Hugh Jackman is set to star in a new 20th Century Fox production titled Avon Man.  The main plot has Jackman’s character, a used car salesman, being laid off from his job.  In an effort to survive, he takes a job as a door-to-door salesperson peddling Avon products.

I don’t think Avon does the whole cold call thing anymore, but it’s a slow news day so let’s just fantasize for a minute.  Because if Hugh Jackman came strolling up my walk, I’d be buying every bottle of Skin So Soft that he had in his case.  Does Avon sell sex toys?  Because I’d buy some of those too.  After an extensive demonstration period, obviously.

Alrighty, so Hugh Jackman and Miley Cyrus are going to be in some craptastic movie together.  It’s a really original plot.  She plays a spoiled heiress and he’s the bodyguard hired to protect her at all cost.  Yeah, that’s it.

Hasn’t this already been done?  It’s like The Bodyguard without the sex.  Dear God, I hope without the sex.  Didn’t the Olsen twins do this storyline in one of their many straight-to-DVD efforts?  And the most pressing question of all:  How did Hugh Jackman fall so far and so fast as to think that starring in a Miley Cyrus anything was a good idea?

Hugh Jackman was seen on the streets of New York yesterday walking his son Oscar Maximillian to school while accompanied by daughter Ava Eliot.

Firstly, it’s great to see a dad — any dad — involved with the every day activities of his kids.  Awesome.

And you know that I won’t ever make fun of celeb children here at Evil Beet, though I do reserve the right to make fun of my own children, but jade green skinny jeans and a matching striped tunic on a nine-year-old?  Wow.  Tween fashion is changing.

I’m not talking about some magazine spread, I’m talking about his actual face. As seen in the image above, the facial features of a handsome man have been cut and re-pasted onto a new face base, but were placed a few inches too far down and close to the chin.

Here, let me show you what he originally looked like:

The star was on the red carpet this weekend in Paris during a photo call for his upcoming movie X-men Origins: Wolverine. I’m not really sure what the marketing concept was here. There’s nothing that screams action-packed movie about a super fast healing mutant with adamantium coated bones more than standing in front of the Eiffel tower and making awkward hand gestures while tilting your head at an angle that makes your chin look extra short and weird.

I’m sure he’s proud of the job he did hosting this year’s Academy Awards ceremony, but he can be equally as proud of being the first composite picture from Late Night With Conan O’Brien’s If They Mated skit to successfully break into showbusiness.

I’m just kiiiiddddinng. Hugh Jackman is adorable and has a name like a 70s porn star. But his chin (or lack thereof) looks more than a little strange in some of these pics from the photo call.

Because he is going to be highly upset by the number of sighs, groans, and generally “drool-y” noises coming outta me  during the film.

The new Wolverine: Origins trailer is out and the fact that anyone would put Hugh Jackman, Ryan Reynolds and (to lesser extent) Taylor Kitsch in ONE film goes to show that movie execs just wanna make that cash and have no consideration for my cardiovascular health.

A few more pics of my mutant baby-daddy…

Rumors swirled that Nicole might be expecting another baby (so soon!) after she showed up at the Tokyo premiere of Australia looking a little larger than usual and clutching her belly conspicuously as she walked the red carpet with co-star Hugh Jackman.

What do you guys think? Preggers?

And what do you think of her dress? That is QUITE a lot of tassle. It would certainly help to disguise any baby bump. Now if only Nicole would stop holding her tummy like she’s pregnant …

Barbara Walters has no more questions. And I have no more lunch. Thanks.