They look like crap when they go to the airport!!!

As much as I love giving Jessica a rough time about her ensembles, I’m going to let this slide, because she actually looks remarkably put-together compared to the way I normally look when arriving at the airport. I just have to ask, though: why wear the jewelry? I mean, you’re going to have to take it off when you go through security, and it’s not like Joan Rivers is going to be looking at these pictures like, “You know, Jessica’s look would have been perfect if she’d paired the oversized sweatsuit with some thin silver hoops.”

Leaving Dallas last week.

No matter what happens with the (endless parade of) men in her life, Jessica Simpson will always have BFF Cacee Cobb.

Jess and Cacee — who’s dating Scrubs‘ Donald Faison — were spotted leaving Madeo in LA last night.

Nice nipples, Cacee.

From a recent interview about Tony Romo: “To be my man, you have to put up with a lot. I toot under the sheets, I spend a lot of money and I can belch the ABC’s.”

Hey, at least she’s honest.

Heh, one girl sent me an entry to the Life of Tim contest detailing how she’d accidentally sharted in bed with a one night stand. I almost peed myself laughing so hard. Seriously these entries are gold. I can’t wait to print my faves.

Very, very bad news for Jessica Simpson.

Her country debut album, Do You Know, was #4 in sales this week, selling only 65,000 copies in an entire week.

That is a VERY BAD number for a name as big as Jessica.

In contrast, the uber-crappy and under-hyped A Public Affair, her last pop album, sold 101,000 copies its first week in 2006.

Meanwhile, Metallica was at the top of the charts this week, selling 490,000 copies.

Really? You guys are still buying Metallica albums? Why???

So, uh, during her Good Morning America performance, apparently the wind got the better of Jessica Simpson, revealing that she decided against wearing panties with this skirt during her performance.

To see this shot from behind — and trust me, you want to — jump in.

Thanks Rob!

(more…)

Here’s Jessica making her first appearance at the country music institution.

While her performance was mediocre at best (why do they keep panning to the back-up singers?), even the old-fashioned audience members realized that her outfit was abhorrent … but they had different reasons for thinking that than I did.

Audience members, it seemed, couldn’t believe her costume choice. “I think she should have put some clothes on,” one viewer said. While another one responded to how she liked Simpson’s performance with: “I loved that new girl, Crystal [Shawanda] – and she was dressed appropriately.”

I think Jess looks like a bobble-head doll throughout this whole performance. Like a bobble-head doll from 1984. This is all very sad, Jessica.

Here’s Jess in her very sexiest pose in this new ad for Stampede Beer.

Jessica owns a 15% share in the company.

But what’s with this “Stampede Light, it’s beer plus” thing? Grammatical incorrectness notwithstanding, what the fuck does that even mean? Beer plus what? Beer plus your cock in my mouth? Because that’s about the only message I’m getting from this photo, Jess.