No, not like that.

I have no idea why it’s clips day today, but it is. I found this old MadTV parody of Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica on Wampoon, and I’m posting it because:

a) It’s really funny.
b) Jessica Alba looks hot in it, and I’ve heard that all three of the heterosexual male readers of this site enjoy looking at Jessica Alba, particularly when she looks hot.

• Barbara Walters, E.E. Cummings find Rosie O’Donnell’s blog pretentious, totally unnecessary.
• People reports that “Party of Five’s Jeremy London” got married this weekend. The last time Jeremy London filmed an episode of Party of Five, it was 1997, and you still had a crush on Scott Wolf.
• “Crocodile Hunter” Steve Irwin died this weekend when he was stung by a stingray while filming in Australia. It must be sweeps week.
• Donald Trump: still a raging, misogynistic asshole.
• David Beckham confirms that his wife, Posh Spice, is pregnant again. Hey remember that one time she got trashed at that club in London and there were all those hilarious pictures of it on the Internet? Yeah, that was like 2 weeks ago.
• Nicole Richie’s body has nearly exhausted its “internal organs” supply of sustenance.
• Yeah, I know, you think it’s pretty heartless of me to be making jokes at the expense of Steve Irwin’s recent death and Nicole Richie’s imminent one. And you’re probably right. But you know what? There are more pics of Jessica Alba’s ass. You can’t stay mad at me forever.