Ah, those were the days, weren’t they?

I mean, don’t most people go through the angsty, black-eyeliner, goth phase in high school? I just think it’s funny — and kind of tragic — that you’ve decided to do this in your 30s. You sure are sticking it to the man, aren’t you?

Will we never get our Jordan Catalano back?

At the MTV Latin America Awards in Mexico City on Thursday night.

I don’t know much about Robin Thicke, but he looks like Russell Crowe and Justin Timberlake’s secret love child, and — perhaps not surprisingly — his new music video is creating quite a bit of buzz. [Allie is Wired]

Antonella Barba in Playboy? Hef says it’s a “very real possibility.” [Rumorficial]

Jared Leto is physically injured. The celebratory potluck will be held this evening at Perez Hilton’s house. [Ninja Dude]

I swear, the only people who have any right to be hospitalized for “dehydration” live in countries where the nearest hospital is 500 miles away and is also a tent. But Nicole Richie hits up an L.A. ER with this ubiquitous A-list ailment. [dlisted]

Avril Lavigne, you are soooo badass. [The Blemish]

Victoria Beckham is chased by pot-bellied pigs. ‘Nuff said. [Agent Bedhead]

Wait, Tom Cruise isn’t already Jesus? [Celebslam]

Robbie Williams plans to give Elton John the gift of his penis. [Cele|bitchy]

Jared Leto and his earflaps are totally ready to throw down, bitch. [Agent Bedhead]

New pics of Scarlett. You know you’re going to click. Don’t try to fight it. [The Blemish]

Wow, Mandy Moore even depresses herself! [Celebrity Smack]

Something about Jenna Jameson, Paris Hilton, and girls who want to lose their virginity. As the premise for a television show. I can’t read any further. I feel dirty. On behalf of our country. [Pop on the Pop]

The indiest thing I have ever loved just gave birth to a little girl. Unfortunately, she had to go and ruin it by naming the kid Petah. But congrats anyway, Ani DiFranco. [CBB]

Mariah Carey’s Hong Kong concert is canceled. Promoters say it was due to poor ticket sales and Carey’s “unreasonable demands.” Carey’s camp says the promoter didn’t pay. You be the judge. Or, you know, just go on with your life. [Celebrity Smack]

Sara Evans and her husband, Craigslist surfer extraordinaire Craig Schelske, settle their divorce details. Access Hollywood has the courtroom scene on video. [Access Hollywood]

Danny Bonaduce drops his pants on the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, airing this Friday. I link to this item only because a kindly CBS PR flack emailed me yesterday to make me aware of it, and certainly not because I have any idea who Craig Ferguson is or why he has a television show. Actually, the same is true of Danny Bonaduce. [Hollywood Gossip Whores]

Somehow — somehow — Tara Reid thinks that, if more movies went straight to download, as her most recent one did, more actors would have jobs. Christ. There aren’t enough italics for this. [BWE]

I think that blogs should die a sudden death. It’s just ridiculous. It’s like a playground for four-year-olds. People say and do things in the world of blogs that they would never do in real life, and I think it’s a false experience…The blog is yesterday’s parachute pants. It’s here now but it’s gone tomorrow.

Here now but gone tomorrow? Maybe. But, with any luck, after a 10-year period of utter irrelevance and occasional Lohan-porking, blogs will start an unoriginal band and make an appearance on the VMAs looking like they just wrote a poem in Algebra class. We can hope, right?

[via BestWeekEver]

Sarah Silverman may well be the funniest person on planet Earth. As soon as one of you finds a clip of one of her VMA bits on YouTube, send me the link please.

If we could never, ever have Amy Lee and Jared Leto standing next to one another again, I’d be fine with that. Really. In high school I could handle looking at three, maybe even four goth kids at the same time. In my twenties, two is really more than I can stomach.

I may like some of her music, but every time I hear her speak, I like P!nk less.

It’s funny cuz Lil’ Kim is fat now. And crazy, crazy, crazy.

You know what is not classy, All American Rejects? Stumbling up to accept your award with a glass of scotch in your hands. Passing it around stage as you slur. Amusing, yes. Classy, nuh-uh.

Jessica Simpson is packing on the pounds. Where is Ken Paves when she needs him? Is her favoritism toward him angering her other stylists? I swear they are putting her in these short dresses and then running off somewhere to watch and giggle.

Ringtone of the Year award? Like, your song is so simplistic that it carries particularly well via mobile phone? You get an award for that now?

It’s cool that Panic! At the Disco (good band name. oh wait.) got the whole audience to scream “whore!” It’s a shame that Paris Hilton wasn’t on stage at the time. The rest of the performance was great visually, but the lead singer was so nervous I don’t think he hit a single note right. Too bad cuz it’s a great song.

It’s nice to see Petra Nemcova so happy with James Blunt now. You know, after the whole almost-dying-in-that-one-tsunami-that-claimed-the-life-of-her-boyfriend-and-hundreds-of-thousands-of-others thing.

I’m pretty sure Britney and KFed got booed. And rightly so. That was the dumbest bit tonight. And that’s saying something.

I LOVE YOU XTINA!

Oh, that “marry me marry me” song is by Jared Leto’s band. Hm. I like that song. How odd. If he becomes some big famous rock star now, I just don’t know how I’ll reconcile that. I mean, My So-Called Life was cancelled. Everyone else in that cast got the memo.

For reals, Sarah Silverman, I would very much like to go out with you. Jimmy Kimmel’s star is falling, sweetie. Mine is just beginning to rise. Get on board with a winner. Pick me. Choose me. Love me.

When you, as a blogger, start quoting Meredith Grey because you can’t think of anything funnier, it’s time to go to bed.