Mel Gibson has signed on to accept the leading role in Jodie Foster’s latest directorial effort (she’ll also play the wife of Mel’s character), The Beaver.  The movie centers on Mel’s character, a depressed man, and how he finds levity by wearing a beaver puppet named Sugar Tits.  Okay, I’m lying about the Sugar Tits part, but the rest is the truth. 

Do you feel like you’re being Punk’d right now?  Because you aren’t.  Are you checking your calendar to see if it’s April 1st?  It isn’t.  This is an honest to goodness true news item.  And I didn’t even read about it in Star.  I read about it in Variety … a respected industry trade mag.  Frighteningly enough, that means this movie is probably happening as soon as they secure financing.  And I’d like the investor who decides to throw their $18M at this project to reveal themselves.  I wouldn’t throw my $10.50 at a movie ticket to see this thing. 

As an aside, to all my fellow Golden Girlsfans:  Do you remember the GG episode when Stan was in therapy, trying to get over the end of his marriage to Dorothy?  To help alleviate his depression, his therapist makes him go everywhere with a traffic cone dressed up like a monkey.  That episode is called “The Monkey Show.”  Skip this movie and rent that off Netflix instead.

Jodie Foster spends Easter weekend frolicking with her two sons in Maui.

The boys’ names are Charles Bernard Foster and Kit Bernard Foster. The Bernard is a tribute to Jodie’s longtime girlfriend, Cydney Bernard. Jodie has never commented on who the children’s father is.

Remember this blind item from earlier in the week?

WHICH big Hollywood actress is about to come out of the closet? She’s been living with her girlfriend in a small town, where all the neighbors know, and the two are now engaged to be married.

Well, Jodie thanked her girlfriend, Cydney, when she received the Sherry Lansing Leadership Award at the 16th annual Women in Entertainment Breakfast on Tuesday.

At the end of her remarks, she thanked “my beautiful Cydney who sticks with me through all the rotten and the bliss.”

Now, granted, she didn’t exactly thank “my beautiful Cydney, who eats out my pussy and sucks on my tits and sticks with me through all the rotten and the bliss,” but still. She never mentions Cydney in public. Will there be an “I’m Gay!” People magazine cover in Jodie’s future. I think yes.

Jodie Foster attends the Hollywood Reporter Power 100 breakfast in Beverly Hills.

Who holds a red carpet event in the morning? Seriously. Was the Hollywood Reporter too cheap to spring for a location in the evening? I’m tired just looking at these pictures. Actually, I’m tired most of the time. Hence the Red Bull problem. To be honest with you kids, I just got up from a nap. Ah, the life of a blogger. I get up at 6 am to write for you east-coasters, then I take a mid-morning nap and get up again to start for the west coast. I never napped before I was a blogger. Now I make an art form of it.

Foster’s relationship with Bernard is well-known in Hollywood circles (in fact, it’s mentioned on both their IMDB pages), but Foster has clearly been perfectly happy keeping their relationship (and the rest of her personal life) out of the public eye. I mean, she’s Jodie Foster. She doesn’t exactly need paparazzi coverage to have a successful career.

Celebrity gossip bloggers have touched on the topic in the past, but, let’s be honest, Perez is the celebrity gossip blogger, and his readership has grown by more than 200% in the last six months. He now reaches nearly 3 million readers a day, which is approximately the number of viewers who tuned into Laguna Beach last season. I don’t expect Foster to hide from this; my guess is she’ll give a statement to People magazine next week.

Some critics claim Perez has mounted something more akin to an Inquisition than a gay pride parade with his regular outing of celebs. Is it fair of him to pull shit like this? No, no it’s not. Does it have the potential to send an extraordinarily positive message to the gay community, closeted or otherwise? Yeah. I think it does. To wax philosophic for a moment, it’s interesting that this kid from Miami who set out to talk shit about famous people in his spare time may actually have a significant cultural and historic impact for the gay community. Interesting, frightening, and pretty damn cool.