Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz kept their baby Bronx alive for an entire year and yesterday they celebrated their glorious achievement by throwing their little boy a Sponge Bob themed birthday party.

You’d think that they’d do something Jungle Book related because the two are so obsessed with the Kipling book-turned Disney Classic that they got their son’s middle name from the main character (Mowgli– ew.), but they went with the Square Pants thing per the babies (kind of) request. “[Bronx] likes Bob and he likes guitar – which he calls ‘itar,’ so we’re going to have a SpongeBob party for him,” Pete told People. I would think that’d mean a Bob Marley themed birthday party, but I guess “special cake” would be lost on a one year old. Or kill him. I’m not suggesting people give their kids cake laced with marijuana, I’m just sayin’.

Perhaps my favorite part of this story is the nearly illiterate Tweets by the Simpson sisters made to commemorate the special day:

From Ashlee: “BX’s 1st bday tomorrow! My angel is going to be a year!! The greatest year of my life :)”

And Jessica: “Happy Birthday to my precious angel on earth!!! Bronx is 1 today!! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!! I can’t believe it has been a year already.”

I’m going to be really sad when I have to write up a post next summer about how that poor baby got napped from Joe and Tina Simpson’s backyard by a coyote.

No, Jess didn’t finally reveal her real IQ, but she is coming clean about just how bad Melrose Place is.  When her sister Ashlee was on the show, Jess would frequently Tweet about it, reminding fans to tune in, as any supportive sister would.  Now that Ash got pink slipped, Jess is crediting her sis with all of MP’s success and she’s also getting real about the true caliber of MP and admitting to the world what we already knew:  Melrose Place sucks, y’all.  

Now that Mad Men only has one episode left of the season, and the Beautiful Life ended after two showings, what is left on television that’s any good?  And don’t say “Glee.”

“I don’t want to get bored. I can bore out pretty easily, so I love intellectual men … people that will always keep me intrigued.”

– Jessica Simpson telling Extra what she’s looking for in a man. Oh, honey.

Rumor has it that after a seemingly flirty encounter in NYC, Jessica Simpson and Gerard Butler are dating. Well, apparently that rumor’s a crock.

Here’s the set up: Jessica and Gerard were out together, but not “together”. They have mutual friends, including Jessica’s BFF Ken Paves (her long time hair stylist), and they were out as a big group at Soho House. They apparently touched elbows and batted eyes at one another and that’s about it in terms of “rumor fuel”. Not to mention Gerard is kind of a ladies man and with his star rising, he’s in no rush to settle down. A friend close to Gerard seemed pretty certain that there was no way Jessica’s about to be his main squeeze, “I’m never surprised to hear that Gerard is with someone new. None of those relationships last. Certainly he’s not planning on settling down with Jessica Simpson … Gerard plays the field … and Jessica is lonely … and she lost weight and is looking good.”

So basically: don’t worry, ladies! Gerard Butler is still single and he’s probably going to want to start dating you any. day. now.

Fox has issued a statement apologizing to all of America– Jessica Simpson included– for the above cartoon, sponsored by Burger King, which aired during their NFL broadcast last Sunday.

“Burger King Corp. did not have any editorial input in the creation of the animation that ran last Sunday, and no one from Burger King Corp. approved it before it aired. Upon reflection, our poor attempt at humor was insensitive and we deeply apologize to anyone who might have been offended.”

They might want to keep that second sentence handy since it applies to their entire fall lineup.

It’s been a rough month for Jessica Simpson after losing her malitpoo Daisy to a coyote in her parent’s back yard. The singer turned to Twitter in hopes of being able to retrieve her pup, but everyone knew that the situation was pretty bleak. Jessica did not give up hope though and followed through with the tips that she received that Daisy had been found… only to find out that all of them were dead-ends that she was lead to by pranksters.

As if the loss of a dog isn’t heartbreaking enough, especially under such circumstances, but to have people sending you messages that give you hope only to find out that it was just some jerk off with a keyboard messing with you? That’s truly mean.

Jessica took to her Twitter last night to ask the public to please stop with the practical jokes. “People have been contacting my family and friends saying that Daisy has been found. Untrue. People are so cruel. Please respect her memory.”

I would love to be able to make a joke about this, and I’m sure that some of you in the comments will chime in about how stupid and irresponsible she and her parents are, but currently I have my chihuahua sleeping on my lap and the thought of losing him period, let alone to a coyote, is heartbreaking. I actually feel quite bad about this story and am disgusted by anyone so desperate to touch fame that they’re sending this woman false reports of finding her puppy.

Sorry for two Simpson Sisters posts in a row, but this is really really important, you guys.

Jessica Simpson ended her summer by watching her precious maltipoo Daisy get eaten by a coyote and then flew straight to Africa to film another installment of her new show The Price of Beauty. Unfortunately for Jessica, who was able to bring along her BFFs Cacee Cobb and hairstylist Ken Paves, she’s not quite used to the buggy climate. She posted the above photo, along with the tweet “WTF?!? Do I really have to sleep like this?” on her Twitter feed. However, Simpson can’t be having that bad of a time as she followed up the next day with “LOVED my first day in Uganda meeting incredible women filled with spirit.”

My heart always breaks for this dim-witted blond and I’m not sure why. Perhaps it’s her ability to see the positives in her roller-coaster life, or maybe it’s just because she had to grow up with Joe Simpson for a father, but for some reason she gets my loyalty.

I am totally nuts for Martha Stewart, but I think we all know homegirl emotes about as much as one of her homegrown squashes. However, Martha chose to detract a statement she made about Jessica Simpson’s loss of her maltipoo, Daisy to a coyote because she thought better of what she said. “I said that she should have been watching her dog more closely, but I feel very, very sorry for anybody that loses a pet.”

The apology likely came with Stewart learned of how hard the loss of the pup has been on Simpson, who, unlike most of her contemporaries, did not view her baby as just another accessory. The word is that Jessica is still devastated over the loss of Daisy, and while Martha’s support likely doesn’t fix the problem, I’m sure that Jessica is finding comfort in the fact that most people realize a coyote attack is typically not the owners fault.

It was only yesterday that I told you that, according to her friends, Jessica Simpson was in a tailspin over the presumed death of her Malti-Poo, Daisy.  The reports were claiming that she wouldn’t leave her parents house and I had visions of her curled up, existing solely on Slim Jims and mojitos.  It seems that she’s doing better than all that.

Jessica was seen today looking happy and healthy at Heathrow Airport in London, smiling (though who knows what pain lies behind those drink coaster sunglasses?), and with one less bag to carry (too soon?).

Jessica Simpson is having a really difficult time dealing with the loss of her Malti-Poo, Daisy.  According to People, she won’t leave her parents’ house and is generally inconsolable.

Her unnamed friend said, “Daisy was her baby.  It’s going to put her in a tailspin.  It will put her in the worst place ever.”

“Whenever things went wrong for Jessica, she reached for Daisy,” another source, a friend, says. “Daisy was her security blanket. When people let her down, she always had Daisy.”

On Sept. 19, her stylist pal Ken Paves convinced Simpson to finally leave her parents’ house. They went to Vino in Encino, Calif., for an attempt to perk her up.

“Jessica seemed okay, but wasn’t smiling much,” an onlooker says. “The wine made her relax a bit, but it was still obvious that she was having a devastating week.”

I believe in full disclosure, so let me tell you that I don’t have any dogs.  I don’t feel a connection to dogs and I will never understand people who call their dogs “my child”.  I just don’t relate.  I’m sure if I had a dog, I’d understand the connection.  So, I think it’s sad that her very adorable dog was snatched away by a coyote, but I’m shocked that People has written this many articles about a dead dog.  Come to think of it, I’m shocked that I’ve written this many articles about a dead dog.  The death of the greatest comedic actress of our times (Bea Arthur) didn’t get this much coverage.

Cheer up, Jessica!  Things could be worse.  You could still be waiting for an engagement ring from a dude who never had any intention of giving you one.  Silver lining, silver lining.

Ugh, my heart just breaks for Jessica Simpson, whose little Maltipoo Daisy went missing on Monday after being snatched by a coyote. I relate to this on so many levels. First, I had a dog die about a year and a half ago, and it was one of the most upsetting and stressful experiences of my life. I have my little Leo now, and he makes my life so happy, and I can’t imagine losing him. Second, when I was a little girl living in Arizona, we had an outdoor cat named Jingles who was wandering around in the desert and got eaten by coyotes. That was another very horrible experience. So I understand what Jessica’s going through right now, and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

Even though “experts” are predicting the dog is no longer alive, Jessica continues to hold out hope, posting on her Twitter: “Still holding out hope despite the assholes that say is it a dumb thing to do. Daisy is my baby…why would I stop searching? I’m a mom.” Amen, sister. You can’t just give up that easily on your baby!

Us Magazine reports that Jessica is working with a pet-finding service called FindToto to try to bring Daisy home. I know the odds are slim, but I really hope she can get her baby back. My prayers are with you, Jessica!

Jessica Simpson took to her Twitter yesterday to let everyone know that she was searching after her Malti-Poo Daisy, a gift from ex-husband Nick Lachey, was snatched away by a coyote.  ”My heart is broken because a coyote took my precious Daisy right in front of our eyes. HORROR! We are searching. Hoping. Please help!”

Aw, this is so sad.  Daisy is that cute little puff ball that Jessica is usually seen traveling with.  One minute she was hanging out in her Louis Vuitton pet carrier and the next … well, never mind.

Coyotes are a real problem in lots of areas.  Here in Massachusetts they are so displaced thanks to all the new housing developments that have encroached upon their territory — we have had coyotes walk right across our yard — yet it doesn’t seem fair to thin them out either.