Find out after the jump!

I kid, I kid. It’s Jessica. But seriously. You have to admit, for just one second, you weren’t sure.

In NYC today.

Update: What the hell is on her hand?

If you can believe it, another one of John Mayer’s relationships didn’t work out. The singer — known for his cocky attitude and womanizing — added Jessica Simpson to the laundry list of Hollywood women whose Wonderlands he was ready to leave. Rumor has it John dumped Jess this weekend. The couple, who were first linked at the beginning of this year, represented Simpson’s first real relationship since her very public divorce from Nick Lachey. Lachey, meanwhile, is still running around the world with girlfriend Vanessa Minnillo and her seemingly limitless collection of bikinis.

Jessica, who just a few years ago made headlines for her demure clothing and decision to remain a virgin until marriage, has been notorious lately for wearing extremely revealing outfits. Neither star’s rep is willing to comment on the split, but Jessica is in Cannes this weekend, while John was spotted at NYC hotspot Stereo in search of a new little cake marked “Eat me.”

Jessica Simpson should not be darker than Eva Longoria. Eva naturally has a hot Latina thing going on but Jess is starting to look like George Hamilton. How much fake tan do you have to put on to look this orange? Somebody should tell Jess that you can either darken your hair or your skin…not both.

Jessica Simpson is really looking fugly these days. It keeps getting worse. The whole dark hair, boobs falling out of her shirt, sexy face thing is just not working. There is something to be said about natural beauty.

Can we stop paying attention to the Simpsons? Doesn’t somebody else want to be famous?

Although I don’t know where she got that ridiculous red … is that a dress? Is it overalls? Is it ugly? Yes. All of the above. I’m glad she’s happy, though. Lord knows she was miserable for long enough.

Halle Berry claims she’s never had plastic surgery. [Bossip]

Gold is the new rehab. [INO]

Solange Knowles tells her husband … eh … Lisa beat me to it. [A Socialite's Life]

Fantastic. As soon as we find a fashion designer who’s not gay, he turns out to be a rapist. [Warship]

Um, who is Julie Bowen and why is she talking about her body hair? [Celebslam]

I hate to admit it, but Donald Trump’s little boy Barron is probably the cutest child on the planet. [Monica Monroe]

Get this: Janice Dickinson is probably a lot older than the appearance of her face would imply. [Yeeeah!]

Eh. Jessica Simpson is not adopting a child anytime soon, I assure you. But since everyone is reporting this, here’s a link. [Mollygood]

Jennifer Hudson uses her MySpace blog to try to convince us that not everything you read in the gossip columns is true. Yeah, right. Like I’m supposed to believe that from a girl who tried to bail last-minute on the Soul Train awards! [SOW]

The Beckhams settle on an L.A. home: Meg Ryan’s. [Rumorficial]

Cameron Diaz will have to battle Lindsay Lohan if she wants to get to Jude Law. [BYLTH]

Ryan Seacrest: His Straightest Moments. [Gawker]

Reese Witherspoon jogs the blues away. [Drunken Stepfather]

Jessica Simpson and John Mayer are totally a couple now and they are starting to look eerily similar. Jess’s hair keeps getting darker and she is sporting a rocker chick look, which is quite a departure for her. This black on black suiting ensemble is not really working for me.

Remember when Jess was a sun-kissed California goddess? I loved that Jess. She was dumb and tan and it worked for me. This dark brooding Jess isn’t really my cup of tea. They both look like they need to lie in the sun and get some serious highlights.

Has John Mayer ever watched her movies or listen to her music? Maybe those famous boobs just got him hooked, or maybe Papa Joe is throwing him some extra cash to make Jess look a little less desperate for a man.

Here are some pics of Jess as she once was.