Perhaps “I am not dating Jennifer Aniston” should be added to those little yellow books of commonly used foreign language phrases; right between “Hello” and “Where is the American Embassy?”

At the Louis Vuitton show in Paris yesterday, Bradley Cooper spoke to reporters and once again denied that he and Jennifer Aniston are an item.  And he did it in French. Hot.

Translated:

She’s a friend of mine. Simply, simply, just a friend. In America, its not like it is here. She’s someone who is super, super known. Famous. If someone says ‘hello’ to her, it’s given that he’s fallen in love with her. So, no. No. She’s a very, very interesting woman, but she’s simply a friend.

I wonder how many times he’ll have to do this. Probably every time he has dinner with her. Or speaks to her. Or looks at her. Because if you have a penis and come within a 5 yard radius of Jennifer Aniston, you are dating her.

It must be difficult for Jennifer Aniston to eat out, considering that she hast to be in a relationship with someone in order to eat dinner with them.

Late Friday night, Jen was spotted having a late dinner with The Hangover start Bradley Cooper. According to the manager, the two were “very nice and chatty.” Given that they also went to a party together in May, gossip bloggers consider this irrefutable evidence that the two are now engaged and she is pregnant with his love spawn.

I’m not going to hand Beet the tissue box and Jennifer Aniston-shaped voodoo doll just yet because according to the manager, the two didn’t drink any alcohol during their “dinner date.” Perhaps I’m just a whiskey-soaked slut, but have you ever been on a late Friday night date (with someone who was not fresh out of a 12 step program) that didn’t involve alcohol?

That may be more of a sad commentary on my romantic life than proof that these two aren’t dating, but I’m not biting on this one just yet.

Jennifer Aniston, frightening a small child on the New York City set of her movie The Baster.  I bet you five dollars she was saying something like, “Hiya honey!  Wanna hear the story of my husband Brad and how he left me?  He was so uncool!”

This day has been heavy on the Butler gossip, and I’m okay with that. Remember those rumors from late last year that everyone’s favorite Spartan was rubbing shields with Jennifer Aniston at the Toronto film festival? Well, rumors are flying again that the two might be seeing each other on a regular basis:

According to sources, the duo has been meeting up at the former Friends star’s New York apartment.

“She said that in their film meetings, the chemistry was intense and physical,” the Sun quoted a source close to Jennifer…

I know a lot of people feel bad for Jennifer because of her “unlucky in love” schtick, but there’s only so much sympathy you can give someone who just keeps making such bad dating choices. Most of you have at least one friend like that– or I should say had one friend like that– who dates jerk after jerk and wonders why things don’t ever work out for her.
Gerard is known for being something of a player– which is fine if you’re just looking for a little post-relationship rebound fling– but another source says that Aniston is “smitten” and looking to develop a serious relationship with him.

I’d been hearing buzzing for awhile now that Jennifer Aniston was with John Mayer more for the publicity shots than anything else, but I didn’t want to believe it! I wanted Jennifer to find true love!

Alas, it was not to be.

They’ve broken up, yet again.

“They had some disagreements and decided to not continue to see each other,” says one source. “Jen is moving on with her life like she always does. She seems happy.”

A second source says Mayer broke up with Aniston after she returned from Europe.

Hmmm, so did John dump Jen? Or the other way around? Were they both just in it for the Oscar date???

Okay, I’m just kidding.  Sort of.

Now, it’s totally just a widely-reported rumor at this point, but it’s a rumor I believe:  Jennifer Aniston got dumped by John Mayer when she returned from her European Marley & Me tour.  It’s classic commitment-phobe behavior; they took it to the next level and he freaked out.  And really, doesn’t this picture just say it all?  Sure, a few pictures of them on Oscar night showed more reciprocal affection, but seriously, most of them were of Jen looking like one of those clip-on plush Koala toys you put on your pencil in 1984.  Does anyone remember those?

I guess we’ll just have to stay tuned on this one.  John Mayer is working on an album right now and Aniston is set to start filming her sure-fire flop, The Baster.  And yes, I am predicting its failure based solely on the name of the flick.  How very shallow.

Surely you remember, it was only two weeks ago, that Jennifer Aniston didn’t want to discuss her marriage with Brad Pitt?  You know, the marriage that ended years ago.

Now Jen is doing promo work for Marley & Me in the UK and talked with Hello! magazine:

You were with Brad Pitt for seven years - and married for five. It must have been very intense, in the public eye? [sic]
“It was. But I don’t regret any of that time with Brad and I’m not here to beat myself up about it. They were seven very intense years together, and it was a beautiful and complicated relationship. I will love Brad for the rest of my life - you can’t take away good memories. I really do hope that we’ll be good friends again at some point. You can survive anything - human endurance is unbelievable. But yes, it’s sad coming to the end of something special. You try to avoid all the pain but that somehow causes even more. I’m a human being, have human experiences.”

I know Jen says that humans are durable and can survive anything but I really do not know if I can overcome one more fucking interview about her marriage that lasted four and a half years, has been over for four years, and is still the only topic she has to talk about.