Oh, happy happy day!

Joey Boy Francis was arrested today after showing up five hours late for a U.S. court hearing.

What a moron!

The Girls Gone Wild founder was arrested Monday for showing up five hours late to a court hearing on his lawyer’s motion to step down as Francis’ counsel.

A bench warrant was issued this morning after Francis failed to show and he could not be reached by telephone 30 minutes after the hearing’s scheduled 8:30 a.m. start.

He ultimately showed up at 1:30, with lawyer Melissa A. Weinberger telling the court her client was suffering from the flu.

“He’s been as sick as can be,” she said outside the courtroom, adding that she would try to secure his release as soon as he was processed by federal marshals.

As for the MO behind the court date: Defense attorney Robert E. Barnes, who has been representing Francis on federal income tax evasion charges, filed court papers last week stating that his firm was through with the flesh-peddling entrepreneur due to “strategic differences of opinion.”

ZOMG!

Even his shady-ass defense attorney wants nothing to do with him anymore!

What a fuck up! This dude is so disgusting. Look at the ridiculously fake smile he has in ALL his photos. It’s like he has to force himself to display something comparable to actual human emotion. Like he has to think about how to smile.

I’m sure he’ll be out of jail in no time, but even if he just has to spend the night I’ll be a happy kiddo.

I thought today would be a sad day, what with the Cardinals losing last night and everything.

But it’s actually a happy day!

There’s a bench warrant out for Joe Francis’s arrest! Oh, happy, happy day!

He failed to show up for a court date for his tax evasion trial. And this is a federal trial and a U.S. judge issued the bench warrant.

This is some serious shit! Why would Joey Boy miss his court date?

PUT HIM IN JAIL FOREVER!!!

Here’s Joe “Dead Eyes” Francis announcing that he’s suing the people who kept him in a Florida jail to the tune of $300M.

“I recently experienced an unbelievable miscarriage of justice that made a victim not just of me, but of all Americans who cherish their constitutional right to free expression … If this can happen to me, it can happen to you.”

This dude is so, so creepy. It’s like, if you’re one of those people struggling to grow spiritually, and you feel like you can’t quite grasp exactly what a soul is, watch Joe Francis in this video. And when you ask yourself, “What is it that seems to be missing with this guy?” just know that the answer is “a soul.”

Will Joe Francis’s legal troubles ever end?

Man, I sure hope not.

Today, Joe pleaded not guilty to two felony tax-evasion charges in federal court in Los Angeles. He is accused of unlawfully deducting more than $20 million in bogus business expenses on his 2002 and 2003 corporate tax returns.

If convicted, Francis faces a possible sentence of 10 years in federal prison and $500,000 in fines.

I don’t care about the fines!

Put Joe in jail and throw away the key!

Here’s Joe “Rapist” Francis and some hooker named Ann Marie Doroba enjoying a lovely afternoon at a polo match in Bridgehampton.

Anyone know who this Ann chick is?

Who in their right mind would pose with Joe Francis like that? I mean, I might make small talk with him for a little while to score some of what I’m sure is his super-awesome blow, but the second I saw a photographer coming I’d run for the hills. I don’t care how badly you want to be a Z-list celebrity, Joe Francis-related famewhoring is just unconscionable.

And this time it doesn’t even have anything to do with filming naked underage girls!

We’re making progress!

Joey Boy Francis was sued by the Wynn Hotel in Las Vegas for unpaid gambling debts.

TWO MILLION DOLLARS of unpaid gambling debts.

“As far as Mr. Francis is concerned, his obligations to the Wynn hotel have been fully lived up to per prior agreements,” said his spokesperson.

Uh … what the HELL does that mean? “Prior arrangements”???? I wanna know what Joe Francis and Steve Wynn were getting up to in that penthouse suite. Something tells me there were underage girls involved.

Okay.

So. You guys know I don’t like Joe Francis. That much should be clear by now. And I’m thrilled that there is yet another lawsuit pending against him. It was filed last week and, in it, four new women claim that they were 17, 16, 15 and 13 when his company solicited them to participate in sexually provocative videos in 2003 and earlier. They want money from Joey.

But follow me closely here:

The girls are represented by a lawyer named Ross McCloy. Ross McCloy was once the law partner of a man named Richard Smoak, who is now a judge in Florida, and who presided over the earlier, separate Florida trial where women claimed Francis tried to film them underage. In that case, the women were also represented by McCloy. It was also the case where the judge (Smoak) actually jailed Joe Francis for making threats during a deposition.

Do you follow so far? If not, read it again. It’s going to get more complicated.

It turns out that Joe’s company, Girls Gone Wild, once met with a consulting firm about working to get Judge Smoak impeached and removed from office. Lord only knows why.

So basically, Joe’s like, “Dude, this guy can’t preside over my trial, he’s totally biased, for a thousand reasons, but most applicably because the defendants are represented by his former law partner.” Except Joe said it like this: “This is America and we are not going to let that happen again. We are not going to let them put me in jail for a civil suit.”

Anyway.

I hate Joe Francis. So, so much. And I’m going to say this once, and probably only once: He’s right about this one. This is bullshit, and the judge should recuse himself.