When talking about Hef’s exes, it’s virtually impossible to resist the temptation of posting pics of them deep throating a wiener.  Speaking of oral skills, Holly Madison is getting her own show.

I find it difficult to believe that society has been craving a show like this — though I guess we always crave T & A — but prepare because Holly is set to star in Planet Holly.  It will be filmed in Vegas and will center around her life as a burlesque dancer.

“I fell in love with Vegas since moving here. So I want to show a lot of the Vegas few people know about, it’s hidden treasures away from the Strip. Yes, you’ll see my quirky day-to-day life of living in a casino with a dog, but it will show the side of the valley many people never know existed.

“It will have some docu-drama, but it’s the perfect excuse for me to be normal in a lighthearted comedy romp. Think Mary Tyler Moore. In fact, I just hooked up my DVD player so I can look at all the episodes of her old TV show. But Planet Holly also will have an empowering message for women showing that however crazy the ideas you might have, they can be achieved.

“Growing up in Oregon, I had crazy dreams. I’d see Pamela Anderson or Jenny McCarthy on TV and say I’d like to do that, too. I wanted to go off on the adventure. I dreamed of being a sex symbol as a showgirl in Las Vegas — and it all came true! We’ll show that journey on Planet Holly, and I think it will inspire other girls to always follow their dreams — whatever they might be.

“And then dream some more! Just because I‘ve wound up in Peepshow on the Strip, I’m not stopping, and I’ve set myself five more things to achieve in life. I will never stop setting new goals because I’m having fun living life.”

So, hold onto your thongs!  Filming starts October 12th.

What do you think of this glittery, shredded trash bag — how’s that for an objective opinion? — that Holly Madison wore to a Vegas premiere Wednesday night?  I think she was aiming for some sexy, buxom woodland sprite vibe and fell far short.  I wonder if she’s hiding that Travelocity gnome under her dress.  Hmm …

Anyway, what do you think?  Is this spectacular high fashion or Charo in a blender?

I didn’t even know Holly Madison was dating an aged-looking Verne Troyer back with Hef but it looks like they made it official this weekend.  Man, that osteoporosis has hit Hef hard, huh?  He’s shrinking by the minute.  

(Incidentally, this is the type of crap people do when they are sick and tired of all the media attention going to Michael Jackson.

More pictures of the happy couple in the gallery.

Holly Madison came on to the scene as one-third of the Hugh Hefner trifecta.  Sadly, that relationship soured like yesterday’s Milk of Magnesia and she moved on.

She hooked up with magician Criss Angel and I expected a lot more over-exposure from those two than I ended up getting.  Other than their joint birthday party, they weren’t half as obnoxious as I’d been hoping, prior to their love vanishing.  Disappointing, really.

Now, America’s favorite girl next door is hooking up with comedian and admitted sex-addict Russell Brand.  Now, I’m not sure where she fits into the stats.  He claims to penetrate ninety different vaginae a month, yet the Sun reports that he’s been visiting Madison three times a week.  That is just a ton of cardio.

I’m hoping this works out for a couple reasons.  Mostly, because I want to call them RH Factor.  Also, because Holly Madison is descending into scary territory.  If this new relationship flops, I fear her next conquest is going to be, like, Marilyn Manson.  Or Carrot Top.

Thanks, Eve!

Impressing even the most critical of cynics, Audrina Patridge is actually breaking into acting. That should go in quotes. She’s breaking into “acting.” Ceiling-eyed Audrina and her tattooed sister, Casey, hit the red carpet for the release of her straight-to-DVD flick, Into the Blue 2: More Bikinis. (The actual subtitle is The Reef, but you know this shit is just getting promoted as Audrina Patridge wearing next to nothing.)

Also there: Holly Madison, who really ought to avoid any future red-carpet events where she’ll be billed lower than Audrina Patridge, and cutie pie Chris Carmack.

Hugh Hefner continues to wax philosophical about the Girls Next Door.  For real, I don’t think the twins are working out too well for him since his attention still seem so focused on Kendra, Bridget and Holly.  I’m totally over that show, why isn’t he?

In a People interview, Hef says that rebounds are the way to go and marriage, for all intents and purposes, sucks.

About Holly: My conviction has always been, being an romantic, that the best solution for a failed romance is a new romance.

About Bridget: The major problem for her, quite frankly, is that she’s not here a lot. She’s got this wonderful dream job for the Travel Channel (Bridget’s Sexiest Beaches), she’s wandering the globe. We’ll see how that plays out, whether she’s really contemplating making this more serious.

About Kendra: I’ve been very lucky in romance, but not expert in marriage (two divorces).  They are two separate things. What happens traditionally in a marriage is, of course, a marriage turns into parenthood and the affection is kind of transferred to the children. She picked very well, I think he adores her, I think she really loves him. What they have to get over is they come from very different backgrounds. If love conquers all, it’ll conquer them.

Poor Hugh!  I’m more convinced than ever that he hasn’t been taking his Ginkgo biloba for he surely would have remembered that no one cares what he thinks about the girls, their relationships or the weather, for that matter.  The end.

This rumor has been flying around for a couple of days but hey, now that the ever-reputable US magazine says it’s true, it must be.

In addition to US‘ journalistic integrity, Bridget Marquardt let it be known on live television that fellow bunny Holly Madison is set to replace the injured Jewel on the season opener of Dancing With The Stars, March 9th. Marquardt said on Fox’s Strategy Room “I’m so excited for her.  She’s wanted to do it for so long.  It just never worked with her schedule and Hef was always like ‘I don’t want you to do that,’ and now it’s her time, so I’m really happy for her.”

“

I can barely see the laptop screen through my tears.

Girl Next Door Holly Madison and Criss Angel, starfucker magician extraordinaire, have called it quits, and Holly’s moved back to LA.

“She was very much in love with him, and they’re still very close friends,” a source close to the former couple [said], adding that the decision to split was mutual.

“It was a conflict of schedules. She felt she couldn’t devote 100 percent of her time in Vegas and his career at the expense of her career and her goals.”

The 29-year-old Madison and 41-year-old Angel had been cohabitating at the magician’s Sin City abode since December, but the Playboy pinup recently moved back in with family.

Ummm, didn’t Holly just quit her job at Playboy so she could spend more time in Vegas with Criss? (But not before she blasted her former employer online and then rescinded her comments.) Where is Holly going to work now? What the hell’s she qualified for? Hustler? Nah, Holly’s a creative type with a good eye for beauty. Betcha anything she launches yet another accessories/fashion line.

Holly can now add herself to the looooong list of Hollywood hotties the gross magician has fucked and discarded — including Britney Spears and Cameron Diaz. CONGRATS HOLLY!

Now how long until Kendra Wilkinson and her football fiance break up?

Hmmm, I’m not sure what to make of this. Apparently Holly wrote on her MySpace that she quit her job at Playboy because it paid jack shit and wasn’t interesting anymore, but then when I went to look for the entry just now it was gone. Why did she remove it? Here’s what she apparently said:

“When one is trying to move on with their life, it isn’t beneficial to spend so much time on something that doesn’t pay much and sadly enough is no longer rewarding to you,” Madison writes online.

Three specific reasons for leaving: The job doesn’t pay enough for her to commute from Las Vegas, where she now resides to be close to Angel, it’s no longer challenging and it was just plain awkward.

“I never cared about the salary when I got the job – I made my money doing Girls Next Door, and I just did the job because I loved it,” she writes. “It annoys me when people call the job fake as if it was just a set-up for the show.

“If I had wanted a fake career,” she adds, “I would have stuck with the jewelry line because that required very little of my time.”

The entry is now gone, and the most recent one is some entry about her shared birthday party with Criss Angel. It includes the picture I’ve posted above, which is pretty much the best pitch for a reality TV show I’ve ever seen. They can call it Beauty and the Douche. I’ll watch.

No way!

I thought she wanted that job more than anything in the world!??

Holly Madison has resigned from her job as Playmate editor for Playboy — apparently because she wanted to spend more time with Criss Angel in Vegas. Sources at Playboy says she hasn’t really been doing much work around there recently anyway.

It’s funny — I was watching Girls Next Door last night for the first time in forever. The episode looked like it had been filmed in early-to-mid 2008 (they were casting the 55th anniversary Playmate), and the change in Holly’s attitude toward Hef was so, so obvious. She was traveling for a week on the casting search — she and Hef never would have been apart that long in the past — and Hef kept saying, “Wow, that’s such a long time for you to be gone,” and “I miss you so much” and Holly would just laugh awkwardly. In the past, she would have been like, “Oh, Puffin, this is horrible, I can’t stand to be away so long!” but you could tell she was totally over him even at that point.

Oh, and also, some of the finalists Holly found in that casting search?

Were the Shannon twins he’s dating now.

So, like, basically, Holly brought him his new pussy.

Anyway, I guess I understand this, but Holly was so excited about that job! She was also pretty good at it, as I recall. I guess feelings do change, though.

Does Bridget still have her Playboy radio show?

“We actually shot it in July. It was back before I got conservative.”

Hugh Hefner’s former girlfriend — and Criss Angel’s current love — regarding the Girls Next Door farewell issue of Playboy, which will be the magazine’s February issue.

This is funny on so many levels. I will enumerate them so that you don’t miss any.

First: Holly’s conservative now? I totally missed that memo.

Second: They shot the GND farewell issue in July? So Hef must have parted ways with these girls awhile ago.

Third: I love how Hugh Hefner says goodbye to his three girlfriends by having them get naked and photographed and then selling the pictures. I mean, it happens all the time in break-ups, but it’s not every day the girl signs her consent.

I haven’t heard too much about Criss Angel and Holly Madison lately and I must admit, I was enjoying the respite.  They were everywhere and then nowhere.  By the sounds of it, they’ve been locked in a hotel room. 

People asked Criss and Holly what they wanted for the holidays and their birthdays (December 19th and 23rd, respectively) this year.

Criss said “I don’t want anything for Christmas.  I just want Holly, love, health and happiness, and I have all of those things.  I’m hoping Holly will just put a bow in her head and that will be my present.”   Man, she got off cheap.

Holly, turning to Criss, replied “I just want you.  I’m in love and I’m so happy.”   Looks like they got each other the same thing.

Romantic, huh?