Justin Timberlake announces plans to launch his own television network, JT TV. I announce plans to throw up a little in my mouth. [POTP]

Remember Lindsay Lohan? [The Blemish]

Mischa Barton does her very best Crocodile Dundee. [Celebslam]

Anna Nicole was cheating … on TRIMSPA! Leave it to CourtTV to get the hard facts in this case. [TMZ]

T.R. Knight is not getting pushed around by anyone anymore! You hear that, Diddy? [Cele|bitchy]

Jessica Simpson and John Mayer pose for some prom post-Grammy photos. [Tabloid Whore]

Paris Hilton won’t have her true commitment to the ground-breaking creation of novel soundscapes diluted by an extended appearance at such self-congratulatory nonsense as the Grammy awards. But you can take her picture real quick. [Defamer]

See? Sarah Silverman is funny. I told you so. [Gawker]

I am stunned by this quote out of Jess Simpson:

She made that decision (divorce), she says, after watching the 2004 romance The Notebook on a plane ride home to Texas. “I just figured out the statement,” she says of the movie, starring Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams as star-crossed lovers. “It was about that moment of desperation. I needed to breathe.”

She figured out the statement? The Goddamn movie isn’t exactly secretive. Figuring it out is like figuring out the statement to Snakes on a Plane. Guess what? There’s fucking snakes.

I really hated The Notebook but I know there are women out there who love it. So I’ll just say this; how many times have you made a decision based on a movie? Also, now that I really bore down into her quote, the movie isn’t about “that moment of deperation.” It’s about finding and holding on to your true love and other such hackneyed cliches. I don’t think it has much to do with divorce at all. Could she mean she realized she didn’t have what Gosling and McAdams had? Okay, maybe, if you attribute logical thought to Jess. But she also should have figured out that someone wrote their dialogue and they only had to get along for around 40 minutes on screen.

I feel like she should have to wear a shirt that says “I am Stupid.” And it would point to her.

Best and worst of Super Bowl ads. [Film.com]

Ryan Phillippe is all about fatherhood. That and cheating on his wife. [PopSugar]

Kimora Lee gets all lesbo at Cipriani. [Cele|bitchy]

Kim Kardashian takes a page from the Paris Hilton playbook, keeps the sex tape rumors alive. [The Blemish]

Jessica Simpson dyes her hair auburn, colors face to match. [Pop on the Pop]

Ron Jeremy and Paris Hilton once played a little game of I’ll-show-you-mine-if-you’ll-show-me-yours in a bathroom stall. If they wanted to see each other’s naughty bits, they both could have saved some time and checked the Internet. [Warship]

Jennifer Love Hewitt and her cleavage hit up The Ivy for some publicity lunch. Oh, Love. I don’t even know what you’re working on now. The Horse Whisperer? Or something? You’ll always be that girl who gave it up to Bailey Salinger in my mind. [Rappy's]

Ryan O’Neal understands that the publics needs — nay, deserves — a full account of his fireplace-poker-swinging battle with his son. [Defamer]

Jeff Zucker takes the reins at NBC. Hang on tight. [Jossip]

Oh, yay. Another Jessie Simpson interview. The forum: Elle magazine. The topic: Her personal life, and how she won’t talk about it, and then more about her personal life.

On seeing Nick with other women: “Oh, it hurt me. Two or three weeks later? Yeah, I’d say it kind of hurt me.” Hey, Jess? Everyone’s going to lead with that. Everyone. You knew that when you said it, didn’t you?

On her relationship with John Mayer: “I want to tell you everything, but I have to sew my lips together. It’s hurt me in the past.” Damn, that’s a good plan, Jessie. Maybe you could have had that little brainstorming session sometime before the “Is it chicken or tuna” debacle. You’ll get ‘em next time, kiddo.

On the reality show she filmed with Nick: “I let people in on who I am and how I react to my husband. That’s a big deal. Celebrities don’t do that. So I think they brought me down just because I stopped talking and because I have not spoken – and will not speak – about my divorce. And I think people feel like I owe them my reality right now.”

Anyway, Jess goes on to say how she’s still buddies with Nick, and won’t say if she’s currently in love (although she makes it clear to the interviewer that she is). Hey, Jess, if you want to keep your private life private, maybe stop giving interviews about it?

Nicole Kidman is carted off to the hospital after an on-set car accident, but she’s so badass she comes back later in the night to resume filming. Thankfully, someone got the accident on tape. [Celebslam]

Jessica’s pouty expressions and hair-twirling may be more for the camera than for John Mayer. [Cele|bitchy]

Kate and Owen take another shot at their non-relationship. You know, for the sake of the little Ryder. Oh wait. [Celeb Warship]

Pics of Carrie Underwood shooting her new music video. [Celebrity Smack]

Wrap your head around this: Paul Reubens, incapable of draw the line at masturbating in a public place, also smoked cigarettes on set. [Defamer]

Black Snake Moan is characterized as “bad Ricci-porn.” Count me in! [Pajiba]

Even fast food employees are loathe to be associated with Kevin Federline. [Agent Bedhead]