So Mischa pulled out of her hosting gig at CatHouse last night at the last minute — because of, ya know, that whole DUI thing — but they went ahead and opened anyway.

And who the hell needs Mischa Barton when you have Jenna Jameson and Tito Ortiz???

Also there: Jamie King, who got hitched to director Kyle Newman in November, and who’d sure as hell better be pregnant if she doesn’t want me to talk shit about that weight gain.

Sorry, guys, I’m a little obsessed, especially after this picture.

Here she is with Tito at Body English.

The hair looks great, and I’d kill a homeless man for her stomach, but everything north of the neck … ick!!!

Taking random dudes’ cocks all up in you?

No big deal.

Peeing with the commoners?

For shame!

Sure, she’ll have sex on camera without batting an eye, but Jenna Jameson won’t use a bathroom in front of others. While boxing legend Lennox Lewis gave training tips to Jameson’s boyfriend, Tito Ortiz, at Room Service, the porn star asked to be escorted by security to a private restroom. Later, Jameson dirty-danced for Ortiz before they shared a passionate kiss.

Maybe her vagina’s just so fucked up these days that she has to use a catheter.

At the Marc Bouwer show.

What would you title the Lisa Marie/Jenna Jameson porn flick? Extra points to anyone who works in a Michael Jackson reference.

I can’t really blame him. Her lips do look a lot like a vagina these days.

Seriously it looks like someone ate this girl’s whole face and then spit it back out onto her head.

Homegirl looks worked.

Backstage at the Heatherette show.

Awww … well that was some short-lived excitement.

Just yesterday I thought there was a chance that Scarlett Johansson might play Jenna Jameson in her upcoming biopic, but it looks like that’s a no-go.

“Scarlett has never seen a script nor been approached about this project,” says a rep for the actress. “She also has no interest in playing this role.”

Sad! :(

This would just be soooo great.

The ever-enterprising Jenna Jameson’s making a film version of her autobiography, How to Make Love Like a Porn Star, and apparently she has her eye on Scarlett Johansson for the starring role.

“I tapped up Scarlett for the part,” she says, “and I’m very excited about the film.”

Asked why she wouldn’t be playing the role herself, Jenna responded, “You know, the truth is, I’m not really a very good actress. I do well on camera when someone puts a cock in my mouth, but otherwise I just come across with a fair amount of awkwardness.”

Nah, I’m kidding. Instead she came up with this little gem: “It was my decision not to play the role because I’ve lived that life already and anyone can play themself.”

Hey, Jenna? Wanna know what’s not a word? Themself. See, because “them” is plural, so you have to use “selves.” Never mind. Just trust me on this.

But never fear! Jenna Jameson’s cock-free film debut is not far away, as she plans to play a super-heroine in a movie spin-off from a new comic book she has written.