Every once in a while I come across a story that blows out all my circuit breakers.  Today, this event has occurred.

Jenny McCarthy has teamed up with Oprah.  As I take a deep breath and forge ahead, it brings me physical pain to inform you that McCarthy now has a blog on Oprah’s website and is being groomed for her own talk show.  Jenny McCarthy.  Oprah.  It’s a perfect storm of lunacy.

In my hopes that this was all just a vicious rumor I could easily dispel, I headed over to O’s site only to discover “Jenny McCarthy” on the header, nestled in between “Elizabeth Edwards” and “Take Our Recession Poll.”  Currently, Jenny’s blogging about giving up sugar.  Which is something I did as well.  And it’s only a matter of time before she starts blogging about her son Evan’s autism.  That’s something I do also.  It really bothers me to have things in common with Jenny McCarthy.  Like, beyond both of us having ovaries, and I’d be willing to have mine removed if it resulted in this Jenny-O union being dissolved, I don’t want to relate to her on any level.

I think I’ll feel better if I start a list of the things we don’t have in common.  She is one of Oprah’s apostles; there is probably a restraining order on file that prohibits me from coming within a mile of Harpo Studios.  She blogs about her PMS symptoms; I could never be so hateful.  Her chesticles are plastical; mine are fantastical.  Oh, and she can cure autism utilizing a magic recipe of sorghum and rice.  I am completely incapable of curing autism.

“I love Botox, I absolutely love it. I get it minimally, so I can still move my face, but I really do think it’s a savior.”

Jenny McCarthy, in an interview with Michigan Avenue magazine.

Now, I completely agree with her here — I think if it’s used in moderation, Botox can work wonders. I think it gets a bad rap because some people abuse it and look ridiculous. I don’t even have wrinkles, but I use it from time to time to lift my eyebrows and just generally improve my skin tone, and I swear by it. I tell all my girlfriends to get it and they’re like, “But I don’t have wrinkles!” and I’m like “It doesn’t matter!” Then they get it done and they’re like, “This is amazing! I can’t believe I didn’t know about this before.” So there’s your beauty tip of the day, ladies: You’re never too young for Botox! (Your rants go in the comments section.)

But what the hell is Michigan Avenue magazine? Is it like an upscale Chicago lifestyle magazine? Remember when Jenny “Wheat-Free” McCarthy was on the cover of real magazines?

When their careers keep them apart, Jenny “Wheat-Free” McCarthy and Jim Carrey keep their relationship hot by having Jim do Internet strip teases for Jenny.

Jenny tells OK! magazine:

“I haven’t done any dancing, but I make him do that! It’s nice! With the iChat, we’re always afraid that there’s a third party watching! We’re a little bit careful, but it’s a great way to have that face-to-face connection! I go online and check him out. I tell him his outfit looks cute!”

It’s funny; I didn’t even realize you could do video chat on iChat until a few days ago when a friend of mine send me a video chat request. I was, per usual, sitting on my couch butt-naked, blogging, and I couldn’t deny the request fast enough. I was soooo worried I would accidentally accept it and my naked upper body would show up on her computer screen in all its glory. She texted me next me the next morning like “Are you mad at me???” and I was like, “No, I was naked!!!”

Anyway, seems to work well for Jenny and Jim.

Their love is no laughing matter.

Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carrey looked beautiful and in love at the premiere of Yes Man in LA last night.

I give Jenny McCarthy a lot of shit around here, but the truth is that I respect her for being so focused on raising awareness about autism and always putting her child’s needs first. She’s one of those celebrities who didn’t hold a press conference to talk about how she was going to focus on her family and humanitarian efforts and then proceed to focus on making movies and getting the paparazzi to take pictures of her with her kid. She just quietly transitioned from ditzy blonde bombshell to full-time mother and advocate for her child, and that shit wins a lot of points in my book. Also, she looks freakin’ amazing here. Rock on, Jenny.

Us Magazine is running this headline:

Jenny McCarthy: My Son No Longer Has Autism

Yes, that’s right, she “cured” him. With some manner of wheat-free diet.

And she’s in a position to make national news of this.

Every pediatric medical association in the country is going bonkers right now.

It’s been a long time since Ace Ventura, and most of what we see of Jim Carrey these days is his support of Jenny McCarthy as she spearheads the fight against autism and unsafe childhood vaccinations, but he’s clearly the same guy he always was.

Jim put on Jenny’s bikini for a paparazzi-friendly stroll in Malibu this week.

Cute.

[Image via Splash]

I don’t really understand what they’re arguing about, but I love that Jenny McCarthy is fighting her ass off in support of autism research and proper treatment. And I love that she said “bullshit” on CNN.