I thought this was a rule that applied to pets and owners looking alike, but is it my imagination or has Jennifer Lopez inherited Marc Anthony’s bone structure?  Lopez was just one of many celebs who posed for a portrait at last night’s American Music Awards.

Carrie Underwood channeled Angie Dickinson, Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman are still in love, Rihanna opted for wallpaper in lieu of a dress, Val Kilmer got fat and Paula Abdul looked stoned for a change.  The worst dressed of the evening?  Kelly Clarkson.  Kelly, for the love of God and all that is good in this green world, please get a stylist.

Carrie Prejean — yep, she’s still around — was on Sean Hannity’s show last night to talk about her solo sex tape.  I know the folks at the Miss California pageant are happy that tape exists (a tape of Carrie masturbating for her boyfriend at the time), because about 20 seconds after they showed it to Prejean she dropped her lawsuit.  Ah … the power of a masturbation tape … truly, the power of one.

Anyway, it’s clear that Sean Hannity totally backs up Prejean.  He wrote the forward for her book “Still Standing” and clearly does all he can to take the heat off of her during last night’s interview.

In the meantime, it looks like Jennifer Lopez could be talking about her sex tape soon.  The singer is suing her ex-husband (I know, I know.  Which one?)  Ojani Noa, also known as “The First in the Trilogy” for $10M for violating a 2004 confidentiality agreement that they both signed.  It seems that Noa is in possession of their honeymoon sex tape and is shopping around for a buyer.  The tape — it already has a title of How I Married Jennifer Lopez: The J.Lo and Ojani Noa Story — shows a fight between J.Lo and her mother as well as J.Lo getting spanked.  Kinky girl!  Who knew?  Nobody, until now.

Jennifer Lopez is on September’s cover of InStyle looking like an Oreo vagina and, in between the covers of the mag, she offers sage advice about marriage.  Stop laughing!  Now that she’s got her two starters out of the way, she has settled down quite nicely with Marc Anthony.  As a matter of fact, their marriage has lasted twice as long as Jen’s two previous unions — combined!

“I’m still figuring it out as I go along,” Lopez tells InStyle magazine. “How do two totally different people come together and make one life and say they’ll do it forever and ever? I mean, I’ve tried it. This is my third time. I don’t even think I tried in my other marriages, which was immature and not knowing better. … I believe that in life you learn through experience. I’m old enough to know now that relationships take work. That it’s not an easy thing.”

So, I don’t know.  Is this a statement designed to prepare the public for an eventual split?  Or does it sound like they are on firm footing?  I’ll be the first to admit that I didn’t think it would last for the five years that it has.  Cynic.

The rest of the interview is just a bunch of yammering about how having children changed her life.  I want to meet the woman who says, “Yeah, I cranked out a couple kids but it’s still the status quo around here.”  Seriously, the biggest parenting cliches that exist:  

1)  My life has changed since having a child.

2)  I look at the world differently since having a child.

3)  It’s a love like no other when  you have a child.

4)  Having a child makes me want to be a better person.

Listen, all these things may be true, but does every celeb have to say them as if they were the first to think of it?

Marc Anthony hosted a “surprise” birthday party for his bride’s 40th.  Jennifer Lopez is another one of those actresses that has way more acting skill than I gave her credit for.  Notice how surprised, shocked, teary she looked as she arrived.  Did she think she was headed to the Sizzler in her floor-length Grecian-inspired gown?  She totally knew!  I’ve got more pics in the gallery of Lopez faking it, as well as a pic of Mets player Carlos Beltran who attended the party.  Truth?  I only included the Carlos picture so we could laugh at his date’s ensemble.

According to Gatecrasher, Ms. Lopez was very irritated — and spent a lot of time loudly complaining about it to her husband — by guests who did not arrive on time.  

Happy Birthday — you’ll always be J. Lo to me, even though your husband has re-branded you as Lola.

Is Ben Affleck becoming the new Jennifer Aniston?  It’s entirely possible, because he recently spoke with Contact Music about the time that he was one half of the duo Bennifer.

BEN AFFLECK has spoken out about his high-profile relationship with former girlfriend JENNIFER LOPEZ – insisting it was bad for his movie career.
The actor began dating the singer in 2002 after starring in Gigli with her, and the pair later became engaged before splitting up shortly before their scheduled wedding in 2004.
Affleck is adamant he should never have got involved in the first place – because the publicity surrounding their romance tainted his career.
He says, “I was no longer in control of my life. I thought I wanted certain things, but I didn’t. I got lost. I felt suffocated, miserable and gross. I should never have gone down that route or got sucked in to all the publicity.
“I was typecast as myself. Too many people weren’t getting past what they read about me. That was damaging. I can tell from experience it’s bad for you, and bad for your career. So I took a break, went away for a while and let things calm down.”

Coincidentally, all things J. Lo make me feel suffocated too.  Of course that might have to do with my burying my face in a pillow and screaming whenever she appears on my radio or television screen.

Ben, you are a wise man and no longer overexposed.  Now, could you speak with a certain over-peroxided couple that need to learn the same lesson that you did?

Here’s some pictures of Jennifer Lopez filming on the set of her new movie, The Backup Plan.  She’s really filled out lately, huh?  An Ab Roller could help her.

I’d like to caption this, “I feel sad that Beet is going to have to pay a week of paid vacation to Wendie because Wendie is an amazing visionary who totally has correctly predicted that Skeletor and I are splitting up in 2009.”

Okay, there haven’t been any official announcements yet, but stay tuned.  God, I hope this doesn’t turn into Pukegate all over again.

Jennifer Lopez went leather-tastic for the NYC opening of TOPSHOP, sporting a tiny black dress underneath. Hubby Marc Anthony was by her side. I think Wendie and I should bet money on them. She’s so sure they’re splitsville, and I’m so sure they’re for real. I think if they don’t announce a break-up by the end of 2009, Wendie has to work a week for free. Either that or she has to cover every single story about Jennifer Aniston’s love life in 2010. She’ll do a week for free, I guarantee ya.

Also there: Kate Moss (of course), Blake Lively and supposed ex-boyfriend Penn Badgley, as well as Simon Cowell and supposed ex-girlfriend Terri Seymour.

Jennifer Lopez was looking especially youthful, small and Harajuku-tastic at a promotional appearance for Samantha Thavasa at her Shibuya store on Monday.

She also made damn sure to show off that honkin’ ring of hers. That thing looks like it weighs more than her entire head.

Wendie and I are of differing opinions on the JLo marriage. I think it’s for real, and the break-up rumors are bunk. Wendie thinks they’re approximately 20 seconds away from divorce. Thoughts?

Last week, stars showed their support as stylist, Andrea Lieberman, launched her new clothing line at Barney’s New York in Bev Hills.

As is often the case, big names like Gwen Stefani, Ellen Pompeo and Jennifer Lopez borrowed jewelry from famed Swiss jeweler, Robert Mouawad.  And as is also often the case, the bling was returned the next day.  Except in the case of J. Lo.

According to a New York Post source, Lopez’s manager called Mouawad after the event and informed him that Jen would be keeping the pieces she borrowed. The source claimed that Mouawad was okay with gifting the jewelry but that it was presumptuous, nonetheless.

Is that how it works in Hollywood?  You borrow shit and just keep it?  How very Winona Ryder.  I have a new term for what all these thieving wenches pull:  Involuntary swag.

Jen’s camp, of course, says the jewelry was a gift in exchange for appearing at the event.

Despite my deep personal belief that it’s all a sham, Marc Anthony and J. Lo appeared as happy and in love as ever at Anthony’s Madison Square Garden Valentine’s Day concert.  They even terrified their Dragon Tales, Max and Emme, by bringing them onstage to be greeted by thousands of screaming fans.  My two-year-old can’t handle the lady at the deli offering him cheese.  I can’t even fathom how he’d react to seeing himself on a Jumbotron.

I have a personal policy not to make fun of children other than my own.  But remember how Alexa Joel was cursed?  A beautiful supermodel of a mom and she ended up looking exactly like her dad?  Unfortunate.  Let’s hope the twins dodge a similar fate.

The cut is reminiscent of her infamous 2000 Grammy dress (intentional decision?), but this is a much more adult spin on it, and I think she looks lovely. Oh, and for those of you who buy the rumors that she’s on the rocks with Marc (personally, I don’t), he was there at her side as she walked the carpet.