I was disappointed by Shania’s red carpet outfit, but the outfit she wore on stage at the CMAs was a very clear “Fuck you, Mutt Lange.” Check out them titties! FAB. U. LOUS. Total motor-boat quality. Way to go, Shania.

As I was driving home from my indoor beach volleyball game tonight (GO CRAZY BALLERS!!!) I got a text from my sister. It said “If you haven’t blogged about the CMAs, you should.” Now, my sister is only peripherally aware that I even run a blog, so I found her interest curious. I texted her back: “Why?” Thirty seconds later, my phone rang. It was my sister. “Have you seen this guy James Otto?” I told her I had not. “OMG. He was just on stage. He looks like a cartoon character. Like he’s from World of Warcraft or something. It’s so bizarre. You have to write about him.” I promised her I would come home and check out his photo. And I did. And my poor, sweet, innocent, scientist little sister doesn’t know what a Botox overdose looks like. This, my friends, is a Botox OD. Totes grossness.