that “there’s no lying, there’s no cheating, there’s no nothing … Jennifer Aniston is the smartest, most sophisticated person I think I have ever met.”

He went on to say that “People are different, people have different chemistry. I ended a relationship to be alone, because I don’t want to waste somebody’s time if something’s not right.”

Eh, we all know that’s bullshit. He and Jen broke up because Jessica Simpson sent one too many death threats.

So far, no comment from Jen’s camp.

Dude, so how long did it take for this “serious relationship” to fall to pieces? A month? Two?

Sources are reporting that John dumped Jen.

“There’s been a bit of tension for some time,” says a source close to 30-year-old John. “They initially opted for a break, hoping a trial split might make them stronger. Sadly it doesn’t seem to have worked. John took the decision to end things as he felt he just wasn’t ready for the level of commitment that Jennifer deserved.”

Word is that Jen’s already got a new man — some sort of male model. Sigh. Isn’t she bored of the male models yet?