Ahhhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha ha ha!

What ever happened to Jessica Simpson’s comedy, “Major Movie Star”?

The “Private Benjamin” – like film has never opened here in the United States. But on October 9th, “Major Movie Star” debuted to top box office in… Russia.

Next up for a movie described by one of its participants as “maybe one of the worst films ever made”: a November premiere in Bulgaria.

So far there’s no U.S. release date set. Nor is there one for any other country in which English is the primary language.

OMG.

What was its competition in Russia? Watching the bread lines?

Jessica Simpson attended the launch of her perfume Fancy at Dillard’s in Dallas Texas today.  She was looking quite robusty.  Shush…it’s a word in my world.

They look like crap when they go to the airport!!!

As much as I love giving Jessica a rough time about her ensembles, I’m going to let this slide, because she actually looks remarkably put-together compared to the way I normally look when arriving at the airport. I just have to ask, though: why wear the jewelry? I mean, you’re going to have to take it off when you go through security, and it’s not like Joan Rivers is going to be looking at these pictures like, “You know, Jessica’s look would have been perfect if she’d paired the oversized sweatsuit with some thin silver hoops.”

Leaving Dallas last week.

No matter what happens with the (endless parade of) men in her life, Jessica Simpson will always have BFF Cacee Cobb.

Jess and Cacee — who’s dating Scrubs‘ Donald Faison — were spotted leaving Madeo in LA last night.

Nice nipples, Cacee.

From a recent interview about Tony Romo: “To be my man, you have to put up with a lot. I toot under the sheets, I spend a lot of money and I can belch the ABC’s.”

Hey, at least she’s honest.

Heh, one girl sent me an entry to the Life of Tim contest detailing how she’d accidentally sharted in bed with a one night stand. I almost peed myself laughing so hard. Seriously these entries are gold. I can’t wait to print my faves.

Very, very bad news for Jessica Simpson.

Her country debut album, Do You Know, was #4 in sales this week, selling only 65,000 copies in an entire week.

That is a VERY BAD number for a name as big as Jessica.

In contrast, the uber-crappy and under-hyped A Public Affair, her last pop album, sold 101,000 copies its first week in 2006.

Meanwhile, Metallica was at the top of the charts this week, selling 490,000 copies.

Really? You guys are still buying Metallica albums? Why???

So, uh, during her Good Morning America performance, apparently the wind got the better of Jessica Simpson, revealing that she decided against wearing panties with this skirt during her performance.

To see this shot from behind — and trust me, you want to — jump in.

Thanks Rob!

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