If you’re anything like me, you spent most of the holiday weekend pacing your room and wondering what on earth could possibly have gone wrong with Hulk Hogan’s marriage. A pro wrestler? His same-age wife? Their fucking retarded son who basically just killed a man and will probably serve some hard time for it? Their failed-singer daughter? Her pants? How could this perfect union possibly fail?

Apparently, folks, we were the last to know.

According to a TMZ source, the couple have been separated for some time now. In fact, portions of the last season of Hogan Knows Best were filmed while the couple was separated. This was a source of problems for production, because they had to play nice while filming scenes together. You don’t say?

The show has not been picked up for next season, which is very sad, because their lives were finally starting to get interesting.

Oh, and I’ve chosen to run a new picture of Brooke Hogan here instead of one of Hulk and Linda, because her slutty ass is way more interesting.

Awwwwww shit.

Nothing’s quite as it seems, I suppose. And nothing destroys a marriage faster than a troubled teen coupled with a full-frontal media assault.

Hulk Hogan’s wife filed for divorce this week.

Hulk was informed of the filing when a reporter for the St. Petersburg Times approached him for comment, and let him know the papers were filed on Tuesday.

“Thank you for the great information,” he told the reporter. “Wow, you just knocked the bottom out of me.”

The couple has been married for 24 years. Linda has been in California for the past three weeks, while Hulk has been in Florida.

Nick Hogan was arrested today on charges stemming from the August street race that left one of his best friends critically injured.

Also: HE WAS DRINKING!!!

In addition to the reckless driving charge, authorities cited Bollea for using a motor vehicle in commission of a felony, being a driver under 21 operating a vehicle with a breath-alcohol level of .02 percent or higher and having illegal window tinting.

The Hogans issued the following statement:

“Nick and the entire ‘Hogan’ Bollea family are saddened that criminal charges have been filed in regards to the tragic single car accident on August 26, 2007. Nick will meet and answer these charges in the appropriate arena – a court of law. The family’s primary focus and concern still remains for the continued recovery of Nick’s longtime friend John Graziano. The Bolleas will also continue to stand by the Graziano family and help them in any way they can.

The tragedy to both families is compounded by the fact that unfortunately John was not wearing his seatbelt. Thankfully, Nick was wearing his. Because of what happened to John, the entire Bollea family will make it a priority to increase public awareness about the importance of always wearing your seatbelt.

There has been much speculation as to the speed and wet road conditions surrounding this accident. Although all the evidence has not been evaluated, preliminary reports from the experts indicate that this was not, in fact, a high-speed accident.

Because Nick is still a juvenile and has no prior criminal record, we are disappointed that he is being charged as an adult offender. However, we are confident that the evidence will demonstrate that this was an accident. We ask all who follow these events to keep an open mind as to the facts until they have been ultimately determined. Finally, we thank all who have prayed for John’s recovery and ask for your continued support and prayers.”

Yeah, motherfuckers. ALWAYS WEAR YOUR SEATBELT WHILE DRINKING AND STREET RACING!!!!!!!!

Just when you thought no one in the Hogan family could make a dumber decision than Brooke Hogan’s ass-pants, her brother Nick is there to prove us wrong.

Hulk Hogan’s son, Nick, who you might recognize from Hogan Knows Best, was nearly killed in a car accident on Sunday night in Clearwater, Florida. While no official statement has been made, many are assuming that the 17-year-old was drag-racing. He crashed his Toyota Supra around 7:30 pm, after losing control of the vehicle, hitting a raised median, and crashing into a palm tree.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

You can check out video of concerned Papa Hogan on the crash scene here.

His mother released the following statement:

“My son Nick and a friend were involved in a car accident last night. Nick suffered minor injuries and has been treated and released from the hospital. At this time, his friend, John Graziano remains hospitalized. Nick is currently at the hospital with John and his family. His sole concern is for the well being of his friend. On behalf of my family, we ask that your thoughts and prayers be with John and his loved ones.”

Nick is going to be in a LOT of trouble for this — he was recently cited in Florida for going nearly twice the speed limit, in a construction zone!

Stupid, stupid, stupid!