Memo to the Malibu Colony fire: if you have to go around destroying the homes of celebrities, could you think of someone a little more interesting than Suzanne Somers? [Celebrity Smack]

Paris Hilton made it nearly a week and a half into the new year before a nip slip. Someone should give her a cookie. [The Blemish]

Check out Kat McPhee’s first single, “Over It.” [popbytes]

Halle Berry sports a sexy gold number at the People’s Choice Awards. [Dirty Laundry]

Paris Hilton(’s attorney) pleads not guilty to her September DUI. [Celeb Warship]

Jessica Alba wants you to think that she thinks it might bother the paparazzi if she takes pictures of them. But Jessica Alba knows that when she takes pictures of the paparazzi taking pictures of her and they get a picture of her taking pictures of them, that picture will sweep through the blogosphere aned she’ll get paid more per picture. It’s simple, really. [IBBB]

Hilary Swank gets her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. [Mollygood]

Claire Danes and Billy Crudup split. In related news: Claire Danes and Billy Crudup were dating. [Barbie Martini]

The worst films of 2006. [Pajiba]

After dropping the f-bomb on national television, Vanessa Minnillo spends the next few hours getting utterly wasted and attempting to flash New York City. [Mollygood]

It’s been months (and about 20 pounds) since we’ve had a Lindsay-Lohan-in-bikini photo set. [Cele|bitchy]

Paris Hilton graces the folks at Pure with an impromptu performance of “Stars Are Blind.” Not blind enough, figures the audience, and someone pelts her in the eye with ice. [Yeeeah!]

There are three young women at a house party. One is passed out. Another is flashing her breast. And the last is biting the inner thigh of the one who’s half-naked. Guess which one is Mary-Kate Olsen. [I'm Not Obsessed]

Pam Anderson drunk-ass wasted in Vegas on New Years. [Celebrity Smack, more, even more]

Jessica Alba in a bikini. You’re welcome. [IBBB]

Lindsay Lohan and Wilmer Valderrama make nice. [Celebslam]

That elusive Ashlee Simpson nip slip has arrived. [The Blemish]

I don’t know if she is naked. I don’t know if they are doin’ something nasty. Use your imagination.

Thanks [Mclady Celebrities] for the hot pics. There are more where that came from…

No, not like that.

I have no idea why it’s clips day today, but it is. I found this old MadTV parody of Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica on Wampoon, and I’m posting it because:

a) It’s really funny.
b) Jessica Alba looks hot in it, and I’ve heard that all three of the heterosexual male readers of this site enjoy looking at Jessica Alba, particularly when she looks hot.

• Barbara Walters, E.E. Cummings find Rosie O’Donnell’s blog pretentious, totally unnecessary.
• People reports that “Party of Five’s Jeremy London” got married this weekend. The last time Jeremy London filmed an episode of Party of Five, it was 1997, and you still had a crush on Scott Wolf.
• “Crocodile Hunter” Steve Irwin died this weekend when he was stung by a stingray while filming in Australia. It must be sweeps week.
• Donald Trump: still a raging, misogynistic asshole.
• David Beckham confirms that his wife, Posh Spice, is pregnant again. Hey remember that one time she got trashed at that club in London and there were all those hilarious pictures of it on the Internet? Yeah, that was like 2 weeks ago.
• Nicole Richie’s body has nearly exhausted its “internal organs” supply of sustenance.
• Yeah, I know, you think it’s pretty heartless of me to be making jokes at the expense of Steve Irwin’s recent death and Nicole Richie’s imminent one. And you’re probably right. But you know what? There are more pics of Jessica Alba’s ass. You can’t stay mad at me forever.