The Simpson sisters grabbed a bite at Katsuya on Saturday night with their mutual hairstylist Ken Paves. You don’t see the two of them together too often, but when you do, the differences in their personalities are really striking. Jessica looks like her usual sunny, happy,  self, but is in danger of having a serious wardrobe malfunction while Ashlee looks…. depressed. Just like she does in almost every picture I’ve seen of her for the past year.

Jessica is the one who has been divorced and just got dumped. So why is happily married mom Ashlee the one who always looks like someone just pissed in her emo eyeliner?

For some time, it was downright enjoyable to watch the ditzy, virginity-hoarding Jessica Simpson struggle in her love life. Then it was mildly amusing. Then it was just so-so. And now I’m just plain old sad about it. As someone not much younger than Jessica who is currently on an equally non-viable search for the Love of Her Life, I would like to see her have some success. It’s a little disheartening that she can’t seem to find a relationship that works for more than a few months. And it’s basically been that way since her divorce. It’s the same kinship I feel with Jennifer Aniston. Like, it would be nice to see a happy ending for these women, because then I’d feel some hope that there was a happy ending in my future. Every time a Jessica Simpson relationship ends, my hope for my own future sinks a little bit.

But we needn’t worry! Because Jessica is HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY! She tweeted this ADORABLE, HAPPY picture of her with her friends (yup, that’s CaCee Cobb on the right), saying “Love my ladies!!! Wish I could be with them everyday of my life. Laughter is wonderful :)”

UGH. Laughter is wonderful, and girlfriends are wonderful, but you know what would also be wonderful? A steady life partner. I hope Jess finds what she’s looking for.

(BTW, you can follow me on Twitter here. You should do that. And then you should send me boyfriend suggestions on there. Okay? Okay.)

As a child who grew up watching The Love Boat, I’m a really big fan of the completely illogical and seemingly impossible reunion that unfolds against the backdrop of the Aloha deck.  Alas, it is not to be for Jessica and Nick.

I never understood why these two split in the first place — this picture was taken nine days before they announced that they were divorcing — but apparently they won’t be doing lunch, even though Nick is recently single and Jessica was unceremoniously dumped by Dallas quarterback Tony Romo.

“I think it’s fun storytelling, but there’s very little truth to any of it,” the singer told PEOPLE at a party at Dusk at the Caesars Hotel and Casino in Atlantic City Saturday night. “I certainly have heard about her breakup and I wish her the best, as I’ve always done. Aside from that, there really is nothing to say.” 

So has he reached out to his ex-wife since her sudden split with Tony Romo? “I haven’t talked to her in probably two years,” Lachey says. “I wish her happiness. That’s where it pretty much ends.” 

You know what wording I find very curious?  ”…but there’s very little truth to it.”  Just enough of a window to keep my hope alive.  Just enough of a window to keep media interested in anything Nick Lachey might have to say.

I’m just kidding y’all!  Jessica Simpson is “sad, mad and confused” because she just listened to some of her past CDs and can’t figure out how she ever became famous.  Ack!  Kidding again!

Jessica Simpson is “sad, mad and confused” over being dumped by Tony Romo.  Apparently she never saw it coming.  Which certainly leaves me a bit confused.  Everyone in the world knew it.  How could she not?

Here’s a life lesson:  If you are telling anyone who will listen that you are getting hitched, but the guy isn’t giving you a ring, a date, or a plan, he’s not marrying you.  Why is that so hard to understand? 

Anyway, Jess, chins up!  It just means Mr. Right is still out there waiting for you.  Probably at some Texas chili cook-off.

Oh, man!  Tony Romo dumped Jessica Simpson on Thursday – the night before her 29th birthday!

Originally, Jess planned to have a Barbie and Ken party, but ended up Tweeting “Barbie party didn’t happen, but I turned 29 and feel like I am on top of the world yelling I LOVE GETTING OLDER!”  Another Tweet on Sunday read “Everyone needs to know that hope floats … grab the strings and pull it back to you.”

A source spoke with People and said “She is heartbroken.  She loves Tony. But it’s been difficult lately. He’s busy with his career and she’s getting ready to shoot her show (The Price of Beauty). They decided to part ways.”   Tony’s training camp starts in two weeks.  I wonder if this break will improve his on-field performance.

First Vanessa and Nick.  Now Tony and Jess.  The ex-Newlyweds are not having a good time of it.

Jessica Simpson sang the National Anthem at a golf tournament that boyfriend Tony Romo — he was booed by spectators, because he was a Dallas Cowboys quarterback golfing in Washington Redskins territory and that’s bad —  played in yesterday in Bethesda, Maryland.  And you know, she didn’t suck.  Some news outlets are calling her screechy, belting out of “The Star Spangled Banner” offensive, but those underdeveloped, overextended vocal cords have sold a massive amount of albums.  She remembered the lyrics and no neighborhood cats appeared in hopes of using her leg as a scratching post.  I consider it a success.

What I do find offensive:  Horizontal stripes on Jessica Simpson.  Offensive.  Every time.

“Tony Romo is one of my favorite quarterbacks. I don’t think he’s my favorite — but he’s certainly one of my favorites. So I felt kinda conflicted doing the Jessica thing. [But] Jessica got fat. I mean, not really fat, but she certainly got fat for … well, Jessica Simpson got fat for Jessica Simpson! You know what I mean? I’ve always wanted people to be able to look back at each video and go, ‘Oh, remember what was going on at that moment!’ You know what I mean? ‘Oh, that’s when Jessica Simpson got fat.’ ‘Oh, OK!’ And even if she gets thin again, that’s fine. But for that moment in time, she was fat.”

Eminem, on his decision to mock Jessica Simpson’s size in the video for “We Made You.” (Video above)