Taylor Swift hosted Saturday Night Live last night and opened the show by doing a little ditty about some things we were all hoping for her to comment on, namely Kanye West crashing her VMA speech, her terrible break up with Joe Jonas and her relationship with Taylor Lautner.

Taylor more or less confirmed that she’s dating Lautner, went pretty easy on Kanye and really slapped Joe Jonas across the face. Despite her obvious nerves, she got through the song and was a hit with the live audience. I’m sure her fans watching at home went crazy.

The 19-year-old Joe Jonas and his actress girlfriend Camilla Belle have split, a fact that was confirmed by her rep.  ”Yes, it’s true.  [Joe and Camilla] have broken up. There is no third party involved and they care deeply about each other and will remain friends.”

For Joe’s part, he made a public statement of his own at a concert Sunday night in Detroit.  He changed a line of song lyrics from “Get a rep for breakin’ hearts, now I’m done with superstars” to “Get a rep for breakin’ hearts, now I’m done with movie stars.”  

Oh, the teenage angst of it all.

It doesn’t matter, though.  Seeing virginal Joe Jonas in a unitard has made me feel the most alert I’ve been all day, though he may want to hook up with Britney to get some lip-synching lessons.

They’ve been rather secretive about their romance, but Joe Jonas and Camilla Belle looked very much the couple as they took in an LA Dodgers game on Monday. The whole Jonas clan attended — including Frankie, the one who’s not in the band. I’d actually never even heard about him until now. I’m gonna go ahead and be pleased with myself about that.

The woman in the blue dress is Dodgers CEO Jamie McCourt. When I went to business school in LA, in my past lifetime, I had the opportunity to take a course Jamie taught on women in leadership. Although she gave me a B — not cool, Jamie — it was one of the most useful courses I took during the entire degree program. I totally use way more of what Jamie taught me than anything I learned in investment finance or accounting (which is probably a good thing, given the economy right now — sorry to all my classmates who became I-bankers!). She’s a total inspiration who manages to be a well-respected professional in a male-dominated industry while maintaining a healthy, loving marriage and raising children who adore her. I wanna be her when I grow up.

I know that Miley and Nick Jonas dated, but really, she has so much more in common with Joe-except that whole purity ruse which Joe actually seems to participate in.

A couple of months ago, Miley was slammed when a picture surfaced of her in which she appeared to be mocking Asians.  Now, this lovely snapshot has hit the internet showing Joe Jonas in a similar situation.  These two Asian-taunting, manufactured by Disney twits are, like, soul mates.

Expect a non-apology to be released by the Jonas camp shortly.

My darling, precious Taylor Swift has been shooting her mouth off about what an asswipe Joe Jonas was in their relationship, ending it with a 27-second phone call before taking up with the chick from his music video.

Well, Joe is finally ready to talk back. In a not-at-all-veiled post on his MySpace blog, Joe says the following:

Several things I will state with all my heart…

I never cheated on a girlfriend. It might make someone feel better to assume or imply I have been unfaithful but it is simply not true. Maybe there were reasons for a breakup. Maybe the heart moved on. Perhaps feelings changed. I am truly saddened that anything would potentially cause you to think less of me.

For those who have expressed concern over the “27 second” phone call. I called to discuss feelings with the other person. Those feelings were obviously not well received. I did not end the conversation. Someone else did. Phone calls can only last as long as the person on the other end of the line is willing to talk. A phone call can be pretty short when someone else ends the call. The only difference in this conversation was that I shared something the other person did not want to hear.

There were later attempts at communication that had no response.

I wish the best for the other person but could not sit back any longer and leave our fans with a wrong impression of the truth.

Whatever, stupid JoBro. You were a dumbass to leave the gorgeous and uber-talented Taylor for that stupid chick with the weird eyebrows.

TEAM TAYLOR, MOTHERFUCKERS!!!

A source tells People magazine that the 19-year-old JoBro hot commodity, after unceremoniously dumping Taylor Swift via a brief phone call, has taken up with 10,000 BC actress Camilla Belle, whom he met on the set of his music video for “Lovebug.” Camilla is 22.

“They met on the set of his music video,” says the source. “All the guys always had thought she was really pretty and that’s why they asked her to be in it … It was only after doing the video that they began to date.”

What does Joe see in this girl?

“She’s a really good girl and it seems they share a lot of the same characteristics and morals,” says the source.

Well, God knows it wasn’t about her eyebrows. Those things are practically immoral.

There’s a bunch of pics of Camilla in the thumbnails, all taken in the past six months. I don’t really think she’s anything that special. In fact, wanna know what I think she looks like? The long-lost Jonas Sister. Seriously. She matches them.

Is this the hot new up-and-coming couple?

Evil Beet sources report that Joe Jonas (of the Jonas Brothers) is now dating Taylor Swift. She joined the guys on tour in Dallas last night and will be hitting up Anaheim with them as well.

Why do you care?

I’ll tell you.

First of all, because, aside from Taylor Momsen, Taylor Swift is definitely my #1 underage girl-crush. So that should be reason enough. But I really want Taylor to be a huge star and a relationship with Joe Jonas could help increase her star status in the mainstream tabs, which would thrill me. Oh, and they both purport to be “virgins.”

But, most importantly, Joe Jonas is Miley Cyrus’s ex-boyfriend!

Drama????

Oh, I hope so!

Remember when Lindsay Lohan and Hilary Duff went head-to-head over Aaron Carter? (Who?) I want this to be like that all over again!!!!

NEW BLOOD!!!!

Update: Oops! Miley dated Nick Jonas, not Joe. Eh, I still want them to fight.