J-Love may have wormed her slimy little way into Wendie’s heart, but I continue to carry my distaste for her. And I am EXTREMELY SCARED for women everywhere now that I hear she’s writing a book about dating.

With plenty of dating experience under her belt, Jennifer Love Hewitt has decided to write a book, titled The Day I Shot Cupid, addressing romantic relationships that will include everything from tips on text-flirting and how to start over after a breakup.

“I thought it was time to share the real story of what I’ve learned navigating the dating waters.” Hewitt says in a statement from Voice publishers. “Hopefully, in addition to having a good laugh, women reading this will learn from some of my hard lessons.”

Um, I will be interested in Jennifer Love Hewitt’s book when she calls it The Day I Got Engaged to a Man and Then Actually Married Him. Because, look, I’ve been on a lot of dead-end dates, too. I’ve dated a lot of men and then realized that it wasn’t going to work out in the long run. But I never got engaged to the dudes. And it’s a mistake that everyone is entitled to make once, but how many damn times have you been engaged now, Love? And then broke it off? I will take dating advice from you the same day I take fashion tips from Chloe Sevigny.

The book — if you dare to read it — will come out in March 2010.

Nope, that’s not Rachael Ray and that’s not Tatum O’Neal.  That’s JLH — doesn’t she look really old all of a sudden?  Bad lighting and unfortunate Miss Clairol color choice, I guess.

Anyway, Jennifer Love Hewitt is mirroring the exact same sentiment that I just wrote about a couple of weeks on my own blog.  She was quoted as saying, “It’s just gross. It’s really weird — I can eat chicken if I take if off the bone, but I can’t eat a chicken leg and have my teeth touch the bone. It freaks me out. It’s just the chicken skin. You go, ‘Oh gosh, I’m eating a chicken,’ and it’s really disturbing.” 

Yes, these are very disturbing concepts I’ve been grappling with.   Both realizing that I’m eating something that actually once had a parents and a face and also realizing that my brain is starting to work like JLH’s.  If I go blond and start getting engaged every seven months, euthanize me.  Please.

As if you needed any more reasons to find Jennifer Love Hewitt annoying, she crashed boyfriend Jamie Kennedy’s 104.7 Johnjay and Rich Show radio interview so she could talk about — what else?- getting engaged.

A rumor has come out that Jamie and I supposedly got engaged,” she said after the two were spotted at a Las Vegas jewelry shop buying a small ring.

When her boyfriend heard the engagement reports, “the poor guy was on fire,” she went on. “He was like, ‘No, no, no. That’s not true!’”

Added the actress, “I was like, ‘God, would that be the worst thing in the world?! Excuse me, but just for a second, there’s a line of people who would probably be OK with that [rumor].’”

Kennedy said he didn’t mean to upset his girlfriend.

“The thing is, people asked me, ‘Are you engaged?’ And I just said, ‘No, not that the moment, I’d be a very lucky man,’” he said. “And she got mad at me!”

Kennedy then asked Hewitt for a proposal timeline.

Replied Hewitt, “A timeline? By this time next year, if we’re not planning something, then there’s a situation.”

Really, Jennifer?  I want pictures of the lines.  The lines of men who have no other life goal than to be married to you.  Maybe you should spend a bit less time living in your fantasy land and issuing ultimatums and a little more time trying to successfully participate in a dating relationship to begin with.  I mean, haven’t you been engaged, like, 50 times?

You can’t ride a horse while it’s dead and you’re beating it, Love.

But that’s exactly what JLH is hoping to sing about — in the latest iteration of the decades-long free-fall that is her music career. Yes, it’s true: She’s going to sing country.

Her boyfriend, Jamie Kennedy, says that she’s “writing a country song, and I really want to make her a new demo for her music, because I think she should do singing again. She’s so good.”

Um, yeah. A new demo would be a good idea, seeing as the last time she released a song it was in 2002. Since then, she’s been through countless fiances. It’s definitely time to go for country. Hey, it worked out so well for Jessica Simpson …

Jennifer “Can’t Find Love” Hewitt gives boyfriend Jamie Kennedy a kiss before he performs at a comedy club in New York.

Wonder how long it’ll be before they’re engaged and then she changes her mind?

Just a few months after she and her fiance split, Jennifer Love Hewitt is making no secret of her love for Jamie Kennedy. It seems like there’s a new set of photographs of them every day, so you know she’s tipping off the paparazzi. It’s leading some people — including her former fiance — to speculate that there was something going on between the two of them even while she was engaged to Ross McCall.

According to InTouch:

Only three months after splitting with fiance Ross McCall, Jennifer Love Hewitt has found love again with her Ghost Whisperer co-star Jamie Kennedy - and Ross is not happy about it at all!

“Ross feels completely blindsided that Jennifer is already so publicly involved with someone again,” a close friend tells In Touch. “He feels that Jamie always flirted with Jennifer around him, and now he is wondering to his friends if this romance actually began while they were still together. He is very upset.”

While pals claim that Ross, 33, was the one to call off the three-year relationship in January, he is still hurt that she moved on so quickly.

“He thinks this is completely messed up,” a friend said.

Damn, Jennifer. Were you cheating on your fiance? I certainly wouldn’t put it past you. You just always need to be “in love,” dontcha, Love?

Fame Pictures

Hi all. I have a serious handicap today, because my fake nails have grown out to the point where they really need to be shaved down and it’s very difficult to type. I am way too absent-minded to actually go into the salon and have them shaved down, so, instead, I’m just writing less. This is probably a poor decision in light of the fact that my entire job is to write. But I digress.

If you hadn’t heard by now, Jennifer “Can’t Find Love” Hewitt is working her evil magic on “funnyman” Jamie Kennedy. I suppose at this point she has to date someone with a sense of humor. After all, she is something of a joke.

Jamie and Jennifer were vacationing in Mexico this weekend when Jamie came down with a bad case of kidney stones. Ouch! The ill-fated couple flew back to Los Angeles Wednesday morning and Jamie went straight to the hospital. “He had comedy shows scheduled in Boston, but he canceled them because of his kidney stones,” says a source. “He felt better later in the day and went home, but on Thursday he started hurting again and he went back to the hospital.”

Whatever. These things aren’t kidney stones. They’re the evil little alien creatures Jen’s body involuntarily excretes during sexual intercourse. God speed, Jamie.