This would just be soooo great.

The ever-enterprising Jenna Jameson’s making a film version of her autobiography, How to Make Love Like a Porn Star, and apparently she has her eye on Scarlett Johansson for the starring role.

“I tapped up Scarlett for the part,” she says, “and I’m very excited about the film.”

Asked why she wouldn’t be playing the role herself, Jenna responded, “You know, the truth is, I’m not really a very good actress. I do well on camera when someone puts a cock in my mouth, but otherwise I just come across with a fair amount of awkwardness.”

Nah, I’m kidding. Instead she came up with this little gem: “It was my decision not to play the role because I’ve lived that life already and anyone can play themself.”

Hey, Jenna? Wanna know what’s not a word? Themself. See, because “them” is plural, so you have to use “selves.” Never mind. Just trust me on this.

But never fear! Jenna Jameson’s cock-free film debut is not far away, as she plans to play a super-heroine in a movie spin-off from a new comic book she has written.

Everyone is going to explode in a wave of anorexia and mangled labia.

Paris attends Jenna birthday bash at Forty-Deuce last night.

I kid, I kid. She’s all over that like Jenna Jameson on a penis. Her hair’s sporting more bleach than Jenna Jameson’s asshole.

What she might want to do is eat, though. Something besides dick, I mean. Was that too easy? Not as easy as Jenna Jameson!

Okay, okay, sorry, I’m not trying to be a total cocksucker … unlike some people I know!

I crack myself up sometimes …

Before we begin, I want to thank Evil T for doing a kick-ass job of holding this place down while I was out of town. She is a total rock star, and I have no idea what I’d do without her. Thanks T! Now, on to the links …

Wait, Tom Cruise isn’t already Jesus? [Celebslam]

Robbie Williams plans to give Elton John the gift of his penis. [Cele|bitchy]

Jared Leto and his earflaps are totally ready to throw down, bitch. [Agent Bedhead]

New pics of Scarlett. You know you’re going to click. Don’t try to fight it. [The Blemish]

Wow, Mandy Moore even depresses herself! [Celebrity Smack]

Something about Jenna Jameson, Paris Hilton, and girls who want to lose their virginity. As the premise for a television show. I can’t read any further. I feel dirty. On behalf of our country. [Pop on the Pop]

The indiest thing I have ever loved just gave birth to a little girl. Unfortunately, she had to go and ruin it by naming the kid Petah. But congrats anyway, Ani DiFranco. [CBB]

Shanna Moakler continues her image rehabilitation tour by dating Jenna Jameson’s soon-to-be ex-husband, porn producer (and sometime star) Jay Grdina. It’s neat how both Shanna and her ex-husband, Travis Barker, have managed to find new love in porn stars. [Celebslam]

Check out the video for J-Lo’s new song, “Que Hiciste.” [popbytes]

Smashing Pumpkins rocker Billy Corgan is hooking up with Certifiably Insane Recovering Heroin Addict Courtney Love. [Agent Bedhead]

Paris Hilton runs out of gas in Beverly Hills, hangs out and flips through a scrapbook while the paparazzi run to get her gas. Rough life. [NYP]

Former SNL star Chris Kattan gets engaged to some hot chick he would totally never have landed had he not found some measure of fame playing Mango and Mr. Peepers. [Pop on the Pop]

Awww…this is really cute! Total hotties Jennifer Morrison and Jesse Spencer, who both play doctors on House M.D., are engaged. Congratulations! [Cele|bitchy]