Then check out this clip from her new movie, Powder Blue, here. (Warning: NSFW.) Biel plays a stripper in the ensemble drama about four Angelenos who meet on Christmas Eve through “chance, tragedy and divine intervention.”

Let me have a go at these:

There is a chance this movie with be a gigantic flop. It is a tragedy that no one learned anything from Elizabeth Berkeley’s fate in Showgirls. And it will take divine intervention for Jessica Biel to become the respected actress she’s trying to be.

The best part is toward the beginning where Biel’s character throws a bunch of hot candle wax on herself and then starts crying. OH THE DRAMA!

… I dunno how to finish that. The couple that jogs together … flogs together? Clogs together? Hedgehogs together? (I’m sure that means some sex thing to somebody. “Hey baby. I’m a little drunk. I think I’d be down to let you hedgehog me tonight. But you can’t tell anyone I let you!”)

Anyway, whatever it is, Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake are doing it. The couple defied break-up rumors for the billionth time by taking their perfect little bodies for a jog together in NYC. It’s so cute and healthy I could just vomit. (Doesn’t that sound easier than exercising?)

I am positively floored to hear this, but Jessica Biel’s new movie about the stripper with a heart, Powder Blue, is going direct to DVD.  I don’t understand how such a talent as Jessica can be put on the Blockbuster shelf over and over again.

She has another movie, Easy Virtue, that is set for limited release in May.  If it actually happens, this will be her first time on the big screen in over two years.

Personally, I maintain high hopes for Nailed, the cinematic (maybe!) masterpiece out for release later this year.  A fascinating plot in which the main character (Biel) has a nail lodged in her head that causes her to flirt with Jake Gyllenhaal.  How insulting is it to be part of a production where the storyline involves a woman who has to be impaled by a piece of hardware to show any interest in you?  Anyway, sounds like a blockbuster for sure.

May I suggest that Jessica needs a change of pace?  A stripper movie, a movie titled Easy Virtue, a movie titled Nailed.  We get it Jess-you’re sexy.  You’ve got to either go lesbian or get into a Holocaust movie if you want to advance this fledgling career of yours forward.

Jessica Biel and alleged kidnapper Clark Rockefeller Christian Karl Gerhartsreiter Justin Timberlake at an L.A. Lakers game last night.  Pictures in the gallery of Timberlake mounting his ho for benefit of the Jumbo Tron and the naysayers, of course.

Didn’t I predict that Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel were going to be breaking up?  I’m pretty sure I did.  So what in the hell is Justin doing making positive statements in the media about his little hooker with a heart?  In this month’s print issue of Hello magazine,(and speaking of “Hello”, uh, hello?  Is that even a real magazine?)  the former boybander was happy to swoon about his girlfriend of two years:

Recent paparazzi shots of Jessica trying on rings at a Los Angeles jeweler have only served to fuel the gossip that a wedding is [in] the cards – despite denials from Justin.

“I’ve been very lucky to find a woman as dynamic and as loving as Jessica,” says Justin. “Work has always been a huge focus in my life but now I realize how beautiful it can be to have someone to share it with. I’m so happy to have a great woman in my life.”

Q: Has it been difficult to keep you relationship as private as you might like?
“We do pretty much everything we want to do. Sometimes we get spotted by the paparazzi but usually we can find a quiet place to eat and no one will bother us. It can be distracting but you learn to keep walking and pay no attention.”

Q: Why is this relationship so special?
“We get along so well. The first thing we noticed when we started going out is how easily we made each other laugh. Sometimes when you meet someone it feels right from the beginning. She has a very engaging personality and we have a natural way of being together. I’m a lucky guy.”

Listen, Justin.  I don’t give a rat’s ass about you and Jess and your special way, okay?  All I know is that I do not appreciate you trying to fuck with my prediction success rate and I want this fuckery to cease immediately.

Le sigh.  Is it time for me to hang up my hoop earrings and crystal ball?  Hells, no.

You may find this odd since I write celebrity gossip, but I don’t really like movies.  I have limited knowledge of them and have never seen such classics as Grease, Star Wars or Titanic.  I know, I live a life of shame.

However, even I know that the hardscrabble, down on her luck girl with no other options than the stripper pole movie has been done at least thirty-seven times.  Hasn’t it?  Because I watched this little Jessica Biel clip where she talks about how much she respects the profession and how her Powder Blue character didn’t go to college so she had no other career choices and, I dunno-all I could think was, “Didn’t Demi Moore already do this movie?”

Oh, and if the firemen didn’t do anything for you, and the Kendra Wilkinson photos just made you crave hay and oats, this trailer may satisfy.

I’m making another one of my predictions.  You all may remember that I’m basically the Miss Cleo around here at Evil Beet.  To be fair, this picture doesn’t require a whole lot of clairvoyance; But to make it official, I call a Justin/Jessica break-up by September.

And for those of you unfamiliar with my acute perspicaciousness, please read here and here and here.