Seriously, I felt something rubbing on my leg at like 3 am last night and woke up screaming, “Stop it, Tony Romo!”

My cat just stared at me.

But seriously this dude is just having sex with everything in the Los Angeles area.

Up now: Jessica Simpson, with whom he spent Thanksgiving in Texas. InTouch is reporting that he’s her boyfriend, but somehow I doubt that. I don’t think he’s anyone’s boyfriend. I think he’s just trying to have sex with more celebrities than Matt Leinart. I think that’s his goal.

I love it when Jessica Simpson gets a case of the fuck-its. It’s like every now and then she snaps and says, “You know what? I just don’t fucking care anymore,” and then we get pictures like this. It’s wonderful.

Here she is acting like a drunken ass in front of the AP’s photographers in NYC on Monday night. Check out all the people around her trying to make sure she doesn’t fall down. Loves it.

Jessica Simpson celebrates the launch of the Jessica Simpson Collection at Macy’s by reminding us all how pretty she can be after professionals get their hands on a black-and-white photo of her.

In September, Papa Joe announced that Jessica may be working on a country album.

Jessica seems to be moving forward on that path, as she was the only “pop” star at this CMT event honoring country star Hank Williams, Jr on Thursday night in LA. Looks like she’s networking with all the important people.

I bet Gretchen Wilson had a fit.

This is the second time we’ve seen Jessica and the SNL alum sitting on a couch looking drunk together.

What’s going on here?

Is Cheri the new Ken Paves?

The woman on the far right?

Is Cheri Oteri.

Yeah. That Cheri Oteri.

So weird.

At a GQ party for Brett Ratner’s “Visions of Hollywood.” Pete Wentz hosted.

Jessica Simpson might be returning to a market with less competition her Texas roots, according to her father. She’s apparently considering recording a country album.

“Everything in our business is about beats and I think she really wants to sing and country music still believes in that. I think country is the only pure, storytelling kind of genre left,” says Papa Joe.

He makes no mention of Ashlee Simpson embracing this pure, storytelling genre, because, you know, Ashlee don’t sing that well.

In truth, I can’t think of a relationship I care less about right now.

But for those of you who do care, they were spotted on yet another NYC date.

The pair, who were first spotted out together in the city last week, were “all over each other” and “super flirty” at the Bowery Hotel Friday night, an onlooker tells PEOPLE.

Mayer, 29, and Diaz, 34, who sat together on a couch in the back of the patio, “were laughing and talking a lot” as the waitress brought several rounds of drinks, says the source.

Last Tuesday, the pair were spotted having dessert at the French-Vietnamese restaurant Indochine. “It looked like a casual date,” said a source. “She was giggly. She was laughing and seemed happy.”

Asked if the newly-close pair are dating, a source close to Mayer tells PEOPLE, “Yes, it’s definitely true.”

This must be a really weird week for Jessica Simpson. I mean, the naked pictures of Vanessa “Bush” Minnillo hit the web on Friday, so that must have been pretty vindicating for her. But now her ex-boyfriend is running around town with Cameron Diaz, so that kind of sucks. And why do I spend so much time thinking about what Jessica Simpson must feel about everything? What is wrong with me?