Those bastards at People Magazine must never rest. Either that or they’re building a facial identification system the likes of which conspiracy novelists have only dreamed of.

Either way, Jen’s new beau has been revealed. He’s a British model and his name is Paul Sculfor. I should note that the picture is probably a few years back, he’s 36 now.

He’s described as a:

“Lovely guy. A gentleman. Simple things, like opening doors, he does all that. He’ll think of the woman before himself.”

I would be remiss if I didn’t throw the Chinese fortune cookie joke “in bed” after that last comment. But, how hard would it be to treat Jen like a queen? I would do it. She’s a bazillionaire. She’s hot. She seems fairly pleasant given the interviews I’ve seen. I’ve never met her, but I wouldn’t mind, and if we dated I would open the doors – provided she didn’t have servants or ultra cool modern technology doors that opened themselves.

Oh, Paul is in this YouTube clip too, with mermaids. I don’t think it shows much besides his chest but we aim to please here at Beet central.

Jennifer Aniston, who recently signed on to be the new face of smartwater, has a new man to go along with her new career as a corporate shill. People magazine reports that Aniston’s been seen out and about with a handsome mystery man. According to the mag:

During a romantic dinner at Santa Monica’s One Pico restaurant in the Shutters Hotel on Saturday, he had the actress’s undivided attention.

At 8 p.m. the pair slipped into the beachfront eatery with Aniston’s man gently rubbing her back as they waited for a table.

For the next three hours the duo talked by candlelight over a bottle of San Pellegrino, leaning in close and, at one point, even holding hands across the table.

Aw! Hopefully this relationship will work out for Jen — she deserves a good man in her life.

Pics from the premiere of The Tripper in Hollywood on Wednesday night. Doesn’t it look like Courteney is trying to escape? Jen’s basically clinging to her. Remember when Jennifer was the Friends star with a thriving post-Friends career? Oh, how the tables have turned.

Just in case Britney Spears had any surviving remnant of trust for the people she allows into her life, Isaac Cohen sits down with News of the World for a tell-all just weeks after their split. [Dirty Laundry]

The JT video for “What Goes Around Comes Around,” co-starring Scarlett Johansson, has hit the Internet. I’d comment on it, but after I’d watched for a minute or two, I was in too much pain to continue. I’d feel bad passing judgment without viewing the remaining seven freakin’ minutes. [POTP]

Someone leaked a topless photo of Jen Aniston from the set of The Break-Up. Hooray boobies! [The Blemish]

More music videos: The Killers “Read My Mind” and Scissor Sisters “She’s My Man.” [Bree, popbytes]

Ralph Fiennes joins the mile-high club. [Warship]

Those folks who took over Paris Hilton’s storage locker when she forgot to pay the monthly fee on it have finally released the info they found within. Among it: pictures of Paris smoking a tampon. [Gawker]

Rose McGowan’s looking a little ragged these days. [popbytes]

Jen Aniston’s rep is just plain tired of lying. He admits his client had a nose job this weekend. [The Superficial]

Singer Brandy was the cause of a disturbing Los Angeles wreck. No, not Moesha. [Bossip]

Look, I tried, but I can’t beat Seth and Mark on this, so I’m just going to steal their headline: ABC Sends Isaiah Washington to Gayhab. [Defamer]

Clearly the most effective way to get your estranged wife to seek help for her drinking problem is to whine about it to Star magazine. Right, K-Fed? [IBBB]

Hugh Hefner takes time out of his busy day to call Kelly Osbourne ugly. [Agent Bedhead]

The cast of Grey’s Anatomy continues their love-fest, with T.R. Knight appearing on Ellen to formally recommend Isaiah Washington for sainthood. [Defamer]

Even into the sixth season, the American Idol auditions continue to hold a strange power over America. Film.com’s live-blogging it. [Film.com]

Breaking: Paris Hilton treats another human being like crap for no discernable reason. [Celebslam]

Larry Rudolph shocks the world by announcing that Britney Spears is actually not pregnant. [Hollywood Grind]

Meanwhile, a definitely pregnant Tori Spelling knocks back a few glasses of wine. [DListed]

Hugh Hefner generously agrees that he will maybe possibly at some point consider allowing Holly Madison to demand child support from him once she ages out. [Celebitchy]

Gasp! Aniston confidante Courteney Cox was spotted fraternizing with the enemy at the Golden Globes. [The Blemish]

Pam Anderson parties at the Playboy mansion, narrowly avoids a crotch shot. She is not fast enough, however, to evade the ginormous Wynonna Judd lookalike who’s grabbed her by the leg and is now threatening to lick something. [TBYLTH]

Good News. Jennifer Aniston is going to guest star on the show Dirt starring (and I use that term loosely) Courteney Cox. This is good news because Jennifer needs something to do and the Friends cast is in danger of being swallowed whole by the universe.

Plus it will be low pressure because no one will watch the show; the gals can just kick back and relax.

The info is here, but I’ve given you all of it anyway, trust me.