• Brad and Angelina are forced to exercise amongst the unwashed masses, despite their earnest pleas to be spared such indignity.
• Just what Kelly Ripa needs: another television show.

• I bet Dane Cook and Jessica Simpson have really deep pillow talk. “I know many consider Thus Spoke Zarathustra to be Nietzsche’s most important work, Jess, but I’ve personally always felt it to be Ecce Homo, with it’s ultimate emphasis on transvaluation.” “I concur, Dane. So very heartily.”
• Sigourney Weaver injures her knee on a trampoline while filming a movie. “You have to learn what not to do with your knees,” says the actress, ostensibly to Lindsay Lohan.

• Eva Longoria and Tony Parker split, Amanda Peet makes that baby legit.
• Jessica Simpson has reached that really unattractive point of depression-induced apathy. It’s a beautiful thing to behold.
• Drunk much, Beyonce?
• Pamela Anderson’s nipple has Hep C.

• Avril Lavigne spits at photogs at her 8th 22nd birthday celebration.
• Ivanka Trump may be the new face of Tiffany & Co.
• Jessica Simpson is not in a very good mood lately. [The link also includes a video of Ashlee performing -- to rave reviews -- in Chicago...possibly a source of big sis' jealousy...er...grumpiness?]
• Is Arizona the new Hollywood? Because I can assure you that Janet Napolitano was at no point Miss Universe.
• Hey, Jenny McCarthy, we can handle pictures of you sitting on the toilet, we can stomach the fart jokes, and we’re okay with all the very grossest details of pregnancy, but do you really have to talk about sex with Jim Carrey?
• Yom Kippur is fast approaching, and you can stop kidding yourself. You may be taking the day off, but you are sooo not going to be in temple, unless you consider the matinee of Jackass: Number Two your religious headquarters. So, call Stephen Colbert at 1-800-OOPS-JEW, and atone for your sins, heathen.

Apparently Joe Simpson didn’t get the memo that Dukes of Hazzard sucked. He’s planning to open a chain of restaurants called Daisy Dukes, to capitalize on that one movie that capitalized on his daughter’s tits and ass. I don’t understand how he has time for this sort of endeavor, between micromanaging his daughters’ careers and personally photographing their breasts just so, but where there is money to be made from his children’s sexuality, there you will find Joe Simpson.

The former reverend plans to launch the restauarant in Las Vegas in 2007. Look for Ride Me: The Jessica Simpson Amusement Park by early 2009.

• For the eight of you who are still watching the actual SNL rather than the newer, hipper, Sorkin’d-out Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, you’ll be sorry (or perhaps not) to hear that the annual bloodletting at the Lorne Michaels antiquity means the show will say goodbye to Chris Parnell, Horatio Sanz and Finesse Mitchell.
• In honor of what would have been Jerry Orbach’s 71st birthday, TNT will spend October paying tribute to the late actor by airing every Law & Order episode graced by his unique brand of utter awesomeness.
• American Idol’s Clay Aiken talks to Good Morning America about how he reluctantly decided to begin taking anti-depressants, because that discomfort and fear he feels in his own skin is, obviously, the result of a chemical imbalance, and not at all related to a huge part of his identity he plans to hide from everyone at any price.
• After an ear-whisperin’ evening at Chateau Marmont and Les Deux, Kate and Owen must be official now. Us Weekly is asking you to name them, so you know it’s for real.
• Whatever The View is paying Rosie O’Donnell, she should demand they double it. Today, Rosie keeps the whinefest on our radar by honing her gaydar on Oprah & Gayle King.
• Don’t feel too bad about your crazy-ass, shoe-assaultin’, cartoon-drawin’ pops, Lindsay Lohan — Jessica and Ashlee’s dad is a total headcase, too.

Reports are trickling in that Howard Stern got a juicy confession out of Bam Margera on his radio program this morning. Bam says he did hook up with Employee of the Month star Jessica Simpson while she was still married to Nick Lachey.

I didn’t hear the show and I haven’t seen the transcript, but Jessica was technically married to Nick for nearly eight months after the two were separated, and during that time period, Nick’s many conquests were well-documented. So I’ll reserve judgment for now.

If you have more details about what Bam told Howard, tip us off!