I thought long and hard before writing this article, because the Film.com office is staffed almost entirely by fervent Jenna Fischer admirers, and I like my job a lot, but a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.

And in this case, it’s calling Jenna Fischer out for looking like crap on the red carpet.

I like you, Jenna. I do. But, woman to woman, this look does not work. And you’re single now, so you have to be looking good!!!

(I know, I know. I bought my one-way ticket to feminist hell long ago. I’ve made my peace with it.)

I mean, forget about the Girl Next Door; Jenna looks like the Housewife Next Door. And not MILF-style, either. That dress was a horrible choice for her complexion — and speaking of complexion, have you ever heard of a tanning salon, Jenna? They’re open even in winter. And if you’re going to wear that awful drape of a dress, you cannot wear dark red nail polish.

And I’m trying to figure out in what decade that hair would have been appropriate, and the answer is never. The decade of never, Jenna.

Plus she looks absolutely miserable to be there.

Please don’t fire me.

The start of this week looked like it was all good news for the women: both Heath Ledger and Shaquille O’Neal announced their upcoming divorces. I mean, I guess it’s good news for the men if you want to have sex with Michelle Williams, but, really, who wants to have sex with Michelle Williams? She looks like a 12-year-old boy these days.

But Jenna Fischer?

She looks like the 12-year-old girl next door.

And she’s getting a divorce! From her husband! Some screenwriter you’ve never heard of!!!

As Hollywood’s elite become increasingly dissatisfied with their publicists, Jenna has, like so many others before her, turned to the Publicist Formerly Known as MySpace to break this exciting news:

We (James and Jenna) need to announce that we have chosen to separate. We are sorry for any pain this causes family and friends. The enthusiasm we have expressed for each other’s lives, spirits, and careers is real – we have been each other’s cheerleader and friend during the past six years and continue to be so now and in the future.

And a special note for our MySpace fans – We appreciate your support over the years, and would be overjoyed to have you continue supporting us both. You might be tempted to make one of us “feel better” by putting the other one down in a post. Please don’t – we still have the utmost respect for one another, and we’d have to delete you. We aren’t taking questions or doing interviews about this particular aspect of our lives. We’re also avoiding reading any press on the subject, so don’t send us any clippings or links about the split. Thank you in advance for respecting our privacy.

Okay, guys, this is your big shot. Hurry on over to Jenna’s MySpace page and post a comment reminding her of what a loser cocksucker wash-out her husband is, and, if you live in the LA area, remind her that you have a screenplay, too. It’s kind of like Entourage meets The Sopranos, right? And you totally know someone who can get it into a studio, don’t you?

Get on it, kids! This won’t last long!

Update: I feel obliged to mention that, in June, Jenna Fischer was our best guess for the married prime-time star propositioning her boyish co-star. Hmmm.

Worse yet, guys, she’s married!

The Office star Jenna Fischer won’t be going back to Buddakan any time soon. The pretty brunette was celebrating her series being renewed Monday night with friends when she slipped on the restaurant’s marble steps and fractured four bones in her back. A friend said she spent the night in St. Vincent’s hospital and had to cancel an appearance on “Late Night with Conan O’Brien” and a Harper’s Bazaar shoot. Fischer’s rep, Lewis Kay, said yesterday she’s “doing much better and is resting at her hotel. Her husband [director James Gunn] flew in to be with her.”

Pictures of Jenna and her hubby in more mobile days below.

[source]

Jenna Fischer is very fun in my opinion. Wired Magazine must agree because they threw her on the cover.

NAKED!

Okay, it’s really not a big deal because she’s not showing as much skin as me walking around on “leather night,” but still, it should get her some buzz. Now all we need to do is get our gal into some rom-coms. Here’s the pic:

Here’s a nice small interview with Tina Fey from 30 Rock and Jenna Fischer from The Office. They both seem to be that rare example of smart, funny, attractive gals (just like our own EvilB and EvilT).

Some of the better quotes: (On losing in the ratings)

Tina Fey: Now we’re just going to get our asses handed to us by Grey’s Anatomy. But that’s classier, I think. It’s like getting dumped by a really handsome guy.

and

TV Guide: You appeared on People magazine’s Most Beautiful list this year.
Jenna: I was 32nd most beautiful. I counted.
Tina: Wow. In the world?
Jenna: The whole planet.

Fun stuff, and both shows are worth watching so long as you are rocking the dual tuner TiVo.

Editor’s Note: Expect some slow news days coming up, so we may end up talking about what I should get people for Christmas around here.