Hi, guys. Sorry I’ve been gone all afternoon. I got like two hours of sleep last night and woke up this morning with this overwhelming urge to register my car in the state of Washington. I’m serious. I don’t know where it came from but I was just like “Must. Register. Car. Today.” So that’s what I did this afternoon. And then they had a little insurance station in the registration place and I went and talked to them about getting new insurance in Washington and learned that my 8000 speeding tickets from California? Don’t transfer to Washington. My car insurance payments are now literally 50% less.

I get back home to find like 100 emails from you guys inquiring as to the state of Jamie-Lynn Spears’ uterus. The National Enquirer ran a story saying that she was eight weeks pregnant because she didn’t think she could get pregnant while breast-feeding, so, ya know, oops. Some of you alerted me to this story, and the rest of you were like “Is it true???”

Now: Nothing would delight me more than this story being true, except for (pleasegodpleasegodpleasegod) a SamLo wedding and subsequent Newlyweds-style reality show. However, I doubt that even Jamie-Lynn Spears actually believed that breast-feeding was an adequate form of birth control. She has a GED, ya know.

But now JLS’s camp has confirmed to OK! magazine that she is sans baby. So either the story was false to begin with or she’s not going through with the pregnancy. Honestly, I’m inclined to believe it’s the former.

So there you have it. I’m going to go drool over my new car insurance documents for awhile and then maybe take a nap.

Here’s Lynne Spears on The Today Show yapping about her kids and her new book. I’d tell you what happened but honestly you guys I can’t get more than 30 seconds into either of them. It just hurts too bad. But thankfully Yahoo news has informed me that Lynne did say, at one point, that Jamie-Lynn informed her of her pregnancy via a handwritten note.

Heh, I would have written the note on the back of a box of condoms, just for that extra oomph.

Remember how, when Jamie-Lynn Spears visited LA last week with her baby in tow, the uniformed cops actually escorted a FAKE Jamie-Lynn out the door to distract the paps while JLS herself was escorted directly off the tarmac from a Delta flight?

Apparently the higher-ups were not super-psyched that the LAX cops got to have so much fun.

“It is not the policy or practice for Airport Police to provide a celebrity decoy,” LAX spokesman Albert Rodriguez says. “Airport Police has opened an internal investigation of the incident and will take appropriate administrative action if warranted. Los Angeles World Airports policy prohibits special courtesies to be provided to celebrities, unless extenuating circumstances such threat of danger to the individual or the safety of the general public are involved.”

A police source says that the decision was made to protect the safety of the baby. “It would never ever have happened if she didn’t have the baby,” says the source.

What do you guys think?

Did the LAX cops make the right call?

A spokesperson for Petit Tresor is reporting that teen mom Jamie-Lynn Spears wanted to give Bristol Palin a little support while she’s taking heat these days.

The 17-year-old “Zoey 101” star and new mom sent a gift of $60 pink burp cloths to the pregnant, unwed, 17-year-old daughter of vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin — and along with it, a message of teen mom solidarity.

A spokesperson for Petit Tresor, the Los Angeles baby boutique from which the gift was bought, told ABCNews.com that Spears included a card with the package that read “Dear Bristol, Hang in there! XXOO, Jamie Lynn Spears.”

Spears’ rep did not confirm the story, but didn’t deny it either.

You guys think this is true?

Or just a really smart PR stunt by Petit Tresor?

Meet Kelli Dawson, the disturbed 28-year-old woman who was sleeping with Casey Aldridge — when Casey was only 17 — and still sees him, she says.

“I see him all the time, at least once a week,” she tells InTouch.

The pair first met in November 2006, at the home of her sister, Kim Toller. At the time, Casey was already dating Jamie Lynn, but the sexual chemistry between Casey and Kelli was instant. “We were both really attracted to each other,” Kelli reveals. “He totally instigated it and pursued me. His friends would tell me that he liked me, that he thought I was pretty.” The couple saw each other a few times and “kissed randomly,” but it wasn’t really “hot and heavy,” Kelli admits, until the spring of 2007. Though Casey and Jamie Lynn were still involved, Kelli insists, “You never knew if they were broken up or not, because it changed from day to day!”

The pair didn’t bother to hide their relationship. “Kelli and Casey have been a couple on and off for a few years,” confirms Jason Alexander, Britney Spears’ first husband and a native of nearby Kentwood, La. “They were a really tight couple, but I think it was hard for Kelli, having Jamie Lynn in the picture.”

Kelli says she and Casey stopped sleeping together a few months before Jamie Lynn gave birth to their daughter, Maddie. “It just didn’t feel right,” she explains. “He had to deal with the baby coming, and it had to stop.” She says the last time the couple had sex together was in March but “even after we stopped having sex, we would still kiss occasionally.”

Ew, I’m sorry, but if they’ve been together for “a few years,” that means that when they started dating, she was, like, 25 and he was around 16.

Ew, ew, ew, ew.

This girl is so disturbed. What kind of 25-year-old woman wants to date a 16-year-old boy? Not only is it mildly illegal, it’s also really gross and disturbing. I mean, even today, I look at college guys and I’m like, “Ew, they’re so young!” (one exception is Michael Phelps, of course), and at least those guys are LEGAL.

And then to talk about it in front of a national audience???

What do you think InTouch paid her for this interview? $10K? $20K?

Was it worth it, dear?

Jamie-Lynn Spears takes little Maddie to the pediatrician in Mississippi earlier in the week.

Jamie’s supposedly going to be getting hitched to her baby daddy, Casey Aldridge, sometime in the fall.

It’s here.

She registered with Babies ‘R’ Us.

And before you get any ideas, yeah, someone already bought her the rectal thermometer.

Her due date is apparently July 10.

Us magazine is reporting that JLS’s engagement to supposed baby daddy Casey Aldridge is confirmed … by one of Casey’s cousins.

“He proposed a few days ago, and she accepted,” said cousin Tina Roberts.

Okay, is this really a confirmation? Like, this is Mississippi, right? How many cousins do you think Casey Aldridge has? And couldn’t he be married to one already?

The cousin says she hasn’t seen the ring and didn’t know if the wedding would take place before or after Jamie delivers.

And let’s not forget here that Jamie-Lynn is sixteen years old.

Sixteen!

In California, she wouldn’t even qualify for an unrestricted drivers license!